Modern Day Wedding Bells/ Etiquette (Engagement Parties)

bellebeaua · #1 03-05-2002, 01:53 PM

Well, I would like to inform you all that I have recently been proposed to 'informally' by my long term friend turned boyfriend. I've described the proposal as informal due to him wanting to propose the traditional way, you know asking my father and having family members as witnessess and so forth. Anyhow, I wanted to know the following:
1. What's your take on young people (21 - 26) getting married
2. Are the formalities necessary (asking bride's fathers for permission, news paper article, announcements etc.)
3. Diamond engagement rings

In my opinion 1. being that I am a tender 24, I think it's okay for young people like myself to get married. It depends on one's level of maturity and experience as a bottom line though. 2. I don't need the formalities, especially because I have been living on my own since 19 years of age. 3. Diamonds aren't necessary either. I LOVE pearls set in diamonds, and that is what my engagement ring is; I'd have it no other way!

lil_sunshine · #2 03-05-2002, 02:05 PM

It's your life and engagement, so if you feel that you're doing the right thing, don't sweat the small stuff!

1. I feel that every person matures at different times, and I don't have a problem with people btwn the ages of 21-until getting married, as long as they feel they can handle the responsibility of what it entails. They must also realize that marriage is a major step in a relationship.

2. Formalities aren't always necessary, but some bridal consultants may consider it proper etiquette to do any or all of the things you mentioned.

3. I like diamond engagement rings, but if he isn't able to afford it, I'd prefer for him to get a ring that comes from the heart. I think a lot of people lose sight of what to look for in a marriage b/c they spend soooo much of their time planning their wedding instead of planning how they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Now do you see why sooooo many celebrity marriages end in divorce? Big diamonds and weddings aren't always the move, people!!!!!

AKA2D '91 · #3 03-05-2002, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bellebeaua
In my opinion 1. being that I am a tender 24, I think it's okay for young people like myself to get married. It depends on one's level of maturity and experience as a bottom line though. 2. I don't need the formalities, especially because I have been living on my own since 19 years of age. 3. Diamonds aren't necessary either. I LOVE pearls set in diamonds, and that is what my engagement ring is; I'd have it no other way!

Age should not become an issue. My sister married at 21, her husband was 23. That was nearly 13 years ago. After 3 kids, numerous cars, apartments and 2 homes later, they are still together.

I think them being away from both sides of the family helps alot.

skeeliteful · #4 03-05-2002, 06:13 PM

I'm no where close to getting married (I'm 23)...I'm not even in a relationship. But this is just my opinion...

1. The people that I know that have gotten married young were very mature, settled, very grounded, and had been in the relationship for more than 2 years. I have to agree with you that it all depends on what level the individuals are as well as the relationship.

2. Personally, I'm not into formalities, but.... my family is and I understand. I think it's just a respect thing. If your family likes him, then I don't see a problem.

3. As long as it's from the heart, it doesn't matter how big or small.

CkretCrush8 · #5 03-06-2002, 12:30 AM

I do not believe that there is a problem for young people to get married, as long as they are rooted and grounded in the Word of God, complete w/ Jesus Christ, financially stable, independent, emotionally stable, and ready to carry on the responsibility that marriage entails. Marriage is a ministry and requires work on both halfs. It involves communication on another level, that is more complex than a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship. If they feel they can handle this then more power to them.

Yes I do believe that the formalities are necessary depending upon your the relationship you have with your parents, etc. I want to receive my parents blessing on my upcoming union. We haven't had the best of relationship while I was growing up, but I want them to know that I took the time out to ask for their blessing.

I have my eyes set out on the type of ring that I want, but I'm definitely not limited. My future husband will know what I like and I'm not worried.

snuggles12 · #6 03-06-2002, 10:37 AM

1. What's your take on young people (21 - 26) getting married

IMHO, if the couple are matured, financially ready and have discussed their values and expectations of marriage, then go for it. Personally, I wasn't ready in my early 20's to get marry but that's me and each person is different.

2. Are the formalities necessary (asking bride's fathers for permission, news paper article, announcements etc.)

I think asking the bride's permission is a thoughtful gesture from the groom. It's not necessary but I would think any father would be honored if a groom did it. Announcements in newspapers is up to you. I didn't do it because I'm not into formalities.

3. Diamond engagement rings - Hey, it's up to you and what he can afford. I would get something that you like and that won't put him in debt forever. And always remember you can get an upgrade or a new ring on an anniversary.

"I think a lot of people lose sight of what to look for in a marriage b/c they spend soooo much of their time planning their wedding instead of planning how they want to spend the rest of their lives together".

I hate to hear that a couple divorce less than 1 year after a big lavish wedding. It's like they put more thought into planning the wedding than discussing the real issues.

I enjoy going to a wedding but I don't want to plan one.

thesweetestone · #7 03-16-2002, 07:21 PM

1. I think it's diferent for everyone. Me personally, I 'm ready. Somepeople are naturally settle minded. If, that's the case getting married before 25 maybe ok for them. But, if you know you are a wild person you probably don't need to gett married that young.

2. I think it would be nice if my future mate would ask my parents for their my hand in marriage. I think it show alot of respect on the guy's part. Also, I think it 's a good way for him to ensure a good relationship with with my parents.

3. I want an engagement ring that's half the fun. yes, size does matter.

SkeeWee14 · #8 03-17-2002, 03:24 AM

First let me congratulate you on your engagement. I'm recently engaged myself and I'm very excited and I imagine that you are too.

1. I feel it depends so much on the maturity of the individuals involved as well as life experience. By that I mean has he and she gotten all of the dating and so on out of their system that they wanted to and can take their vows seriously? Have they accomplished the goals that they wanted to accomplish PRIOR to getting married? Marriage definately can change priorities in some cases and accomplishing "individual" goals can be a little harder when married.

2. As for asking the father's permission...I guess that's nice if you want to be old fashioned/traditional, but if you really want to get married you are going to do it regardless of what daddy have to say. I know that I would, because at age 27 I am clearly grown and have been for a long while

. It really is a nice gesture and a sign of respect towards you and your family, but in my personal opinion I don't feel it's extremely neccessary. Formal announcements and all of that is up to you. My only requirement is that it's at least white gold and not yellow gold.

3. Diamond engagement rings...they are nice, but that's up to you and his bank account

. I still haven't received my official engagement ring yet (my proposal was crazy), but I'm not concerned with having a diamond either. My fiance is fortunate enough not to be concerned about the cost, but I personally want something simple and with an antique feel to it. The diamond (for me) isn't neccessary. I can have the biggest rock in the world, get jacked, and there goes my diamond...but I will still have my love for him which isn't tied up into a ring...big or small.

Good luck to you and enjoy planning your wedding.

Honeykiss1974 · #9 03-19-2002, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bellebeaua
etc.)

3. Diamonds aren't necessary either. I LOVE pearls set in diamonds, and that is what my engagement ring is; I'd have it no other way!

A friend of mine recently got engaged. Her ring is a diamond solitaire set in platinum, with princess-cut saphires trimming the band of each side. I never thought I would like anything else other than diamonds until I saw her beautiful ring.

AKA2D '91 · #10 04-26-2004, 03:05 PM

This is the scenario:

Your cousin is getting married. The parents of the bride and groom are throwing an Engagement Party. The invitation list is completed and addresses of family and friends are confirmed. The invitations are sent. This happens:

The bride's and groom's family members are invited. You are a family member of the groom. You have 3 siblings, 2 are married and live out of town from your parents. You do not live with your parent, either. Your siblings receive an invite to their OWN addresses. Your parents receive their invitation (remember THEIR invite, and family is not listed on the invite), however, you do not. Even though your address was requested from your mother by the bride, herself.

Cut to the Party:
Your family meets the bride's parent's etc. The mother asks your parents where you are. She has never met you, but she "knows" you exist.

Your parents say you were not invited. The bride's mother apologizes and says that YOUR invitation (according to ettiquete) was the same invite your parent's received.

If that is the case, why did the out of town siblings receive invites? YOU do not live with your parents, you have your OWN address.

According to today's etiquette (those of you planning weddings or recently completed the process), is proper?

When I was presented the dilemma, I saw it as the person was overlooked or just not invited.

This isn't one of my strong areas.

If you receive your OWN invitation to the wedding, would you attend the wedding?

Given the above scenario, how would you interpret this?

FYI Anyone can give their interpretation, but I'm interested in knowing what does current etiquette dictate (for those planning or have recently planned a wedding).

Eclipse · #11 04-26-2004, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
The bride's mother apologizes and says that YOUR invitation (according to ettiquete) was the same invite your parent's received. If that is the case, why did the out of town siblings receive invites? YOU do not live with your parents, you have your OWN address.

According to today's etiquette (those of you planning weddings or recently completed the process), is proper?

When I was presented the dilemma, I saw it as the person was overlooked or just not invited. This isn't one of my strong areas.

If you receive your OWN invitation to the wedding, would you attend the wedding?

Given the above scenario, how would you interpret this?

FYI Anyone can give their interpretation, but I'm interested in knowing what does current etiquette dictate (for those planning or have recently planned a wedding).

If I remember my etiquette from my wedding 8 years ago, children beyond a certain age still living in their parents house (can't remember the age, but it might be 18

) should receive their own invitation. Adults living on their own, married or not, should certainly receive their own invitation. If children under the age where they get their own invitation are invited to the wedding their names should be listed on the inner evelope of the invitation (i.e. Mr & Mrs Smith (next line) Miss Jane Smith; Master Joseph Smith) If the name are not on the invitation they are NOT INVITED. I don't care how old you are.

I know you did not ask this, but....2 single adults living as roommates should also receive their own invitations to events such as this. And, if a single person is invited to bring a date it is proper form to get the name of the person first and address the invitation to both of them (none of this "and Guest" stuff).
If I were in this situation I would assume I was not invited to the engagement party, unless it was one of my tackier relatives and the I would assume they didn't know any better and go anyway!

If I got the explaination given here I would go to the wedding with no hard feelings. Again, everyone doesn't read Miss Manners for fun.

stardusttwin · #12 04-27-2004, 12:43 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
This is the scenario:

According to today's etiquette (those of you planning weddings or recently completed the process), is proper?

When I was presented the dilemma, I saw it as the person was overlooked or just not invited. This isn't one of my strong areas.

If you receive your OWN invitation to the wedding, would you attend the wedding?

Given the above scenario, how would you interpret this?

FYI Anyone can give their interpretation, but I'm interested in knowing what does current etiquette dictate (for those planning or have recently planned a wedding).

This was a misread of ettiquette on the mother of the grooms part. There was a time when unwed women would be invited under their parents invitation-however as you are living on your own it was improper of her not to send you an invite.

Me thinks they may have run short on invites and were trying to cut corners to stretch out to as many people as possible. When you think about it this was 4 invites for one family. Although improper if this is what she wanted to do she should have placed your name on your parents invite so they would know they had the option to rsvp for 3 (mr & mrs jones, sibling # 3).

My question is why didn't any one ask before the event? It would have easily been resolved then (this isn't the same as calling and asking if your new boyfriend that no one has even heard of can come or insisting that your 2 year old be included in a formal black tie affair)- in this case if everyone in the family was invited it would seem odd that one sibling would be left out & a quick phone call would have resolved everything.

That said, it appears it was not an intentional oversight so yes I would go the wedding and chalk it up as an honest mistake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As for the original poster:

1) I too know people who married in early 20's and are still acting like honeymooners - its all about the individuals and not age.

2) While marriage is between a man and women it does incorporate a "bonding" of the families - if your fiance wants to make it "official" by asking your dad or making your family a part of the proposal let him. It doesn't hurt a thing and will go a LONNNNG way with them. No matter how long you've been on your own or what your relationship is with your dad on some level you are still his little girl and this will go a long way to help him start the process of letting you go (unless you are dealing with a dysfunctional situation that entails maintaining your distance).

3) Your ring is your business-just be prepared for the haters who will comment on your ring not being a diamond -take deep breaths and don't slap them - you have to keep your nails nice for your wedding day pictures

AKA2D '91 · #13 04-27-2004, 08:14 AM

I'm not in this. LOL My co-worker was huffy and puffy about this. She claims she's not going to the wedding. It's not until Feb. 2005.

I came on here to post the scenario, cause I'm not familiar with the whole wedding/engagement party etiquette.

I dunno why it wasn't asked. I know I would NOT ask, because I'd figure folks know who they want and don't want at their events.

stardusttwin · #14 04-27-2004, 01:49 PM

Depending on who the invite was sent from I'd rather ask than to assume intentions and have another family feud erupt. Unfortunately most people are not up on all the etiquette do's and don'ts - (they just think they are) and I could see plenty of people doing this (sending invite to parents and assuming the unmarried daughter would go on that invite) - that's their cheap way of not sending a separate invite & now extending your friend the option of bringing a guest.

Now if her married siblings were not invited I would assume they were cutting the list at aunts/uncles- with no cousins included and not stress about it. The fact that her siblings were invited with spouses is the reason why I suggested a call could have been made. Suppose her invite had gotten lost in the mail or damaged? The only way the invitee would know is if you called and asked about it (even in a round about way). She would be upset for no reason and her cousin would also be mad at her also because she never rsvp'd. Both people mad for no reason.

{Let me clarify-if you are related to XY celebrity 3 times removed by marriage and you never seen this person before-don't call looking for an invite (LOL), but if this is your first cousin & there isn't another reason for the exclusion just ask-all they can say is no}

I'm only suggesting this because I've met family members at funerals for the first time because of blow outs surrounding weddings years before I was even born (so they stopped talking/coming around)-its so not worth it.

NOWorNEVER · #15 04-28-2004, 10:58 AM

I would interpret the scenario as most have already posted. If I'm a grown woman and I didn't recieve an invite, then I wouldn't have attended either. But you know how "we" do. I'm 22 and live on my own and my brother has joined the Air Force. Yet family reunion information letters and wedding invitations always go to my parents house to invite all four of us even though only 2 live at the house.

Another wedding question: This may be stupid, but what is the deal with 2 wedding rings. I usually see older women with them. One is usually plain, the other with a diamond...I guess like a set. Is this traditional? Is it necessary? Does it symbolize something?