Girlfriends and Brothers

#1 09-24-2002, 10:39 PM

Many of my brothers seemed to disapear when they got a Girlfriends. Somehow the girls would drag them away from house functions. Each time I visited our chapter at Cornell I was impressed by one of the brothers GF's who was really supportive of him, and involved with the house. That's what I really looked for in a girl, and I am so happy that I finally found one.
What are some other guys or girls' experiences out there?

Should I encourage her to join a sorority? are first impressions about this misleading? What sorts of things should I look out for (in terms of what sort of events are really good for couples, and what I should avoid).

comparing stories is great to. PM me

meliss · #2 09-24-2002, 10:51 PM

My boyfriend is in a fraternity so i can sorta give the other side of the story. we were going out before he joined, and comparably it was hard bc he doesnt have alot of time for me. the fraternity gives him alot of obligations, and so when something is not mandatory he will tend to want to see me, and of course i am happy about it too. its not that hes slacking off to the house but when something else comes into your life you have to spread yourself a little more thinly. im really glad that he joined the house and everything, but sometimes it is very hard. i like to think i am supportive, i like getting to know the poeple in the house, helping with rush, doing whatever for him and the house. this is probly really unclear but im typing quick!!

Optimist Prime · #3 09-24-2002, 10:58 PM

some guys get stuck up their ass. Other crawl back out and then come visit me and say hi.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #4 09-24-2002, 11:10 PM

But what if you're the girlfriend? I always hated going by a fraternity and seeing The Girlfriend That Won't Go Away -- yes, she's always with her guy, but MUST SHE BE THERE ALL THE TIME?! Good greif, baby, get some air.

*Ahem.* What I meant to say, is, from a brother's perspective -- how much supportiveness is too much?

Greek love,
~ Jacquelyn

CarolinaDG · #5 09-24-2002, 11:26 PM

Hey, y'all...
I actually just recently approached this question with my boyfriend, too. I'm in a sorority (obviously!) and he's in a fraternity. My question to him was how much "me and him" time I should give at fraternity functions (most recently, tailgates). The answer we found was this... He has his friends and I have mine, and even though we're together, we don't have to be glued. I love the guys in his fraternity. I honestly get along with all the ones that I know. So, when I'm at the tent, I go and talk to different brothers, and he goes and talks to his friends, too. He makes sure that I'm all right, happy, and that I don't need anything. But other than that, we have our own separate lives. Like, he went to happy hour without me. And I went out without him that same night, then came over to see him later on. I see girls who are glued to their fraternity boyfriends, and don't have any life without them, and I don't want to be that type of person. The thing is, I'm with him because I'm crazy about the guy. I think he's wonderful. But I have priorities. And we both make sure that our priorities are in order. I would never make him miss something fraternity to come see me. That's ridiculous. The fraternity came first, and comes first in priorities. I mean, granted, if he misses something important because there's a mixer, I may just be a little peeved, but it's all relative. We have our time with just the two of us, we have time at functions where we do the whole, social, "Hi, this is my girlfriend" kind of deal, and we have time where we lead our separate lives. This, to me, is the perfect situation.

gphiangel624 · #6 09-24-2002, 11:33 PM

My boyfriend is in a fraternity (and I'm in a sorority obviously), and things work out just fine. We were friends first (known each other since freshman year, began dating right before junior year, we're now seniors). We're both really busy because of school, our jobs, our chapters, and we both hold high positions in our chapters (I'm a VP, he's Pledge Ed), but we're able to spend time together. I go to pretty much all of the events his chapter holds and much of the time, he's either in another part of the house with his friends and I'm off with some of my friends, or some of his bros or whatever. We spend a great deal of time together, but I don't think the fact that we're both involved in our chapters makes much of a difference.

Dionysus · #7 09-25-2002, 12:02 AM

Don't have any other advice except: Bro's before ho's.

Kevin · #8 09-25-2002, 01:17 AM

I wouldn't go so far as Dionysis... It's like any other committment though. You just have to figure out how to manage it best. I have a great deal of responsibility in my fraternity and therefore it is a pretty big commitment. I'm also very involved in campus life... Work 2 jobs also... Still have time for my girlfriend. She's had to learn to be tolerant (and still has difficulties) but we get along fine.

LeslieAGD · #9 09-25-2002, 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
But what if you're the girlfriend? I always hated going by a fraternity and seeing The Girlfriend That Won't Go Away -- yes, she's always with her guy, but MUST SHE BE THERE ALL THE TIME?! Good greif, baby, get some air.

*Ahem.* What I meant to say, is, from a brother's perspective -- how much supportiveness is too much?

I think there's a difference between the "House girlfriends" that get to know the brothers (...and their girlfirends) as opposed to the obnoxious ones that stare down everyone who goes near her boyfriend like they're trying to steal him or turn him against her.

Back on the topic, from my experience, it's pretty normal for new couples to drop everything for each other. If you give them some time, they'll come back on their own, but if you harp on them they'll just get defensive.

33girl · #10 09-25-2002, 10:16 AM

I would encourage her to go Greek if she wants to, but don't make her feel as though she has to be Greek or in a certain sorority (like maybe the one you guys always hang out with) - tell her to do what she feels is right for her. One sister of ours pledged solely because of the guy she was madly in love with telling her ASA was his fave sorority. She self-terminated shortly after her initiation.

Kevin · #11 09-25-2002, 10:19 AM

My girlfriend is very against joining a sorority. I tried to convince her it would be right but I respect her decision not to join. Her palate is fairly full as it is.

aephi alum · #12 09-25-2002, 10:21 AM

When I dated fraternity members, I made a point of getting to know some of the brothers and not just latch onto the guy I was dating. In the same vein, when dating an independent, I made a point of getting to know his friends.

My husband is an independent. It was late spring when we met, and I was a rho chi, so for the first 3 months of our relationship, the only demands on our time were our jobs - and honestly, I think it helped us establish our relationship and get through that phase where you're superglued to each other, before rush and fall semester. Of course, during rush I did have to tell him "just pretend I'm overseas for the next week"

After that, it was just an exercise in time management.

CarolinaDG · #13 09-25-2002, 11:09 AM

What about the reverse? What if a girl completely withdraws from the sorority because of her fraternity boyfriend. My roommate does nothing without her boyfriend. She pledged because he was in a fraternity. He's busy with homecoming? Well, she'll do homecoming, too. He has a job with the hockey team? She'll try out for the hockey team's dance team. It's as if his life dictates her. They've been together for four years, so I know she's happy and everything, but she's also one of my sisters, so I don't want to see her withdraw from the sorority. Granted, I'm tempted sometimes to just drop things for my boyfriend, but she takes things to an extreme. Should I say something to her about it, or am I crazy for thinking she's wrong to do this.

Dionysus · #14 09-25-2002, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CarolinaDG
What about the reverse? What if a girl completely withdraws from the sorority because of her fraternity boyfriend. My roommate does nothing without her boyfriend. She pledged because he was in a fraternity. He's busy with homecoming? Well, she'll do homecoming, too. He has a job with the hockey team? She'll try out for the hockey team's dance team. It's as if his life dictates her. They've been together for four years, so I know she's happy and everything, but she's also one of my sisters, so I don't want to see her withdraw from the sorority. Granted, I'm tempted sometimes to just drop things for my boyfriend, but she takes things to an extreme. Should I say something to her about it, or am I crazy for thinking she's wrong to do this.

...and in this case: sisters before misters.

Seriously though, why put your life on the line for ONE person that may dump you in any second, such as a boyfriend (particularly HS and college ones).

KappaKittyCat · #15 09-25-2002, 11:40 AM

I get nervous when any couple is fused at the pelvis, Greek or not.

And if I'm dating a Greek, I like to get to know the whole house. That way I feel comfortable just going over there and don't feel as if I have to be with my SO to justify my presence.

I've seen it work out positively in some cases. For example, a freshman girl is dating an upperclass fraternity guy and she's glued to him. He realizes that she needs to develop some life of her own, so he encourages her to go Greek. She finds an entire world that he's not a part of, and she's got her safety net all set for when he cheats on her for four months and then dumps her... oh, wait, sorry. Got a little carried away there.

Bottom line: Maintain personalities when dating! No merging!