Married girlfriends and Single girlfriends...

[AKA2D '91]

For those of you who are married, has it been hard to maintain 'ships with your "girls" who are not married?

And single sistas, has it been awkward or hard to maintain your 'ship with your girl(s) who has recently gotten married or has been married for years with children and all that?

For those of you who are married, what does your husband have to say about you "hanging" with our "girls"? Or does he have anything to say at all?

[exquizit]

It's very different from when I used to hang with them when they were single. I hear "Well you know what it's like once you're married" or something equally as stupid! ( I'm just a little bitter lol)

But seriously....They tend to lean toward their spouse now whereas they used to lean on me, and that's natural. It just leaves me feeling slighted sometimes.

On another note, some never changed at all and they still have a healthy loving relationship with their husband. I guess it all depends on each person.

[This message has been edited by exquizit (edited May 28, 2001).]

[Miss. Mocha]

I'm married, I've been married for six years.

I still share the same relationship with the friends who mean the most to me. The fact that they are single doesn't play a part.We still giggle on the telephone late into the night. We still spend hours running through the mall. We do "girls night/afternoon" out. It's basically the same as it was in highschool or college.

What actually seems to be a more challenging situation is continuing the same level of friendship with my childless friends.

Most females don't mind you bringing your mate along on outings, but I have some childless friends (and family members) who really don't like children, and that's totally stressful, since my daughter is basically my shadow.

[ENDROAD]

There must have been some kind of bug or other equipment in my house this weekend . Bear with me my story is really hilarious. My husband absolutely despises in and envious way, my single girlfriend, so much so that earlier last month I lied and told him she was engaged just to get him off my back. True enough we would go out and stay out until the clubs closed and do the breakfast thing afterward. Yes, I know this was wrong but she is my girl and we were having a lot of fun. I now have cut back because she has this great new job that takes up a lot of time and I am trying to save money. But the thing is you have to respect your husband's wishes within reason. I told him I am still young and her and I have been friends since we were 15. That this is my girl and you are my husband. I know this post is getting long so let me just let you all in on the funny part, They are cool now, he (my husband) is always teasing us and saying how much I love her (he calls her my Boo and my girlfriend) but you know the funny thing is he has a Boo too, his friend is soooo annoying. We tease each other back and forth when one of our friends call we say your husband or wife is calling you, it is really funny now. So my situation might be unique but I just wanted to share the idea that your friends can coincide with your marriage if you just remember to keep your priorities FIRST.

[Chi_ZETABBW]

I married the first time @ 21, right out of college. My first husband was very charming, out-going, easy-going. He had no problems with my girlfriends. My single girlfriends had no problem with me being married. I had 2 that were jealous, very jealous, but didn't realize it until I was getting divorced. Second husband, very stand-offish. Wants me to be totally under him, at 36, I'm not having it. I'm grown, independent, enjoy alone time as well as time with friends. In this time most of my friends have been married, divorced, cohabitating, etc. We still cool. Only 1 or 2 act shady when they get a man. but they don't usually keep them long. LOL.
I agree with the sisterfriend concerning children. I have no children. I like kids, but don't want to be around them if I'm hanging with a girlfriend. So that cuts down on alot of time spent with girlfriends.

[Eclipse]

Originally posted by AKA2D '91:
For those of you who are married, has it been hard to maintain 'ships with your "girls" who are not married?

And single sistas, has it been awkward or hard to maintain your 'ship with your girl(s) who has recently gotten married or has been married for years with children and all that?

For those of you who are married, what does your husband have to say about you "hanging" with our "girls"? Or does he have anything to say at all?

As with anything, you get out of it what you put into it. As a married woman I do find myself spending less time with my single girlfriends. Why? There are only 7 evenings in a week. After my Bible Study night, 1 - 2 committee meetings/volunteer obligations, 1 "do nothing/just for Eclipse" night, there is not a lot of time left. I have to make time for my honey, so sometimes my single girls don't get the same amount of time. It is a lot easier to do "couple things" so you have your girlfriend time and time with him. I always find it funny when we are hanging out with 1 or 2 other couples and we end up men in one area, women in the other. Makes me feel like my parents!! Also, several single friends & I have drifted apart, just because. No problems, but we are at different stages in our lives. Of course the true blue, through thick and thin friends are always there no matter what stage of life we are in!! I always make time for them and my husband understands that when I say certain names not to expect me before midnight!

[meeks]

Originally posted by Eclipse:
Also, several single friends & I have drifted apart, just because. No problems, but we are at different stages in our lives.

I think this is absolutely true. I am at a different stage in my life than one of my closest friends and I find it harder and harder to relate to her b/c of this. (ie she goes to the club every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday while I am in school drowning in books or whatever else.) She isn't in a relationship and I am. We still find time to talk each other to death on occasion!



[This message has been edited by meeks (edited May 29, 2001).]

[Diamond007]

I have the opposite problem when I want to hang my sisterfriends or sorors say girl you need to go home to your husband. I am like D I am still an individual. I love going out as a group with single or coupled friends with my husband I have the best time. My honey is like my best friend but dag if he is out of town with the boys at some frat round up I would love to just have a blast like I used to have before I was married or without children. Maybe it is because I am Miss Serious and Business like most of the time but D I like to work hard and play hard. Then I have friends that will drink and talk all night but I enjoy dancing and they are like we don't go to clubs...... I am like there are some really nice up scale classy establishments that we can have a blast!!! Dag!!!!!

[Lovely]

I agree with Mocha-my childless friends have homes that are not child-proof and I don't let my kid run wild-period. I know his age-appropriate behavior and it's unfair to have him confined for too long. I don't want my husband hanging out with single nor cheating married men and he feels the same way. i have so much on my plate and my single girlfriends do stuff like up and fly to Jamaica, etc i can't do that. And I enjoy ball games with my kid. But I am here for them.

[AKA2D '91]

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[Sexy Mocha]

One of my best friends just recently got engaged. It's kind of been hard on everyone involved. My single friends and I still go out and party...just the other night one of my girls had a small gathering at her house and we did not tell our engaged friend about it because we had invited a few single men from out of town. We missed her because she is usually with us when we have these little "get togethers" and she said she felt left out because she couldn't come. Her fiance(sp?) doesn't really want her hanging out with us because he knows we are all pretty much single(I had to word that carefully...you never know who's reading these posts ) and he thinks she's going to be tempted if she's with us. It's just something we all have to get used to I guess...