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  #1  
Old 08-23-2004, 09:36 AM
cashmoney cashmoney is offline
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Update on ex-misscashmoney

I got a call yesterday from her best friend telling me ex-miss cashmoney isnt doing too well. Her friend said she isnt eating well, isnt going to the gym, cries about me all the time, when they go out all she can do is start up about me and then ends up crying. She got a job right when she graduated but has since been fired/or quit because she didnt go to work for a week and half. She layed in bed whining.

Her friend thinks that I need to call her. I'm not. So what do some of you think I should do? Calling her is out of the question. Thats what she wants and I'm not doing it. However, I am a little concerned about her safety. I mean, I called it out that this would happen once she realized how bad she fucked up. She hurt me really bad, as gay as it sounds. I told her back when we first started dating that if we ever spilt she wouldn't have to worrry about me calling her up ever ( some of her exes call her up randomly) I told her she just wouldn't ever hear from me or see me again. Now, I think she realizes I wasnt fucking around. All my boys say I shouldn't call her and that when her friends call me that I shouldn't answer the phone. But like I said, I'm a little worried about her safety/health. I mean, I don't want her to be in severe depression to the point where she's not healthy and where she lost her job. So what should I do? I'm not getting back with her and I'm definitely not going to have sex with her or else I will get back with her. If I talk to her, which I'm not, but if I did it'd only hurt me more and anger me more towards her mother. It would probably help her, but it'd do me more harm than it would help her. I believe in forgiveness but not in being stupid.

So, any advice?
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  #2  
Old 08-23-2004, 10:10 AM
KappaKittyCat KappaKittyCat is offline
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The last time I was dumped, it took me three weeks of bawling, insomnia, and not eating before I was able to function again, and it it was a good two years before I realized that we weren't ever going to get back together.

The XBF didn't help matters because he insisted on calling and staying around to "make sure I was okay." The fact that he kept coming around was, to me, a sign that he still loved me and was having second thoughts about dumping me. I couldn't move on because he was still in my world.

So if you're really serious about the breakup, don't call her. Don't talk to her friends. Make it final. It hurts her more now, but will be better in the long run. I know you're concerned about her health and safety, but she could use that as a tool to keep you close. Trust that her friends aren't going to let her do anything stupid. Stand your ground.
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  #3  
Old 08-23-2004, 10:19 AM
ZTAngel ZTAngel is offline
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You probably already know what I'm going to say but I'll say it anyway....

Call her.
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  #4  
Old 08-23-2004, 10:42 AM
DGqueen17 DGqueen17 is offline
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Just call her. You obviously liked/loved her to be engaged.....surely those feelings don't just go away in a week or two.
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  #5  
Old 08-23-2004, 10:49 AM
Lady Pi Phi Lady Pi Phi is offline
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I say don't call her.
If she's really that depressed her mother/friends should be encouraging her to seek some counselling.

If you do end up call her, just make sure she knows 100% that you have no interest in getting back together with her.
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  #6  
Old 08-23-2004, 11:17 AM
kappaloo kappaloo is offline
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Don't call her.

Yes, she's hurting, she may not be healthy - but what is a call from you going to do to that? How is it going to help? Tell her friend to call her, reinforce that you two are not getting back together and that this girl needs to get her life back on track.

Perhaps in a few months, once she's better, you can call her and let her know you were really worried about her etc - but not now, imho. You'll just hurt her more.
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  #7  
Old 08-23-2004, 11:22 AM
Rudey Rudey is offline
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Well if she's depressed and getting skinnier that's a bonus right?

-Rudey
--But if she's ballooning up because of this...
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  #8  
Old 08-23-2004, 11:36 AM
winneythepooh7 winneythepooh7 is offline
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Hi Cashmoney. I don't know the whole situation and events leading up to your break up. I went through a really rough break-up in my past and I was feeling very depressed and wondering "why", and all the other loss feelings associated with a rough breakup. At the time, I hoped he would call me because I thought "if we can just talk one time, maybe it will work out". But he had his mind up and I am glad we didn't talk about the breakup. It made me realize how wrong we were for each other. It was a horrible first month after the break up, the second month was difficult too, but by the third month, although I still thought about him and wondered "why", I was able to move on. He had called me AND my friends several timesfor 2 weeks right after breaking up with me and it only led me and my friends to think he wanted to get back with me because every time he said how concerned he was and he missed me and loved me and blah blah blah. Finally we all yelled at him to stop and leave us all alone, especially me. I say that as hard as it is to turn your back on someone you once loved, unless you are completely serious about getting back with her and working through the problems, do not do it. It will only make the situation worse. Her reaction is not your problem. She needs to work her feelings out on her own. I was glad that I did because it made me learn so many things about myself I was blind to, and negative patterns in past relationships.
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  #9  
Old 08-23-2004, 11:41 AM
ADPiAkron ADPiAkron is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by KappaKittyCat
The last time I was dumped, it took me three weeks of bawling, insomnia, and not eating before I was able to function again, and it it was a good two years before I realized that we weren't ever going to get back together.

The XBF didn't help matters because he insisted on calling and staying around to "make sure I was okay." The fact that he kept coming around was, to me, a sign that he still loved me and was having second thoughts about dumping me. I couldn't move on because he was still in my world.

So if you're really serious about the breakup, don't call her. Don't talk to her friends. Make it final. It hurts her more now, but will be better in the long run. I know you're concerned about her health and safety, but she could use that as a tool to keep you close. Trust that her friends aren't going to let her do anything stupid. Stand your ground.
I had a very similar situation to Kitty Cat's and my suggestions is to NOT call her! It is true that it is so hard to get over someone and it took me over a year-- and I lost a dramatic amount of weight and even went to counseling for it!! In the end it was best for both of us to be apart and that is what I recommend for you! Hope that helps!

PS: Tell her friends to take care of her-- they are her friends for goodness sakes!
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  #10  
Old 08-23-2004, 11:46 AM
AOII_LB93 AOII_LB93 is offline
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Ditto with the people who said don't call. As much as you may make it clear that there is no hope of getting back together, there are some people who want to live in fantasy land and think that maybe you really don't mean it and do want to get back together. Don't talk to her friends either.

I'm sure that you are concerned, heck you were engaged right? I would be too, but there comes a time when you just have to let it be and not do anything. It's not going to do anyone any good if you call.
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  #11  
Old 08-23-2004, 12:33 PM
cashmoney cashmoney is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by DGqueen17
Just call her. You obviously liked/loved her to be engaged.....surely those feelings don't just go away in a week or two.

You're right, but still....do you actually think that would be best for me or for her or for the both of us? I mean, I'm not sweatin shit. I'm not whining at night time, I don't cry to my friends and I don't have my boys calling her up telling her about my current mental status. And why? I didn't do anything wrong. I guess I'm more angry than anything else. I feel like if we were to talk I'd blow up at her, kind of like the way ZTAngel did at her apt complex manager ( thats how pissed I am)
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  #12  
Old 08-23-2004, 12:35 PM
cashmoney cashmoney is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by ZTAngel
You probably already know what I'm going to say but I'll say it anyway....

Call her.


And say what?
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  #13  
Old 08-23-2004, 12:37 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Don't call her. She'll just turn a friend's concern into something it's not - you wanting to get back with her.

You're always going to have some feelings for her and worry about her - that's normal - but she needs to work her present problems out on her own.
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  #14  
Old 08-23-2004, 12:43 PM
Rudey Rudey is offline
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Is this the girl from 8th Street Latinas or the one from Captain Stabbin?

-Rudey
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  #15  
Old 08-23-2004, 12:46 PM
cashmoney cashmoney is offline
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Pooh-


Here you go, read about it.












quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by ZTAngel
What happened??? What did she do?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------






Long Story. Lets just say she did some really fucked up shit and I didnt even realize it until people from "outside the box" let me know how bad things really were, my parents included. According to her mother I'm good for nothing other than giving her a nice house and a nice lifestyle. Its a combination of things she's did to me/said to me/expected of me along with her mentality changing to that of her mother's. Her mother is a selfish bitch, told her she was a mistake and that she feels like she missed out on everything in life because miss cashmoney was born.....her mother is married to a man she's not in love with and the list goes on and on. And so since it's her mother she's begining to take on her mentality....as well as all her faults. Seriously, the woman has major issues. For example, I'm the bad guy because I didnt come and help her family remodel their house before they moved into it. I'm also the bad guy becuse I don't offer to help her mother clean her house when I'm visiting. I'm also the bad guy because I'm supposedly stealing her daughter. I'm also the bad guy because I havent made the initial effort to kiss her mother's ass and sort of apologize for not being her little bitch...despite the fact that I havent done anything wrong. What it all boils down to is, her mother doesnt like me because I remind her of miss cashmoney's father to a point to where it's scary....and since her mother feels like she's had such a shitty life and a shitty marriage, I'm therefore not good enough for her daughter other than for money and now miss cashmoney is starting to buy into her mother's own bullshit. So what happens? Miss cashmoney starts to see how far she can have me wrapped around her finger and how much power she has over me in a sense. She puposely tries to make me go back on something I'm standing firm on just to see if she can get me do what she wants....no matter how firm I am about something. And whats worse is that she admits to it and tells me thats what she was trying to do, which is like a double slap in the face. She tells me that I dont do enough to help her family.....despite the fact that I've already gone in to business with one of her uncles to help get the exporting business offf the ground.

What I've realized is....her mother is basically telling her to wear the pants in the relationship or else its going to be a living hell. And thats exactly what she's been trying to do for the past 2 weeks. It got to the point where she told me this is how its going to be and that I needed to change and be like this.....and that if I loved her enough I would do all of it along with all the bullshit with her mother....it was too much. All my friends and family were in shock when I told them whats been going on. Everyone says that shit isnt normal and that it sounded like i was marrying into the mafia. Its all fucked up and now I'm out of a 2 kt diamond ring. I just couldnt handle going into a family where I know the mother will never accept me. I hate the fact that I can stand right there in front of her mother and be talking to her and she has this big smile on her face and is always nice to me...but then behind my back she does nothing but talk shit about me. Everyone else in her family adores me except her mother. Literally, I've done nothing wrong to her...she's the first girl I've been totally right with and never cheated on.

Believe me, there's so much more to this story but I dont have the time nor do I want to get in my personal life very much on a public message board.....am I hurting? Very much so. Can I do anything about it? No. I told her I want nothing to do with her until she changes...she comes back with "You're the one that needs to do the changing." When she said that, I knew there was no hope. The way I look at it...she fucked up big time. She doesnt realize it now...but very soon she will.
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