Should I tell him about the "baby"

CUGreekgirl · #1 08-29-2004, 07:54 AM

My ex and I split back in May. We were less than careful when we were together and at the time we split I didn't know I was pregnant, although I had my suspicions.

Well, I ended up moving back home. I several boxes in my jeep for a couple weeks. I was a few weeks (about 2.5) late for my period and I am never late. If you are pregnant, especially during the early months, you are not supposed to lift anything heavy or else you risk losing the baby. I knew this, but went ahead and risked moving the heavy boxes and some furniture in my room b/c I wasn't exactly happy about potentially having a child. A few days after moving the stuff I bleed really bad, and from what I described to my doctor he said i had most likely been pregnant but moving the stuff had caused me to miscarry.

My ex and I are now talking again and are most likely getting back together, but I'm unsure whether or not to bring up the "baby" and my miscarriage. What are your thoughts on this?

#2 08-29-2004, 08:06 AM

If you two are seriously considering getting back together, you should be honest with him and let him know about what happened.

You didn't know at that time about your condition, so I don't think you were at fault at all.

But if you still care for him and want to get back with him you really should tell him what happened. He deserves to know.

winneythepooh7 · #3 08-29-2004, 08:14 AM

Co-sign. If you don't say anything and this comes out in the future it could end things because it could lead him to think "What else is she keeping from me?"

AlphaFrog · #4 08-29-2004, 09:06 AM

I think maybe you should tell him, but I do want to say, that while it's possible that moving your stuff caused the miscarriage, it probably didn't.

I had a long talk with my OB/GYN about this....I've moved twice since I've been pregnant, and the first time I had no restrictions on what I could or could not lift, and I was 3 almost 4 months...the second time (at 6 months) I had to be a little more careful. All I'm saying is not to blame yourself for moving, you probably didn't cause the miscarriage.

honeychile · #5 08-29-2004, 10:23 AM

Absolutely, tell him about the baby - but make sure he knows the whole story, with none of the details left out. There may come a day when the two of you really want to have a child, not a "baby", and he needs to know that you've miscarried. You don't want to have to bring it up after years of trouble carrying a baby.

James · #6 08-29-2004, 12:25 PM

Say it to him the same way you wrote it to us.

Tell him you were late, tell him you might have been pregnant but don't know.

That brings the intensity level down a notch for him, and for you also.

BabyP · #7 08-29-2004, 01:10 PM

wellllllllll I wouldnt tell him.... if you tell him, he may want to have babies or start having regrets that he wasnt there/broke up with you and you had to move...I dont know why I notice with many people that if they got pregnant and had miscarriage or thought they were pregnant (in both cases UNWANTED) they were upset that it didnt happen and they want to start having babies.... she didnt really have trouble she was only few weeks pregnant. A lot of few weeks pregnancies self abort themselves they dont grow to full fetus or something like that. I am not sure exactly .....by the way

#8 08-29-2004, 01:46 PM

I agree w/everyone else - TELL HIM!! Honesty is the best policy. If you withhold this from him now, it could lead to future problems down the road.

erniegurl00 · #9 08-29-2004, 01:50 PM

Co-sign to everyone who said "Tell Him".

Communication is so vital in a relationship. You don't want to keep something like that from him. It may be rough when you first tell him, but can you imagine what it would be like years down the road if you don't tell him and he finds out?

smiley21 · #10 08-29-2004, 02:38 PM

please tell him. at the risk of repeating what already has been said, it needs to be emphasized. he deserves to know, especially if you are back together. you don't want to have to carry around this guilt. if the secret hasn't done so already, it will come back full force and become a heavy burden, because you were not honest in the first place. this is not just about being pregnant, it could be anything. when it seriously concerns the two of you, communication is the best. no one said it will be easy, but it is important that it is out in the open. when the guy is still in your life, you don't need to be carrying this burden on your own.

wrigley · #11 08-29-2004, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by smiley21
please tell him. at the risk of repeating what already has been said, it needs to be emphasized. he deserves to know, especially if you are back together. you don't want to have to carry around this guilt. if the secret hasn't done so already, it will come back full force and become a heavy burden, because you were not honest in the first place. this is not just about being pregnant, it could be anything. when it seriously concerns the two of you, communication is the best. no one said it will be easy, but it is important that it is out in the open. when the guy is still in your life, you don't need to be carrying this burden on your own.

Your doctor suspects that you were pregnant but it was never confirmed. As for your period being late, you said that you moved back home. If you're going through a stressful time sometimes that can also cause your period to be late and include heavy bleeding. If you took a home pregnancy test and found out that way that's a different story.

Let's take a step back. She has nothing to feel guilty over. She didn't do anything wrong. Spontaneous miscarriages are quite common during the first month which is why most women don't announce their pregnancies right away.

As for telling him, I don't think it's a good idea. You have no idea how he'll take the news. Depending on his views, he may spin it to blame her for harming "their child".

smiley21 · #12 08-29-2004, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wrigley
Your doctor suspects that you were pregnant but it was never confirmed. As for your period being late, you said that you moved back home. If you're going through a stressful time sometimes that can also cause your period to be late and include heavy bleeding. If you took a home pregnancy test and found out that way that's a different story.

Let's take a step back. She has nothing to feel guilty over. She didn't do anything wrong. Spontaneous miscarriages are quite common during the first month which is why most women don't announce their pregnancies right away.

As for telling him, I don't think it's a good idea. You have no idea how he'll take the news. Depending on his views, he may spin it to blame her for harming "their child".

you misinterpretted what i said. i know she has done nothing wrong. i just think that she should tell him. in the long run, it could do more harm than good by not telling him. if she did not want anything more with this guy, then she should not have to tell him. but if she wants to have a relationship again with this guy, i think that it only fair that he should know.

Rudey · #13 08-29-2004, 03:47 PM

Did someone not make a promise with the Lord to wait?

-Rudey

adpialumcsuc · #14 08-30-2004, 12:35 PM

I think he should know but I would also find out from the Dr. for sure it was a miscarriage. Don't get me wrong he should still know even it if wasn't. I recently had some very abnormal bleeding that I thought might be a miscarriage and it ended up being just an infection due to stress, BUT they sure did run a bunch of tests to make sure that was all it was.

CASIGKAP · #15 08-30-2004, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
Did someone not make a promise with the Lord to wait?

-Rudey

Oh can it Rudey.