disaffiliated and questions

[Allmixedup311]

hi i am new here, but have a question i was hoping you guys (and girls) could answer

i transfered to a new school and immediately rush started i went in blindly and pledged a fraternity. a number of things happened during pledging that i didn't agree with or like, but each time i was convinced to stick it out. however the week after getting intiated i couldn't take it any longer and disaffiliated.

now the thing is that was last fall, and now as fall is approaching again, and i have a better gauge on things, i want to rush again.

i have a letter from the fraternity i joined saying i am disaffiliated and all of that

if i rush again what are the chances on getting a bid do you guys think, what would you think if a rushee came through and explained this to you? i have friends in all three of the fraternities i am looking at (sae, sigep, and kappa sigma) and they have all encouraged me to rush but does anyone know the overal policies of these mentioned fraternities regarding a situation such as mine?

[steve1869]

no self respecting Fraternity would ever pledge or initiate a man who has joined and abandoned his previous Order.

[KSUViolet06]

It really depends on your school. Also, does every fraternity pledge guys w/ disaffiliation letters? You may want to check up on that b/c I think those fraternities won't pledge anyone who's been previously initiated by another, I know for a fact that Kappa Sigma doesn't.


Maybe some of our GC guys can help you more than I can.

[AlphaSigOU]

Generally, once you are initiated into a fraternity, you may not become a member of another. Even if you have a letter from the previous fraternity stating that you are no longer a member, the constitution and bylaws of many (but not all) fraternities prohibit it.

Back when I was an undergrad years ago I pledged one fraternity when they were colonizing; two weeks before the founding father class was to go through initiation I was put up before the colony's judicial board (for a stupid and youthful indiscretion that I will not discuss here) and unceremoniously kicked out two weeks before I was to be initiated. Devastated? You bet your ass I was.

Luckily, spring formal rush started the following week. I went into it hoping to get a bid; had I not succeded, I would have probably written off the greek system altogether.

Some of the fraternities wouldn't even give me the time of day once I told them I had depledged from (XYZ) fraternity, others were kind of cool about it, though I pretty much knew I would have had a snowball's chance in hell of getting a bid, and a couple of other fraternities seriously considered offering me a bid. I found my home at Alpha Sigma Phi and have never been disappointed.

[Kevin]

Originally posted by steve1869
no self respecting Fraternity would ever pledge or initiate a man who has joined and abandoned his previous Order.

I think it can be more complicated than that. If I were active and you were looking to rush my chapter, my vote would hinge a lot on why you no longer wanted to be affiliated with your previous organization.

In other words, I'd be interested in whose fault it was that you're no longer a member of that chapter and why.

It's times like these that I'm glad that NPC rules are more cut and dry than their male counterparts.

Obviously I'm not a guy, but from what has been said on GC, you need a letter from the Fraternity acknowledging your disaffiliation (which you've already got). Whether or not these orgs on your campus gives you a chance, I don't know because attitudes regarding your situation are very much similar to that of steve1869's response.

Still, I've heard of stories from guys who ended up finding their homes in their 2nd attempt at brotherhood, so happy endings do occur sometimes.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally posted by OohTeenyWahine
It's times like these that I'm glad that NPC rules are more cut and dry than their male counterparts.

Amen to THAT!!

[AlphaSigOU]

Originally posted by steve1869
no self respecting Fraternity would ever pledge or initiate a man who has joined and abandoned his previous Order.

I can understand where you're coming from, but there are the rare occasions where you might find a quality person who had made a mistake.

If someone wanted to join my fraternity and concealed the fact that he was active and we found out about it, this guy's pin would be yanked and he'd be kicked out so fast he wouldn't have time to even catch his breath.

The single-membership clause in many fraternities and sororities is designed to prevent divided loyalties. My fraternity was originally founded as a sophomore class society at Yale; in those days it was not unusual for one to belong to four different fraternities in four years of college at Yale.

[steve1869]

Chosing your Fraternal organization is a very important decision that should take time and consideration. If you had doubts while you pledged, it is your fault for not quitting before you were initiated. There was obviously something that attracted you to the original Fraternity. I just think it shows lack of character and commitment(two cornerstones of all Fraternities) to chose an organization, continue to pledge until you are initiated, then desert the fraternity that you were bound to by Oath.

steve

[DaveSAE]

If you have initiated with another Fraternity, disaffiliating doesn't matter. If the chapter really believes in you, they can get permission from the proper people - Province Archon (president) and possibly the Supreme Council (basically the board of directors).

It's happened before, so there is precedent. However, it will require some work. It's unfortunate that you had a bad fraternity experience... props to you for getting back on the horse and recognizing that not every chapter is that way. I would challenge you to stand on your convictions if anything happens to you in your new fraternity that you disagree with. Take it up with the chapter president... lay out your expectations before accepting a bid and get a verbal commitment that there is zero hazing in the chapter. If you get a line like "it's nothing you can't handle" or "we all made it through", dig a little deeper and ask what will happen. If you disagree with it, either move on or bring it up with the proper people (Greek Advisor comes to mind).

Hazing is a serious problem that will be the end of Fraternity. There needs to be good dialog and more students like you willing to stand up against a hazing chapter. Good luck to you!

[Kevin]

Originally posted by steve1869
Chosing your Fraternal organization is a very important decision that should take time and consideration. If you had doubts while you pledged, it is your fault for not quitting before you were initiated. There was obviously something that attracted you to the original Fraternity. I just think it shows lack of character and commitment(two cornerstones of all Fraternities) to chose an organization, continue to pledge until you are initiated, then desert the fraternity that you were bound to by Oath.

steve

You seem to believe that an oath is unconditional. The organization also has obligations to its members -- to provide an opportunity for good brotherhood, to be safe, etc.

If the organization fails on what is promised and the member chooses to gain dismissal through the correct channels, then he is actually honoring his oath in many cases. As I said before, it's not as cut and dry as it seems.

And as I said before -- be open with the reason that you disaffiliated. When the guys in the chapters you are looking at are considering a bid, your reasons will play a big role. Also, don't be surprised if you find yourself without a bid. There are plenty of folks like steve1869 who really don't care why you went your own way.

Best of luck.

[Little E]

I agree with ktsnake be open, but also be very careful that your openness doesn't turn into slander (or whatever that word I'm searching for is.) It helps to tell the story, but it doesn't help to only dwell. Good Luck

[shadokat]

No doubt!!

Originally posted by OohTeenyWahine
It's times like these that I'm glad that NPC rules are more cut and dry than their male counterparts.

[Kevin]

Originally posted by shadokat
No doubt!!

By the same token, I find it nice that our organizations trust us enough to exercise our ability to decide these types of issues for ourselves. Free will is a good thing that usually yields good results -- either we make a good decision or learn from our mistake.

If there are too many rules sheltering you from making mistakes, you'll never benefit from the experience of having screwed up.

When we were a colony, we screwed up a lot. I have to tell you that our experience from those screw ups was 10 times as valuable as what we would have had if we were just along for the ride.

-- So there are two sides to that coin is all I'm saying

[IvySpice]

I agree with you, ktsnake, the IFC system makes more sense to me. I think a vow, like a marriage vow, is a two-way street. If you are abused or abandoned by the person or people you vowed loyalty to, well, I think you can relinquish your obligations. And I wouldn't hold it against someone that that happened to them; I certainly wouldn't assume anything negative about their character without knowing the whole story. Not all "divorces" reflect disloyalty or haste on the part of the divorcee.