Dating "separated" men...

AKA_Monet · #1 05-13-2001, 01:45 AM

I dunno 'bout anybody else, but I find it really very sorry when a man has children from a "previous" relationship and sez he wants a committed relationship with you. But then you find out he is only SEPARATED and sometimes recently SEPARATED from his "ex wife"...

How do you all--the elder ones--deal with that BS!!!

I say, call me when you have the signed divorce papers so that I can see them...

NYMinute · #2 05-13-2001, 01:55 AM

I may not be considered ELDER to you all, but I have more than my share of gray hair

There are a few simple tests that you can do to a man to tell if he is otherwise occupied:
A. Does he give you his home number? Not a voicemail, but a number where he actually picks up the phone?
B. Have you ever been to his house?
C. If the two of you are "very close" does he stay over or does he make excuses about why he has to leave?

If he is still married but separated...especially if he has young children, proceed with caution!
And ALWAYS trust your instincts.

AKA_Monet · #3 05-13-2001, 02:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by NYMinute:
I may not be considered ELDER to you all, but I have more than my share of gray hair
There are a few simple tests that you can do to a man to tell if he is otherwise occupied:
A. Does he give you his home number? Not a voicemail, but a number where he actually picks up the phone?
B. Have you ever been to his house?
C. If the two of you are "very close" does he stay over or does he make excuses about why he has to leave?

If he is still married but separated...especially if he has young children, proceed with caution!
And ALWAYS trust your instincts.

Naw, I think my question has to do with how a man can THINK he could step up to a "powerhouse" sista and expect to present some sorry a$$ chit like still be married--but sez he's gonna get a divorce...

Chi_ZETABBW · #4 05-13-2001, 08:55 AM

AKA_MONET: Sisterfriend may I ask your age??? I'm just curious, if you rather not say I respect that. I ask the age question because as you get older, you will run into more and more men who are "SEPARATED".
I'm 36, and maybe I'm the "elder" you were posing your question too.
Depending on the circumstances "separated" is fine with me. Not the type of "separation" where they still living with the wife for financial reasons. But actually have a legal separation(which so many blacks fail to get done). I met my second(present) husband and he was "separated". His own apartment, phone, car, etc that showed he had no ties to his wife with those things. We dated 2 years before he actually got his divorce.
As for small children, good luck getting around that issue too. This society has people making babies with every new relationship. I was "BLESSED" yet again that my husband had no children.
Soory this is so long.

AKA2D '91 · #5 05-13-2001, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Chi_ZETABBW:
AKA_MONET: This society has people making babies with every new relationship.

MAKING? NOT!

LOL

NYMinute · #6 05-13-2001, 09:58 AM

AKA Monet,

I may have NOT found the shortest distance between two points with my previous post, but the gist is still the same. Also, let me add, even if the little so and so IS divorced, there is still a good chance of his ex-wife being a drama queen.
From observing your posts on this forum I would agree that you are a powerhouse, and sometimes that all in itself is enough to make men wanna test the gunpowder, so to speak. Been there, done that. I still say trust your instincts even if he is divorced.

To the lovely Zeta---
Yep, there are more than enough baby machines out there. I have run across too many women with 4 children by 5 different babies daddies! [sic]

Imperial11 · #7 05-13-2001, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by NYMinute:
AKA Monet,

To the lovely Zeta---
Yep, there are more than enough baby machines out there. I have run across too many women with 4 children by 5 different babies daddies! [sic]

Dag, NYMinute

4 children w/ 5 baby daddies??? WTF
The sista that you just described needs to get herself together!! ROTFLMAO

------------------
"22 Resurrected Jewels of DiSTinction"
Gamma Pi '01
Columbia College
4/12/01

soror6 · #8 05-13-2001, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA_Monet:

How do you all--the elder ones--deal with that BS!!!

I say, call me when you have the signed divorce papers so that I can see them...

Hey, SF! Yeah, that is a great start! Anything that a man will do to his wife (or anyone for that matter) is typically a pattern, and he will do it to you. If you don't want your soon-2-be ex dating someone else before the ink is dry, then don't do it to him. One thing we, as women, have a tendency to do is think we are the exception to the rule. Even if you are, think you are not. It is safer. I have seen so many women think that the person who they are involved with who is in a situation like the one you mentioned are in an extraordinary situation, and if it was another woman, the guy would not go there. OK Then!

If he wants you, he will totally understand and respect your decision to wait for the papers!

BTW, I read this in Acts of Faith (I. Vanzant) years ago, and I always remembered it....

There are 3 keys to successful relationships...Never make anyone else responsible for your happiness, trust what your inner self feels, sees and says, and pay close attention to the warning signs! Good Luck!

soror6!
Oh, Imperial11, Congrats, Neo!

AKA_Monet · #9 05-15-2001, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Chi_ZETABBW:
AKA_MONET: Sisterfriend may I ask your age??? I'm just curious, if you rather not say I respect that. I ask the age question because as you get older, you will run into more and more men who are "SEPARATED".
I'm 36, and maybe I'm the "elder" you were posing your question too.
Depending on the circumstances "separated" is fine with me. Not the type of "separation" where they still living with the wife for financial reasons. But actually have a legal separation(which so many blacks fail to get done). I met my second(present) husband and he was "separated". His own apartment, phone, car, etc that showed he had no ties to his wife with those things. We dated 2 years before he actually got his divorce.
As for small children, good luck getting around that issue too. This society has people making babies with every new relationship. I was "BLESSED" yet again that my husband had no children.
Soory this is so long.

First off: I'm 30 something...

I do not have major issues with a bruh that has children and is divorced. That legal separation thing... I'll havta disagree with you on that one. But hey, we do what we gotta do...

I understand as we get older, more and more bruhs are gonna be in that situation. Especially if we, the professional sistas, are unmarried without children...

My question is, after all the hard work, after all the degrees, after all the promotions, trials and tribulations, is it FAIR to those of us that feel we deserve better than what we are encountering? Just asking...

nikki25 · #10 05-16-2001, 12:38 AM

Sounds as if this would be classified as an "adulterous relationship." As a single, Christian woman...I would proceed as the word says..."let no man put asunder." Since they are still technically and under God still married, I would refrain from any form of a relationship with the seperatee. Your actions may cause a further divide which would be detrimental. My blessing isn't tied to a married man...that isn't God's method.

------------------
I will bless the Lord at ALL times His praise shall continually be in my mouth. (Psalms 34:1, KJV)

CJUS · #11 05-29-2001, 11:36 AM

Dating "separated" men in my book is a definite NO-NO. This man is still married and commited to his wife. I don't care how many times he has told you that "he is getting a divorce", or " it would destroy his children if he leaves right at this time" Men are full of bulls#@%^. They think that women are so weak minded that they will fall for anything. And keep in mind they do fall for it becasue they don't care.
Don't get me wrong some men out here may be telling the truth. But until he get a divorce, not the divorce papers that the two paarties have to sign. but the final divorce papers that come in the mail after they have went to court. Then I'll say go for it after you have done some research on this brother.

i am going to close out with this, if a brother is married or in a relationship with another female, and he is trying to score with you. What make you so better that he would not do the same thing to you. Don't be second best, the other women, or a homewrecker. You will be the only one who get hurt in the process. If his wife or girlfriend find out about you, who do you think he is going to be with......NOT YOU!!! So don't get caught up!!!

RAYZON · #12 05-29-2001, 01:16 PM

I dated a man who claimed to be looking for a committed relationship. I found out later that he was legally separated, and he claimed that was supposedly two years prior to us meeting but then he wanted to get a divorce. Then the fool had my fool behind faxing info to his lawyer(funny the things we do in the name of love), mailing out letters on his behalf because he claimed he did not have the time to write them. Then I woke up and found myself stressed out and caught in the middle of all of their trauma and getting absolutely nothing out of it but a headache. So to ease my own sanity, I just got out of the situation completely. Dumped him and moved on. Sometimes we hate to do the things we do, but in the end they all work out for the best.

AKA_Monet · #13 06-03-2001, 12:58 AM

You know, the thing is... When the going gets tough--the tough get going! So, when you've had that "stamp" on your forehead, entitled--"Please 'F' me over" and endured that chit then to get BEYOND that chit--I think, SOME sistahs would get thick skinned... So, some of us start to "play the game"--hardcore. Jack a bruh fo 'is $$$. But one can get "hit really fast" playing that kinda game...

But, I know "powerhouse" sistahs, that have the house, the CLKs/SLK/5's (whatever) AND go on the Carribean Cruises and the trip to Europe--maybe even Africa--ALONE

--and really don't want to be married to a bruh 'cuz he'll slow her down. So, she messes with a married/separated man because of his "inopportune" unavailability--Like, he gotta go do some paperwork with the "wife/ex-wife" about the kids kinda thang...

Although, I refuse to "emotionally" handle that kind of situation and I will try hard not to be in one like that, my question to y'all is: Why are all the brothas running up under me "married/separated" with kids!!! And I'm talking 'bout bruhs buying me drinks, getting me flowers on "special days" and taking me to dinner--Like we're dating (yeah right)--THE STUFF AN DATING UNATTACHED, SINGLE BRUH SHOULD BE DOING FOR ME!!! DAYUM!!!

Can't I just get that!!!! What so wrong 'bout wanting that kinda bruh??? Dayum!

I mean, like, my "recruitment"

stratagy is one TO attract the unattached bruh... But it seems like most of 'dem, want some... TONITE!!! And I ain't givin' it up to any-ol'-body... So their like "next"-- The "you ain't freakin', we ain't speakin' routine--Oh, yeah, after being stamped on the forehead for so long, you start to learn the "plays" and call a "bruh" on his game--Men, so predictable...

I gotta "collection" plate goin' 'round... Hmmmm...

AKA2D '91 · #14 06-03-2001, 10:48 AM

After THAT, all I can say is WELCOME BACK, SOROR!

The Original Ape · #15 06-03-2001, 07:49 PM

Monet and Others;

Just look for the truth. Sometimes YOU are the only person that think the truth is hidden. Simply ask him the questions you need to, then proceed with NY Minute's test.

If he gives you the truth upfront, either deal with him and that truth, or move on.

[This message has been edited by The Original Ape (edited June 03, 2001).]