GC Parents---need advice

trojangal · #1 12-09-2004, 10:26 PM

Help!!

Need some advice. Mr. trojangal and I have a 4 year old daughter and I wanted to get some parenting advice from those of you who are more experienced at parenting.

Our little girl is a smart girl..intelligent, but also a real smart butt. Lately, she has been hitting it pretty hard with backtalk, etc. Today at school, she misbehaved pretty much most of the day, and worst of all, laughed at her teacher. I was angry and also horrified. She will "smart back" to both of us..all this really seems to have happened in the last 2-3 weeks.

She doesn't want to listen, follow directions, etc, and really has an attitude. She knows the difference between being good and bad, and when asked why she does something "Just because...".

So..tonight I started some loss of privileges...no tv, toys, etc. Just dinner, bath, and bed.

My question: What are some good ways to deal with this? We're not crazy about spanking, but have done it a few times ( this usually gets her more fired up..)

amandadyer · #2 12-09-2004, 10:55 PM

I don't have children yet, but speaking as a former kid

threats that Santa wouldn't come to our house if we were bad always worked on my brother and I around this time of year! Good luck...

Amanda Dyer
Delta Gamma

norcalchick · #3 12-09-2004, 10:55 PM

You should watch Dr. Phil. This season, he's doing this whole "Family First" thing where he focuses on the family and how to help every one.

He talks about taking away privelages, like sending a kid to their bedrooms. But the bedrooms can't be like Toys R' Us in there.

James · #4 12-09-2004, 10:56 PM

Spank her. Works every time.

DeltAlum · #5 12-09-2004, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Spank her. Works every time.

Not really.

We all hear a lot about the "terrible twos," but they were a breeze campared to behavior of a four year old.

Both of our beautiful little daughters turned into raging bitches at about four. Our son was a handful about then as well, but not as bad as the girls.

My guess is that it's a chemical inbalance or the junior version of raging hormones.

They are beginning to feel the slightest bit of independence at that point and want to test it. I remember one of ours telling me, "You're not the boss of me."

I don't know of anyone who really has an answer.

Dionysus · #6 12-09-2004, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by norcalchick
You should watch Dr. Phil. This season, he's doing this whole "Family First" thing where he focuses on the family and how to help every one.

He talks about taking away privelages, like sending a kid to their bedrooms. But the bedrooms can't be like Toys R' Us in there.

NOOOOOOO! He's TEH ANTI-CHRIST!

Tell her that she's going to hell if she doesn't straighten up. That actually worked for me.....a little while.

PM_Mama00 · #7 12-09-2004, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by trojangal
Help!!

Need some advice. Mr. trojangal and I have a 4 year old daughter and I wanted to get some parenting advice from those of you who are more experienced at parenting.

Our little girl is a smart girl..intelligent, but also a real smart butt. Lately, she has been hitting it pretty hard with backtalk, etc. Today at school, she misbehaved pretty much most of the day, and worst of all, laughed at her teacher. I was angry and also horrified. She will "smart back" to both of us..all this really seems to have happened in the last 2-3 weeks.

She doesn't want to listen, follow directions, etc, and really has an attitude. She knows the difference between being good and bad, and when asked why she does something "Just because...".

So..tonight I started some loss of privileges...no tv, toys, etc. Just dinner, bath, and bed.

My question: What are some good ways to deal with this? We're not crazy about spanking, but have done it a few times ( this usually gets her more fired up..)

Sounds just like my 3 year old niece. Terrible 2s were ok, but 3s--- dayum.

AChiOAlumna · #8 12-10-2004, 01:50 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by trojangal
Help!!

Need some advice. Mr. trojangal and I have a 4 year old daughter and I wanted to get some parenting advice from those of you who are more experienced at parenting.

Our little girl is a smart girl..intelligent, but also a real smart butt. Lately, she has been hitting it pretty hard with backtalk, etc. Today at school, she misbehaved pretty much most of the day, and worst of all, laughed at her teacher. I was angry and also horrified. She will "smart back" to both of us..all this really seems to have happened in the last 2-3 weeks.

She doesn't want to listen, follow directions, etc, and really has an attitude. She knows the difference between being good and bad, and when asked why she does something "Just because...".

So..tonight I started some loss of privileges...no tv, toys, etc. Just dinner, bath, and bed.

My question: What are some good ways to deal with this? We're not crazy about spanking, but have done it a few times ( this usually gets her more fired up..)

Trojangal...

I don't have kids but I have experience with kids...maybe I can help...

First I wonder if something has changed in the last 2-3 weeks in your daughter's environment...school changes? home changes? arguments between you and Mr. Trojangal? recent move? announcement of new baby? etc. If you can determine what's changed, you can address your daughter's needs and discuss this with her.

Second...taking away privileges is a good technique along with timeouts. Make sure the consequence matches the behavior. It wouldn't make sense to take away a doll she hasn't played with in a year. Give her the choice. Tell her "I need you to talk to me/teacher nicely. If you can't, then I will take away "X" for {designated time frame that she can understand}." Then she makes the choice. If she smarts off, you need to be consistent and follow through no matter how much she cries/complains/etc. Consistency is the key here.

You need to find privileges also that mean something to her. If there's a favorite toy, video, etc. that she likes to play with then she'll be more responsive to this than something she doesn't care about.

Hope this gives you some food for thought...

#9 12-10-2004, 02:22 AM

My son is also around that age group....just turned 5. I take away privliges and say until you can act better you dont get nothing!

I agree sending them to a toys r us bedroom is not the correct msg......... no toys no tv no christmas and its bed time. i threated santa and he snaps back into shape real quickly.

PhoenixAzul · #10 12-10-2004, 03:22 AM

my mom was really big on having us write essays. Whenever we mouthed off/whenever we misbehaved, in addition to getting sent to our rooms, we had to write an essay on what we did wrong, why we did it, and what we were going to do to fix it. No essay? no coming out of your room, no tv, no video games, no desert. I guess it was a pretty effective punishment, I can only remember writing 3 of those essays (incidentally my mother still has them!) . Your daughter is kinda young for this, but keep it in mind.

Someone told me that her grandmother used to make her go to confession when she mouthed off and made her talk to "the mean priest". She also told me that he wasn't mean at all and would talk to her like a normal person! hehe

NutBrnHair · #11 12-10-2004, 03:49 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by PhoenixAzul
my mom was really big on having us write essays.

As a 4 year old?

SigPhiSunshine · #12 12-10-2004, 06:07 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by NutBrnHair
As a 4 year old?

"Your daughter is kinda young for this, but keep it in mind. "

did you read the whole post???

AGDee · #13 12-10-2004, 07:43 AM

My daughter's roughest age was 4 also. I remember someone (my mom I think!) saying "4 is two TWICE". Consistency, loss of privileges worked with her. They are trying to be more independent, so give her choices WHEN APPROPRIATE. We would have battles over what she was going to wear. So I would get out two outfits the night before and ask her which one she wanted to wear. If she wanted to do something that was against the rules, I'd give her two other options. You can do THIS or THIS. I also had to tell her "I will not talk to you while you are this upset" to avoid power struggles. She thought it was a good idea to try to bite me while I was carrying her to her time out spot, but she bit my diamond instead and cracked a tooth. That put an end to biting.

Above all else, you need to do your best to remain calm but firm. A calm but firm voice helps keep it from escalating. And, don't give in to the temper tantrums. Her dad used to give in to the temper tantrums and she learned to work that, especially after we were divorced!

PhoenixAzul · #14 12-10-2004, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by NutBrnHair
As a 4 year old?

actually I believe that punishment started around 5 or 6 for my brother and I. Mums was gung ho about us being able to read and write before we entered kindergarten.

dzandiloo · #15 12-10-2004, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by DeltAlum
Both of our beautiful little daughters turned into raging bitches at about four. Our son was a handful about then as well, but not as bad as the girls.

My guess is that it's a chemical inbalance or the junior version of raging hormones.

I love that--I've been thinking the same thing about my 7 year old--since she was about 3. Bitchy is the only way to describe her ocassionally challenging behavior...she can be so adorable & sweet, but man! I feel sorry for her future boyfriends/husband.

I have learned that I have to keep her busy, and try to get her to be logical about things...teach her to think about her actions & ask how she'd feel if other people did that to her. She usually repents, but the bitchyness/sas always returns.

DeltAlum-will it get better, or am I doomed to deal with it until she moves out? I can only imagine what a smart mouth she will have at 16.