Fraternity rush - long

[TSteven]

Apologies in advance for the length of this post. I want to provide as much background info as I can so y'all can understand the situation.

A friend of mines son (I'll call Adam) is planning on rushing this fall. He will be a freshman at a large university. His Mother (I'll call Jane) is familiar with the school and the Greek system there. Jane is an alumna of an NPC sorority and would like Adam to experience fraternity life. Adam's dad attended a college where there wasn't any Greeks but is supportive as well.

Jane has said that on this campus, all the chapters are fairly strong and that the sizes range from the 40s to just over 100 guys per chapter. Freshman do not live in the houses thus there really isn't any campus total or quota as issues.

Ok, now that I've got the background out of the way, here is the issue. Adam plans on rushing with four other friends. They have decided that they are going to rush as a group and that either they all go to the same fraternity or not at all. They even joked about forming their own if need be.

According to Jane, the guys have all known each other since junior high and while attending two different high schools, have remained very close. They have been on various high school and city wide sports teams, held offices, received awards, been top of their class etc. For example, Adam played in his high school band and was on the hockey team. Others have played soccer, basketball, tennis, been in band, various other clubs etc. So the group as a whole is very well rounded.

In any case, Jane has let Adam know that while not improbable, it may be difficult for all to receive a bid to the same chapter. However, she is willing to help him and the guys. She isn't sure what to do and asked me for some advice.

Frankly, I'm not so sure as well. Thus the post.

I told her that most fraternities do not rush "groups" per say. That each man is rushed on his own merits etc. At least that is usually the "official" policy. But if they are each truly strong candidates, then I didn't think it would be impossible.

I forgot to add that rush is at the start of the school year. My understanding is that they have to visit each chapter (open houses) the first day or two, then they are allowed to go back to the chapters they want the next few days. The chapters may also invite rushees back specifically then as well. In any case, most chapters make their events an "invite only" about the 4th day or so. Depends on the chapters. I think Jane said that bids may be offered starting the 2nd or 3rd day of rush (after the open houses) and that it is possible to receive a bid from more than one chapter.

Now here is what I suggested. Again, I'm not familiar with this campus' fraternity rush so these are kind of generic suggestions. I did suggest that Jane call the university's Greek Affairs office to be sure that everything they do is appropriate.

1. Have a set down with all the guys and explain the situation. Make sure they fully understand what to expect. Be sure that all the guys are on the same page so to speak.

2. If they already know a member or members of chapters on the campus, approach them about rush. Try to get an idea as to what they can expect.

3. Check with the guys to see if any of the guys might be a legacy. (None in Jane's family.) If so, see if that relative would be willing to write a recommendation for all the guys.

4. Have all five list the top three "things" that they want to get out of a fraternity. And not just generic stuff like brotherhood, but stuff like strong GPA, active in intramural sports, community service, campus leaders what not. Then take the top overall three "things" and research which chapters on the campus are most likely to fit the group's ideal.

As I said, Jane knows the chapters, and their reputations, fairly well so she should be able to point them in the right direction. But she wants to be sure that it is their choice.

Here are a few other random things we discussed and I really wasn't sure how to advise her.

1. How should they go about actual rush? Should they make it clear it's an "all for one" thing? I suggested that while they present a "unified" group, they should not be "cocky" or defensive about it.

2. Adam said that they would be willing to join a "struggling" fraternity if it meant they all would be together. Which given the leadership qualities of the group, may actually be a good fit. But Jane didn't think any of the chapters would be considered as struggling. If there is a group struggling, how do they present their "package deal" to them? Do you tell the brothers "Hey, we can come in and help you be strong." Some chapters may like that, others might be offended.

3. There is a chapter recolonization. I suggested that they might want to look at the colony. That they might be more willing to take the whole group.

4. Jane was thinking that maybe she or the guys should call before rush to see if a chapter would be open to the idea. I didn't think this was necessarily a good idea. That it might be too weird for them when they finally went through rush. "Oh, y'all are the guys that all want to be in the same chapter."

5. And finally, what about contingency plans? I suggested that they should come up with some in their "pre-rush" set-down meeting. For example, what if Adam finds that he fits better with XYZ and the others want to go somewhere else? How do they decide "as a group" which chapter is best? And what if no chapter wants the whole group? My suggestion was that they could do the following. That they revisit this nightly when going through rush. That they keep an open mind and realize that some may want to go to one group, others to another and even some may decide that they don't want to be in a fraternity. How do they ensure that peer pressure doesn't get the best of them? Make a pack? One other possible situation was that if they couldn't find one group for them all by a certain date, they they would agree to go where they want. Yet Jane was clear that Adam, and the guys, are rather stubborn and that they really all do want to be in the same fraternity. So the only other thing I could think of was that maybe if it doesn't happen their fall semester, that can either try again in the spring or go their own ways then - i.e. rush where they want.

Any comments and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.