wedding question?

rainbowbrightCS · #1 02-17-2004, 10:34 AM

OK I did not want to do a hijack; so here is a new wedding thread.

I have two really good friends that are both getting married. Neither of them has had a clue when they were getting married; up till now. One of the girls just set the date for May (small wedding) and wants me to be a bridesmaid. It is in PHX, AZ but I just found this out yesterday. I have to pay for my dress and airfare. The issue is that is Memorial Day weekend which makes is expensive and I have finals the following week. I told her that I most likely can not come. She wanted to know why, I told her 1) I am poor, 2) You gave me short notice 3) I am still in school.

She is mad at me now.

Now my second friend just set the date too. Her wedding is June of next summer. Friend #2 also wants me to be a bridesmaid, but her wedding is in Oregon (never been there). The thing is she is willing to pay for my plane ticket, and the dress that she is thinking of having me wear is like $100 (which I can afford)

Now friend # 1 is furious that I told friend #2 that I will be there. Every one including the grandmother explainned why I can go to wedding # 2 and may not make # 1.

What should I do to have her understand, she now hates me and the other girl (who was also going to be a bridemaid)

Chris

angelic1 · #2 02-17-2004, 11:35 AM

Im not sure what else you can do other than what you have done of explaining to her your reasons. Maybe after sometime she will realize that she is being silly about it. A part of being a bridesmaid is being there for the bride.. if you cant do it, you cant.. its better to find out now..

I had a similar problem.. I was asked to be in a wedding this June last year which is going to be quite expensive.. a little less than two months ago another friend asked me to be in her wedding this July.. despite wishing I could make it work I had to tell her no bc I was already in this other wedding and I couldnt afford both.. even though she is one of my best friends.. im sad that i couldnt and she is too.. but she understands i dont have the money right now since i just graduated..

Tippiechick · #3 02-17-2004, 12:25 PM

Well, it's a tough situation. BUT, I would have either tried to do both or neither, since it seems like the two ladies know each other. At least then you would not have had to explain why you chose one friend over another.

If it were me, and I HAD to do one of the weddings, my gut reaction would be to do the wedding with the closer of the friends and simply attend the other wedding as a guest. Then, you could have explained that the cost of the attire prevented you from being an attendant. You could have said that you wanted to make sure and be there on this most important day for your friend even if you couldn't afford to be an attendant.

I guess it just depends on how close you are to these girls...

TigerLilly · #4 02-17-2004, 05:53 PM

Tippiechick, I don't agree with what you said about how she should do both or neither. She's already agreed to do the one in Oregon, so she should keep to her promise.

As for the wedding in Arizona, is there any way you could afford to go, if you were just a guest and didn't have to buy the bridesmaid dress? That would be the best solution, to show your friend that she is still important to you.

Keep explaining to friend #1 that it's a matter of money, not a matter of you liking friend #2 over friend #1, even if that's the case. If she stays mad at you and refuses to see how it is, then above all don't feel bad yourself! You can't do anything about it past what you've tried to do already!

Tippiechick · #5 02-17-2004, 06:08 PM

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear... I, myself, would have the gut reaction to have picked both or neither... I think that would have been the more appropriate response...

( Note the past tense in the post showing that RainbowBrite's actions were in the past and cannot be changed.)

I am NOT advocating that she drop the one she's committed to. That would be even worse!

But, I do think that the fallout could potentially cost her a friend. Again, depending on how close they were.

Edited b/c I misspelled a word and I am quite picky in that department.

KillarneyRose · #6 02-17-2004, 10:30 PM

I can't stand Bridezillas, and that is what girlfriend number one sounds like she's well on the road to becoming. Even brides have to realize that money and time have to be taken into consideration when asking someone to be in/attend the wedding. Beyond the bride's field of vision, the rest of the world is going on and sometimes people can't make impossible changes in their lives to accommodate her. She needs to face that.

PS Sorry if this is harsh, but out-of-control bridezillas really get on my last nerve

AchtungBaby80 · #7 02-17-2004, 11:10 PM

I'm with KillarneyRose on this one...if Friend 1 gets angry at you because you can't attend her wedding for financial/scheduling reasons (both of which are about as valid as you can get), she needs to get a grip. I'm sure it's really exciting being a bride, but other peoples' lives don't stop just because you're planning a wedding. Now, I can see her feeling slighted because you said yes to Friend 2, but just point out to her that you can't back out of it now (that would be worse), and that the reason you said yes to the second one is not because you're playing favorites; it's just simply that Friend 2's wedding is more do-able for you.