Advice please

greekluv12 · #1 10-28-2004, 09:41 PM

hey i have a problem..
i didnt get the girls i was comfortable with for my big, and from the second i got my actual big sis i knew that we wouldnt have that great of a bond because of our different personalities. i feel aweful and very sad because the rest of my class has amazing bonds with there bigs and i dont. and also i was told that everyone always is happy with the turnout and i am not really, i feel bad.

i am thinking about repledging and trying it again because i really am sad that i dont have that bond, i was depressed for a long time and i cant see other people with there bigs without being sad

does this happen from time to time or am i the only one?
does the big play a big role in sorority life?
what should i do?!? any help would be very much appreciated

33girl · #2 10-28-2004, 09:48 PM

When did you get your big? You have to give it time. You won't be close immediately, especially if it is a very large chapter.

DON'T repledge just because of your big - it will cause lots of hurt feelings, and it'll make you seem very selfish.

Not everybody is superduper best friends forever with their big. Honestly it's not the end of the world. Just give it a try, and you may be surprised. There's a reason why that person volunteered to be your big.

#3 10-28-2004, 09:52 PM

Think of it this way. Sisterhood expands way beyond your big sister. It's within your chapter and in your entire organization.

How long has it been since she became your big? Have you given it a chance?

And what do you mean by repledging? Are you going to depledge and then wait and come back?

It happens to more people than you think. My own sis-mom was totally MIA when I was a pledge, but there were so many sisteres in the chapter who made me feel so welcome and because of that, it didn't really matter if I wasn't showered with gifts or if I didn't have bonding time with her.

How is your relationship with the other new members? The initiated sisters? If you feel comfortable enough, try and get advice from them, talk to your New Member Coordinator, explain your concerns and see if there's anything she can do to make your experience any better!

winneythepooh7 · #4 10-28-2004, 10:04 PM

My big lived off campus with her parents in a super-strict Greek family who made her have a curfew of like 9PM or something like that. Because of that we weren't as close as we could have been. But like the other ladies have said, you become friends with the other members of the organization so you shouldn't let this make you feel that you just need to leave the organization. Also sometimes too what happens is that people who are graduating who have never had a little are matched up that way, with the hopes they will "bond" but sometimes it just doesn't happen. I also had a "surrogate" little who happened to not be too close to her big. Many women end up experiencing this for one reason or another. It's interesting though, I wasn't close at all to my pledge mom when I was in undergrad, in fact I thought she was one of the "meaner" sisters, but we ended up becoming close after graduation, while sisters I was close to in undergrad, we don't even speak anymore.

honeychile · #5 10-28-2004, 10:11 PM

PLEASE don't make your entire decision on your sorority on the big sister you were assigned!! There could be a million reasons why you didn't get one of the women who you really wanted, but you DID get the sorority you wanted! Within time, you will "adopt" or gravitate to your "real" big sister!

KSUViolet06 · #6 10-28-2004, 10:12 PM

My Kappa Phi big and I didn't get along at all. She was a senior and I was a freshman when I came into the chapter. She was not concerned with the chapter and was racist (I'm Black) against Blacks. But since littles didn't get to choose bigs, I got stuck.

I tried to bond with her, but she was very depressing and didn't really care about Kappa really at all. So I pretty much gravitated more towards the more positive chapter members. And the next semester, when I got my little, I made it a point to treat her the way I wanted to be treated.

So, no not everyone has a magical bond with their bigs. And in my opinion, it's not worth depledging b/c sisterhood is WAY bigger than bigs and littles.

texas*princess · #7 10-28-2004, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by honeychile
PLEASE don't make your entire decision on your sorority on the big sister you were assigned!! There could be a million reasons why you didn't get one of the women who you really wanted, but you DID get the sorority you wanted! Within time, you will "adopt" or gravitate to your "real" big sister!

I definitely agree with what honeychile has posted. My diamond sister & I never really clicked. We were just too different, but it was really no big deal. Like honeychile mentioned, in time you will "adopt" a "real" big sister... at least that is what happened to me! My "cubic zirconia" (as I like to call her

) and I are best friends. We have lunch on a regular basis, call each other when we need to talk, and hang out just for fun.

It's not all about your "big" sister. I can definitely say that when I got my big, I was sort of feeling like you. I honestly didn't even know who my big was until she became my big

We just ended up being different. While it was always sad to see the other diamond sisters that seemed to become close friends, that feeling goes away and you will probably find someone in the chapter that you can call your adoptive big

LilStarAngelOne · #8 10-28-2004, 11:00 PM

This may have been said before me but i have yet to read through all the threads ... anyways dont feel to bad .... me and my big personality wise were complete opposites ... I mean she was the studious quiet anthro/muesum studies grl while I was this wild child who liked to drink and get into trouble .... at first we had little to do with eachother mostly because i didnt see how the hell we were supposed to be really close when were so different ... the same thing kinda happened with my lil and me ... at first it was hard and akward but as time went by we becamre more comfortable with eachother and i wouldnt trade my big or my lil for the world. ... You just have to make the effort ... sitting around and feeling depressed because you are lacking an instant bond is going to help out matters actually talking and hanging out or even taking a class together in order to be like w00t we have something to talk about can help. Its not always obvious why they pair up some people when there may have been other obvious choices ... but give it time and try to be a sister ... dont expect miracoles over night

i mispelled a few things and sorry about that

but good luck

PhoenixAzul · #9 10-28-2004, 11:08 PM

When I was pledging, my big was preparing for her Jr. recital, which is a HUGE freaking deal for music majors at my school, and they all stress big time. So during pledging it was hard for us to bond. But after I became active, she and I started hanging out more. She's in aus. right now, and I miss her like crazy! She was also from Pittsburgh, which was cool. And she's an amazing pianist. Give it time.

Glitter650 · #10 10-28-2004, 11:11 PM

SERIOUSLY don't leave the chapter because of your big/lil match up. As has been stated before sisterhood is so much more. Big/lil is only a part of the chapter. I understand you may have become closer to some girls than your big... but just because they're not your big doens't mean they are any less your sisters or friends. Hang in there.. make an effort to get to know her and let her get to know you, you never know what may happen in the long run !

AGDee · #11 10-28-2004, 11:22 PM

I had one semester, when we only had 15 members and got 16 new members through recruitment. I ended up taking two sister-daughters that semester! I immediately clicked with one of them and she was one of my rush crushes. The other one, I hadn't even met during recruitment and I had a hard time getting to know her. The first one and I hung out a lot and the other one was kind of aloof. Well, the next year, I was looking for someone to share an apartment with me and the second one volunteered. I was wary, but figured we each had our own bedroom, so what difference did it make? We had not been very close at all, although I had fulfilled my Sister-Mother duties in helping her study, keeping her informed, etc. Well, that year, the first one and I really drifted apart. We hung out less and less. Before I knew it, the second one and I were inseparable! People didn't even know who was who, because we were just Dee and Angela, the two Italian sisters who lived together. She was my maid of honor twice (not many women will do that for ya!) and she was my roommate at our Centennial Convention this year. She is my best friend. I never would have predicted it that first semester! You just never know...

Dee

Buttonz · #12 10-29-2004, 01:15 AM

Don't depledge because of your big! I didn't like my big...we had nothing in common, she was (still is :P) a total ditz, etc. I was very close with my pledge sisters big and my NME however. Last year, when my school had there leadership retreat, it was going to be my pledge sister, my big and a third sister going with me. The other two decided it woudl be good for us to share a room so we could bond. Ever since then we hav e been a lot closer....it just took some time

chideltjen · #13 10-29-2004, 11:35 AM

My big and I didn't get extremely close. But I knew she was there and if I felt alone I knew she would support me no matter what. We didn't have to hang out all the time and whatnot. And she graduated the semester after she took me so she wasn't really around much. But I still keep in touch with her and I'm helping her start up her business by designing her business cards/logos. And I know I wouldn't want anyone else coordinating my future wedding, as she is becoming a wedding planner. Granted we aren't stuck together like glue (or like my first lil and I were) we still know that we have each other to rely on.

And look at it from your big's perspective: At first my first lil and I weren't all that close. She wanted someone else to be her big at first and she wasn't my first choice. BUT we eventually grew closer and became roommates for about 3 years.

Bottom line... give it time.

aephi alum · #14 10-29-2004, 11:53 AM

Your big is just one sister out of 25 or 50 or 80 or however big your chapter is. If you're not comfortable with your big, that's ok. Hang out with her - maybe you'll surprise yourself and become close - and maybe not. If not, make connections with your pledge sisters and with other initiated sisters. Just because a given sister isn't your big doesn't mean you can't become close friends. But don't depledge just because of one person.

emleepc · #15 10-29-2004, 01:16 PM

I have my own story...My big diamond sis transferred to another school 3 days after I initiated.....my little diamond sis ended up de-pinning after a semester. But I didn't get too discouraged because there were 50 other sisters that wanted to get to know me, and I had a fabulous time with them! Don't give up!

So see---you aren't the only one who hasn't clicked with your big or little sister.....there are too many stories to count. Sorority life is not all about your big sister, and there are so many sisters out there for you to get to know.....just give it a chance.