Can Men and Women Be Truly Just Friends?

SummerChild · #1 05-23-2006, 07:43 PM

Can men and women be truly just friends?

I ask b/c I was reading another thread and it struck me that the few guys who are in my friend circle approached me, I declined and *THEN* we later became friends. Are there any genuinely true male-female friendships out there in which there was never a romantic (or potential romantic) aspect to the relationship?

Is it possible? genetically?

enigma_AKA · #2 05-23-2006, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SummerChild
Can men and women be truly just friends?

I ask b/c I was reading another thread and it struck me that the few guys who are in my friend circle approached me, I declined and *THEN* we later became friends. Are there any genuinely true male-female friendships out there in which there was never a romantic (or potential romantic) aspect to the relationship?

Is it possible? genetically?

LOL @ genetically. You sound like Harry a la 'When Harry met Sally'.

I think so. Maybe it's because I'm younger or because I've gotten wiser, but I have quite a few male friends who were never interests (neither interested in me nor me them). Is there potential? Yes, but I think we have reached the point where it's a true comradery (sp?). I set them up on dates; they hook with up with friends, etc. No drama--at least not yet.

This, however, is not the case with every guy friend I have--sad to say, but true.

And I'm working on getting it back to a pure platonic relationship. Wish me luck!

enigma_AKA

jubilance1922 · #3 05-23-2006, 08:20 PM

Men and women can't be friends. The sex part always gets in the way.

Yes, its from "When Harry Met Sally', but in 90% of all cases, its true.

Dionysus · #4 05-23-2006, 08:54 PM

I have more guy friends than girl friends. It's been that way for most of my life. Only two of them asked me for some a$$.

enigma_AKA · #5 05-23-2006, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dionysus
I have more guy friends than girl friends. It's been that way for most of my life. Only two of them asked me for some a$$.

Only two? What's wrong with you?

Just kidding, seriously. Why more male friends, though, if you don't mind me asking...?

enigma_AKA

Dionysus · #6 05-23-2006, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by enigma_AKA
Only two? What's wrong with you?

Just kidding, seriously. Why more male friends, though, if you don't mind me asking...?

enigma_AKA

I guess it's because, I'm almost always seen as "one of the guys".

Why more male friends? We just seem to bond better. I find it pretty difficult to get close to girls, and to keep close if we do so.

SKEEphistAKAte · #7 05-23-2006, 09:15 PM

My answer is No, men and women can't just be friends. At some point during the friendship one of the two will develop romantic/sexual feelings for the other (no matter how fleeting). I think many times the two CHOOSE not to ACT on them, but the feelings are there at some point during the friendship, even if for a short amount of time.

("You" speaking hypothetically) Also, you may not have had feelings for him, and he never told you he had those feelings for you (prolly because you were snoting all over his shoulder about how much you loved Mr. Wrong at the time) but I guarantee you he has had them (ONE of you had them)

PerfectVerse06 · #8 05-23-2006, 09:25 PM

No ma'am!!

I hate to say it, but I don't think men and women can just be friends.

A guy once told me that there is no such thing as male/female platonic relationships because the guy is just waiting for his chance to get some. Instead of taking the easy approach and just asking a woman out, he plays like he wants to just be pals and THEN, once a friendship is established, he will try make the relationship into something more.

I've experienced this far too many times to know this.

Oh wait, there is an istance where men and women can just be friends...it's when the man is gay!

Dionysus · #9 05-23-2006, 09:45 PM

I don't remember befriending any guys who I was repulsed by. I was either attracted to them, or I felt neutral, but never flat out unattracted.

I do agree that there's usually at least a little sexual tension between guy and girl friends, but I don't think we have to LIKE each other.

Rain Man · #10 05-23-2006, 09:48 PM

Yes, they can

IF AND ONLY IF the friendship is at arms length. Lemme explain:

If a man and a woman see each other only on occasion and are cautious not to show each other all their business (read: their most personal and intimate parts of their souls), then yes, they can stay friends. But once that line is crossed, a soul tie develops and either one party or the other is going to want more out of the relationship and that is where the trouble comes in. Because men naturally start to develop an "attraction" toward the woman or vice versa.

Two ways to prevent this from happening: one, don't let the other party know all your business. Know what to express to your friend and what to keep to yourself. Two, go out together with a group of mutual friends. That way, the focus is not on the two of you, and there is less pressure and incentive to "bare your souls".

And I speak from years of experience on this one, so trust me.

ETA: A lot of the women I was involved with who wanted to be "just friends" with me were a bunch of spiritual and emotional freeloaders who wanted the security and benefits of being in a relationship without the committment required to maintain one. I do not waste my time with those types. If a woman says, "Let's just be friends", I say, "HECK NAW" and get outta dodge.

They ain't about to cry on my shoulder and keep me awake until 3 and 4 in the morning telling me sob stories about how some thug kicked them to the curb after they got f[rea]ked and chucked by them. As they say, "Save the drama for your mama".

Keep your distance from the opposite sex unless and until the romantic feelings you have are mutual. It saves everyone a whole lotta mess.

enigma_AKA · #11 05-23-2006, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rain Man

And I speak from years of experience on this one, so trust me.

LOL. Too easy, coming from a man.

enigma_AKA

ImSoNUPEY · #12 05-23-2006, 11:11 PM

I thinK it jus depends on maturity level of the individuals. Some men kan handle it some kan't

Rain Man · #13 05-24-2006, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ImSoNUPEY
I thinK it jus depends on maturity level of the individuals. Some men kan handle it some kan't

I may be reading your post out of context, but it's not so much about maturity as it is about a yearning for affection. We as human beings have a natural desire for affection and for someone of the opposite sex to affirm our worth as a man or woman. To say that some men can handle it and some can't trivializes that very God-given desire. OTOH, if you can't "handle it", keep your opposite sex friends at arms length, and do not invest too much of your soul in your friendship.

Maybe it's just me, but I hate the term "just friends". Every time I see those two words together I read it as "emotional tampon".

But I'm just jaded like that.

Marie · #14 05-24-2006, 12:02 PM

I say yes, men and women can be friends.

I think that there are a couple of different types of relationships to consider. First look at men that you have become friends with through your current or ex-boyfriends. I dated one guy for nearly 6 years, and in that time his friends also became mine. I feel very close to some of them (like brothers), and though I'm no longer with that person, they are still in my life as friends. Note: The realtionship btwn my ex and I ended very peacefully, so there are no hard/akward feelings in the group. This may also work for the ex's of your female friends, but I tend not to get that close to any of the men in my friends' lives. Its a bit different b/c guys tend to not hang out w/their girl and her friends as much as women hang out with their guy and his friends.

Also, consider men that you meet that are already involved with someone. I am very good friends with some of my male co-workers. However, most of them are married or engaged, so there is no question on either side of where the boundaries in our relationship lie.

Furthermore, think of men who you simply are not attracted to. There are tons of situations (esp. at work) where there are men who just aren't what you're looking for, and you're not what they're looking for (differernt tastes, different race, different religion, different values, etc). It doesn't necessarily mean that there is no room for a friendship. For instance, one of my friends is a great guy. He's a lot of fun, has a good heart, and isn't that bad to look at. However, he's Indian and practices Hindu, and he's looking for a girl that is the same. While I'm not opposed to dating/marrying outside of my race, I do want a man who is a Christian, so... it's not gonna work. We're very cool, but it's just never going to go down, and we both know this.

Finally, I think that you can be attracted to someone & they be attracted to you, and you just opt to never act on that. Maybe its a friend of your older brother, or a cute guy who's just a little to young, or whatever. Just b/c you like them does not mean that you have no other choice but to act on that feeling, and just b/c you choose not to act on that feeling does not mean that they are automatically banished from your circle. My best friend has been attracted to one of her friends for years. I think maybe he liked her to start, but didn't get up the nerve to approach her. Now they both like each other, but individually don't want their existing friendship to change. He dates other girls, she dates other guys. They talk to one another about their relationships and other aspects of life just the same as if she and I were talking. They both know the situation, and are cool with it as it is.

SummerChild · #15 05-24-2006, 01:03 PM

Perfect, don't sleep on women. Pretending to be friends is also one of the ways that many *women* try to get with your man - by pretending that she is trying to be his friend/associate, etc. Many times, she's basically just trying to get close to him so she can become a *apparent* confidante and when you two have an argument, then she seems like she's just a sincere friend when she's like "maybe you two aren't meant for each other." All the while, waiting for her chance.

I have had more than one woman call herself "befriending" my man only to later admit that she was trying to get with him. He now can see these woman more clearly. First, he was taking them at face value. The first one, I suspected right away when she came in town and wanted to meet *me*. Trying to size up what in her twisted mind was the competition. LOL

We just got rid of another one who finally just turned into an all out stalker when she revealed her interest and he let her know it wasn't happening. This stalker has called me at work on occasion, etc. Finally, a police report had to be filed. SMH

So don't sleep on the women.

SC

Quote:

Originally posted by PerfectVerse06
No ma'am!!

I hate to say it, but I don't think men and women can just be friends.

A guy once told me that there is no such thing as male/female platonic relationships because the guy is just waiting for his chance to get some. Instead of taking the easy approach and just asking a woman out, he plays like he wants to just be pals and THEN, once a friendship is established, he will try make the relationship into something more.

I've experienced this far too many times to know this.

Oh wait, there is an istance where men and women can just be friends...it's when the man is gay!