Moving In Together?

RhoSigma2003 · #1 02-02-2004, 06:00 PM

I have been searching and asking freinds to see what their opinion is about them and their significant other moving in together. But where else could I go to get a honest opinion and wonderful advice from my fellow greekchatters!

Questions:
Did or will you move in with your boyfriend/girlfriend before you were married/engaged?

If so, was moving in together positive or negative?

I would love to hear you guys stories!!

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #2 02-02-2004, 07:18 PM

I almost moved in with my Kappa Sigma boyfriend last year. He was great, but I'm glad we didn't -- living in that close of contact would've had us KILLING each other 3 months into the lease!

Are you considering it, RhoSigma?

AGDee · #3 02-02-2004, 07:52 PM

If I had lived with either of my husbands before marriage, I don't think I'd have married either of them. Then again, if I hadn't married my second husband, I wouldn't have my two wonderful children.

I think a lot depends on where the relationship is going and what you hope to gain by living together. There are pros and cons and those need to be evaluated by the individuals making the decision.

Sorry, that wasn't a concrete answer.. it's not a subject that gets an easy "yes" or "no"

Dee

aephi alum · #4 02-02-2004, 08:02 PM

I moved in with my fiance a few months after we got engaged. It was a good thing for both of us - we got to learn each other's quirks and habits before we tied the knot, plus one rent is cheaper than two

The only down side was that our moving in together was very much against my ultra-conservative parents' wishes.

AchtungBaby80 · #5 02-02-2004, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
The only down side was that our moving in together was very much against my ultra-conservative parents' wishes.

Yeah, see, that's why I'm not sure I could ever do it--my parents would cut me off completely!

I've read studies that say living with a partner ruins your chances at a successful marriage later on...but then I've heard some people say that's hooey. Who do you all think is right?

AlphaPhiBubbles · #6 02-02-2004, 08:19 PM

I don't see how you can truly know someone and how compatible you will be living together if you don't do a "trial run" first. I lived with my exboyfriend for a year and I would have married him, except for some things that happened to us...but it wasn't related to us living together. In fact I think that was the best roomate/living situation I have had to date!

Wine&SilverBlue · #7 02-02-2004, 09:10 PM

what constitutes "living together" ? do you mean really sharing a house and living together 24/7, or does sleeping over the other's place often count too? i'm still in college and my bf sleeps over my dorm a few times/week and when we lived on the same floor last yr, he was over all the time... i know his quirks and habits, but we also had our own rooms and our own space... just a thought

AXORissa · #8 02-02-2004, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AchtungBaby80

I've read studies that say living with a partner ruins your chances at a successful marriage later on...but then I've heard some people say that's hooey. Who do you all think is right?

my parents lived together for a couple of months before they were married, and they've been married for 25 years... so who knows?

at least I know they cant say anything if/when I move in with someone....

bluz4 · #9 02-02-2004, 10:54 PM

well last year i cohabbed with my boyfriend of two years because we wanted to see whether we were ready to take that next step: engagement and then marriage.

we lasted 10 months and then i moved out and back home with my family. i can't say that cohabbing was to blame, we had other issues that we should have dealt with before we even moved in together. i guess we thought that moving in together would solve all the other serious problems. needless to say, we're not together anymore. but would i move in with another man whom i thought i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, yes. i would just think hard and honestly before i did it again.

not to scare anyone away from cohabbing, i have to say that my friend from work moved in with her boyfriend of five years and though they have spats, they just got engaged over the christmas holiday. so cohabbing can work. good luck!

Munchkin03 · #10 02-02-2004, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Wine&SilverBlue
what constitutes "living together" ? do you mean really sharing a house and living together 24/7, or does sleeping over the other's place often count too? i'm still in college and my bf sleeps over my dorm a few times/week and when we lived on the same floor last yr, he was over all the time... i know his quirks and habits, but we also had our own rooms and our own space... just a thought

I would say undergrad shacking IS NOT living together. If you have a fight, if finals come around and things get too stressful, you can retreat back into your corners. If things get rough, you can still (literally) run home. You aren't sharing resources (going Dutch at dinner doesn't count) or relying on each other for any real aspect of life. I would say living together 24/7, with real rent (not the dorms!) being paid and real responsibilities being shared (doing laundry in the dorm basement doesn't count either). After really living with someone and doing the dorm shack, I'd say that the dorm shack doesn't count. It's fun. It's like...playing house.

That said...

Yes. I have lived with Mr. Munch. Neither of us was in school, and we were both working. The only reason we're not living together now is because I'm in graduate school and I only qualified for singles' housing. He's moving here in the summer, so I'm looking for one bedrooms now.

Yes, it worked out very well. It wasn't always easy, but it made us stronger and happier as a unit.

ADPiAkron · #11 02-02-2004, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RhoSigma2003
I have been searching and asking freinds to see what their opinion is about them and their significant other moving in together. But where else could I go to get a honest opinion and wonderful advice from my fellow greekchatters!

Questions:
Did or will you move in with your boyfriend/girlfriend before you were married/engaged?

If so, was moving in together positive or negative?

I would love to hear you guys stories!!

I am currently living with my boyfriend. We are not engaged. Moving in together has been a positive experience, yet negative at the same time. Living together is rough, so many things to adjust to, but in the long run it has been awesome! We love each other and understand each other more than ever now. I know that if we waited to move in together until after we were married- we would have killed each other!! I highly suggest living together before marriage. I am a Catholic and I know this is not part of my religious beliefs, but I have to look past those for my well being. I am open to questioning....

RhoSigma2003 · #12 02-03-2004, 11:58 AM

I thank everyone for just great responses! Keep them coming! There are many sides to this "topic" and some of the responses have made me think of things that I hadn't thought of!

Okay, Im graduating in december and I am planning on buying a townhouse in january, in MY NAME ONLY(on the mortage)!! I am making sure that I can afford everything on my own, so god forbid something happends to us, money won't be an issue. I am an only child and have lived at home the whole time while in college. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 7 months. We would both like to live together, for me one of the reasons is I don't think I could live alone. I am a very social person and I don't like being by myself, at all.. and plus he is my very best friend. I can confide in him about anything, he is just a wonderful man(and areally great cook!). Its like we bascially live together now, Im over there when I get off work or from class, we have dinner together, relax with each other, and then I don't leave until about midnight and we do just about everything together. I have never found a person that I am so compatable with, my best female friends. He is also 5 years older than I am and has never lived with a girlfriend before.
I know that we have sometime before all this takes place, but I wanted to see what everyone else thought or how it affect your relationship.

Oh yeah, by the way, I don't think this is going to sit very well with my hard core catholic family!

Greek Love,
Nicole

ISUKappa · #13 02-03-2004, 12:33 PM

Mr. ISUKappa and I did not officially cohabitate before we were married. We always maintained separate addresses. Granted, I think I slept at my place maybe 5 times, tops, during the 2 years before we were married that we lived in the same city, but I always had that option to go to my place if I wanted to. We ate supper together almost every night, we spent all of our weekends and evenings together, but, to keep both sets of Conservative Lutheran parents happy, we never technically lived together. They weren't stupid and they knew pretty much what was going on, but it made them feel better, and made us feel better knowing that it made them feel better, that we never really lived together.

That worked out for us. I don't condemn people who cohabitate before marriage and I don't know if I believe that living together prior to marriage ruins your chances of a successful marriage, but I think both people need to be aware of what living together really constitutes before moving in with each other. Living together is difficult and can sometimes lead to one partner resenting the other--especially if they aren't married--because s/he does the majority of the housework, brings in more money, pays the bills, etc... Heck, I get frustrated with my husband sometimes because I feel like I'm the one who cleans the house, takes care of the dog, pays the bills, does the laundry, puts everything away and all he does is work, work, and play PS2. It is my belief that married couples often have that "ours" state of mind that comes with making that commitment whereas couples cohabitating may still have that "yours" and "mine" state of mind. Now I'm not saying that non-married, cohabitating couples can't have that "ours" mindset and that there aren't marriages where the partners have the "yours" and "mine" mindset and everything works out just fine. Before moving in with your partner, I would go through a little counseling first--either by yourselves or with someone--to settle on how finances are going to be worked out, how household chores will be divided, what is and isn't acceptable behavior (like having friends over unannounced, leaving dirty clothes all over the floor, etc...) and what would happen if you were to separate.

ztabchbum · #14 02-03-2004, 01:03 PM

My boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years now. It has had it's ups and downs but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love coming home after a long day of work and he's there. We do EVERYTHING together so the need for time apart is there, but we'd rather just be together. Everyone is different. My parents HATE the fact that we live together (it doesn't help that they don't really like him either). You just do what you feel is best for YOU. Don't worry about anything or anyone else. And just remember, you can ALWAYS break a lease - it might cost you some extra money, but it can be done. Good luck with whatever you decide.

#15 02-03-2004, 01:12 PM

I've been living with my fiance for about a year and a half now. I moved in with him after we'd been dating for 4 months. We got engaged on our 1 year anniversary (so, had been living together 8 months)

Like everything else, it really depends on the individuals and the relationship. I came close to moving in with other boyfriends during college and I'm glad I didn't, as I know it wouldn't have worked out.

Before Mr. Ginger and I moved in together (well, I moved in with him, he owns our house) we had to have a lot of serious talks, including.... what's going to happen if we break up. It wasn't fun to think about, but I'm glad we hashed it out, because if (God Forbid) something does happen, we each know where we stand. We also talked about things like... are we "just" going to be living together (kind of like roommates dating) or are we "Living Together" as in the Next Serious Step sort of thing. Talked about finances, living habits, what we considered acceptable and unacceptable, etc. I think these are extremely important conversations to have. They aren't always fun, because you just want to be nice and easy-going because you love the other, but when it's 6 months later and you're arguing about who's going to do the dishes and who will shovel, you'll wish you had!

As far as whether living together leads to not getting married, or less successful marriages... again, it depends soely on the couple. For us, it made us realize even more that we did want to be married. But I can easily see how it could swing the other way.