Am I being too Irrational???

[DG515]

Ok, here's the LOOOONG story short...

1)Girl (that's me) meets guy (let's call him tim) last spring...click instantly, like GREAT friends.

2)Girl and Guy are JUST FRIENDS up unti past Nov and start a casual dating/ "together" relationship (not quite FWB, because we were actually dating, but not exclusively)

3)Girl and guy end relationship and stay good friends

4)Guy has fraternity formal, and from the BEGINNING (even before guy and girl were together) has said he's going alone (Tickets are $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ (for dates) and he said he wanted to drink and be with brothers) Girl a little miffed, but understands the $$$$ and the wanting to be with brothers

5)Girl has sorority formal and after long thinking, asks guy to be her date: she knows she'll be comfortable around him and he'll have some brothers there to hang out with when it's girl-time *pictures/bathroom breaks* (ya'll understand :-P) Guy accepts and seems excited.

6)Girl was going to pay for date's ticket (being as SHE asked HIM) and they were going to do a really casual dinner *LOL--Wendy's* (neither have piles of cash sitting around)
~*~Then Tonight~*~
7)Girl gets ride for date and herself so that she can pregame a tad with him and not have to worry about either person driving (date lives on-campus/no car) and tells guy about "Exciting news"

THIS IS THE CONVERSATION THAT TRANSPIRED M=me, H=him

M: So I got us a ride for formal so I can pregame it with you
H: We're going to formal?
M: We WERE going.......I asked you like a month ago and you said you wanted to go?
H:Yeah, that's cool...may 8th?
M:Yup, indeed
H:Yeah, I'd love to go :ause:: I mean, I'm gonna be tanked, so it'll be fun

Point A)Can he only go if he's tanked??
B)Does he only want to go to get tanked?
~*~Yes, I could be reading into the above two, the rest are very good points~*~
C)I don't mind that I'm paying for the tickets (i asked him), I don't mind that I was going to have to drive (he doesn't have a car on campus, I go to a commuter school), I don't mind that we were probably gonna split dinner (like I said, we don't have tons of money laying around, nor time to go to a fancy sit-down restraunt) and I was ok with the fact that I wasn't probably gonna get flowers or anything ($$$ and the fact that he doesn't always think about stuff like that) but......BUT........he's gonna spend the cash at a CASH BAR at MY FORMAL to get TANKED?!?!?

Dude, at the least, $.99 for a carnation (or maybe :gasp: $2.00 for a rose) and like $3 or $4 for dinner at Wendy's........i don't ask for much (lol) I'm very easy to please.....and it's the thought that counts anyways....but there'll be NO flower, and I'm gonna pay for the TICKETS and he's gonna go buy booze?? watered-down, EXPENSIVE AS HELL BOOZE?!?!?!?

I'm to the point now where the whole IDEA of formal is just kind of a turn-off for me.....like i don't even want to really go anymore because if i go by myself or with my sisters or with someone else, i'm gonna think about the whole deal.....if i go with him, I'm gonna be babysitting him all night.....

Or do I even have a right to be upset?? I think it's kind of rude....but maybe it's just me??

Thanks for reading all the way through this!
.:Mandie:.

[valkyrie]

My guess is that he just said that and wasn't really thinking, you know -- how you sometimes say something dumb and it doesn't really mean anything? I wouldn't read too much into it. Just go and have fun and remember that you're just friends. As long as you don't expect anything more than to have fun with a friend, you'll probably have a great time.

I can totally understand what you're saying about the idea of formal being a turn-off at this point. It's fun to get dressed up, but the whole pressure to have a date thing is a bit much, I think.

[justamom]

I agree-not the most tactful thing to say- kind of thoughtless.

Just blow it off-chalk it up to a lack of polish and have a great time!

[DZPrincess2003]

At least he's going.... my date the love of my life cancelled 2 hours before formal. I about had a nervous breakdown. His excuse was good at the time (He was supposed to leave for Haiti Wed and he had just found out) but now he didn't leave after all and def could have gone. I ended up finding another date in that short amount of time (Theta Chi's always pull through!) but all he did that time was get tanked and then left halfway through to go to a local bar to party with his brothers. Next year I'm not even getting a date.

[AchtungBaby80]

Originally posted by DZPrincess2003
At least he's going.... my date the love of my life cancelled 2 hours before formal.

Been there. Only in my case, it was an hour after he was supposed to pick me up. But don't go without a date--that sucks worse because you have nobody to dance with.

DG515's guy sounds like a) a flake, or b) he has a bad sense of humor. Or maybe c) he's one of those people who say things without thinking.

[honeychile]

He's being a guy.

You need to decide if you're more comfortable with a guy or a man, because they're two different types of male.

[IheartMATT806]

I'd just go solo or find a new date...FAST! he does not sound too promising.

[James]

Honeychile is right. you have a right to expect what he isn't giving you, attention to detail etc . . but you don't have the right to expect it from him.

ITs just not his deal. There are a lot of guys that would do a lot of the little romantic things because they were just raised that way . . you just made a bad pick if you expect normal levels of consideration.

See my thread about settling lol.

Originally posted by honeychile
He's being a guy.

You need to decide if you're more comfortable with a guy or a man, because they're two different types of male.

[XOMichelle]

Tell him you want to go with him, but don't want him to get tanked at your formal since he'll be a pain to take care of. If that's what he's going to do, find another date.

[DZPrincess2003]

I disagree about having to have another date or you won't have anyone to dance with. I ended up finding a last minute date but he sucked and never danced once... I had an AWESOME time dancing with my sisters (the guys hardly danced at all) and even slow danced with a couple of them!

[DG515]

thanks guys...it's been a lot to think about in the past 24 hours....this guy was/is one of my closest friends (at one point, would consider him one of my best friends) and i know better than to honestly expect all of the sweet little romantic details :-P Not so much solely because of consideration, but because of money....I even mentioned it just because it's just kind of irk-enducing when money's so tight, and i use that as part of the excuse as to why he won't probably do them and then he goes out and spends it on alcohol....

The main issue is the consideration and getting "tanked"....when we were together, and even until recently, he's not really ever gotten TANKED when he knew we were gonna hang out....he always held off out of respect (my dad used to drink a lot *he knows that* and he's always wanted to be sober (or mostly ;-) )around me out of respect for me and for our friendship) But it's like...on this night....all of a sudden...he seems focused on getting tanked.....I'm not gonna babysit him while he gets trashed at MY formal......i don't care if he drinks some, but that's really disrespectful to say youre gonna go and JUST get tanked....

Or maybe it's just me....
.:mandie:.

[James]

You are overreacting because this is something that bothers you. The people that said he was probably just being flippant or incautious about what he was saying are probably right.

Don't let your own hang-ups (an aversion to excessive drinking) lead you to prejudge others.

Originally posted by DG515
thanks guys...it's been a lot to think about in the past 24 hours....this guy was/is one of my closest friends (at one point, would consider him one of my best friends) and i know better than to honestly expect all of the sweet little romantic details :-P Not so much solely because of consideration, but because of money....I even mentioned it just because it's just kind of irk-enducing when money's so tight, and i use that as part of the excuse as to why he won't probably do them and then he goes out and spends it on alcohol....

The main issue is the consideration and getting "tanked"....when we were together, and even until recently, he's not really ever gotten TANKED when he knew we were gonna hang out....he always held off out of respect (my dad used to drink a lot *he knows that* and he's always wanted to be sober (or mostly ;-) )around me out of respect for me and for our friendship) But it's like...on this night....all of a sudden...he seems focused on getting tanked.....I'm not gonna babysit him while he gets trashed at MY formal......i don't care if he drinks some, but that's really disrespectful to say youre gonna go and JUST get tanked....

Or maybe it's just me....
.:mandie:.

[AchtungBaby80]

Originally posted by DZPrincess2003
I disagree about having to have another date or you won't have anyone to dance with.

Well, you can dance with your sisters unless they all have dates of their own, like mine did. Or, you could steal someone's date, like I did, but I wouldn't recommend it. People get sort of territorial over stuff like that.

[sororitygirl2]

Okay, first of all, I kind of do think you are overreacting. Maybe you are letting your feelings and your history get in the way? I mean, why would you expect romantic things from him if you are JUST FRIENDS, as you say you are? I think you may still like him...

Also, you invited him so you are obligated to pay in my book. When I took guys to my formals and stuff, I was the one dropping cash so they could get wasted - I spare no expense to show a guy a good time! (Okay, I spare some things - I'm not slutty!)

Anyway, I agree with the people who said he's just a guy. College guys - at least for the most part - like to get "tanked" once in awhile, and hey, so do college girls - NO BIG DEAL. Also, while I am sure he could have fun even if sober, Even I think that a few drinks make a huge group of girls more bearable - and I'm a girl. Afterall, there can be a lot of drama that comes on formal night, and it sometimes freaks guys out.

I say take him to formal, knock back a few and live it up!

Oh, and as for the people who say go without a date - I disagree. You don't want to sit around and watch all the girls having fun with their dates and be sad. And, even if you can dance with your sisters, who will you slow dance with? Only go alone if you really don't want to take him, can't think of ANY other good guy-friend options and don't trust your friends enough for a setup. I mean, I'm independent and all, but some things are just more fun with a date!

[DZPrincess2003]

It's definitely more fun with a date.... but honestly none of the dates really danced and I think there were like 2 slow songs the entire time. Quite a few sisters came without dates.... guys around here aren't that excited about Greek events.