Question of the Day..

Monique · #1 01-25-2004, 06:42 PM

Hi Everyone, I have a question that we discussed in 1 of my classes.

*If u love me,then why would u cheat on me?*

Is it possible to say that u love somebody with all u'r mind and soul, but u are cheatin on them. what are u'r Honest thoughts.

tld221 · #2 01-25-2004, 06:58 PM

*was talking about something similar with a friend last night.
(this opinion comes to you from someone who has never had a serious relationship, let alone been cheated on and had the love thing involved. this is based on logic and hearsay)

okay, if ur mate loves you, he wouldnt cheat on you. thats the first thing that comes to mind.

but cheating is cheating, and to me that means on a primarily sexual basis. if ur mates is cheating ("having sex with another person") that has nothing to do with love. thats ur mate looking for sex. and for some, love doesnt equal sex. how many times do u hear, "i love my wife/husband, but this person does x" i mean, they love their mate/spouse, but the other person fulfills what the first person is not providing.

but if ur mate is having an affair (which to me is like cheating squared), which has more to do with love than sex, then they probably dont love you. apparently the other person fulfills the love thing that the mate/spouse is not. now its an emotional thing, as opposed to "lemme just hit this on the side." there are feelings involved (moreso than there would be if there was just sex) then you hear "my wife/husband is great, but my feelings arent there anymore, and i love this person" (however way you wold like to alter that statement)

so is it possible to love someone and cheat on them? yes and no. doesnt definitively answer the question, but perhaps my reasoning makes sense.

blackerican · #3 01-26-2004, 10:03 AM

Cool topic Monique!!!! How ironic that my best friend is going through something like this right now. She and her now ex-man were together for almost 4 yrs. (their anniversary is Feb. 12th). He just broke it off, over the phone no less, on Sunday!!!!! He told her that he still loved her but, that he "lusts" for some female that he goes to school with!!!!! He told her that he just wanted to have sex with this female and that he needed "time" to re-evaluate their relationship!!!! The bottom line is you can love a person and lust for someone else...love is a spiritual thing. While lust is a sex thing

!!!!!

SummerChild · #4 01-26-2004, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Monique
Hi Everyone, I have a question that we discussed in 1 of my classes.

*If u love me,then why would u cheat on me?*

Is it possible to say that u love somebody with all u'r mind and soul, but u are cheatin on them. what are u'r Honest thoughts.

Monique, I would say that in my opinion, it's not possible to *truly* love someone and cheat on them b/c if you *truly* love someoen (according to my definition of "love") you will make sacrifices and forgo situations so that you will avoid hurting the person that you love - even if it means suppressing your sexual desires at that point in time.

SC

ClassyLady · #5 01-26-2004, 04:22 PM

I don't think that you can truly love someone with all your being and then turn around and cheat on them. To cheat on someone is to hurt them. When you love someone, you never want to cause them pain, under any circumstances.

delph998 · #6 01-26-2004, 04:53 PM

Sorry ladies, but I beg the differ. I think you can truly love someone and cheat. I'm not condoning that behavior, but people do it all the time.

There are men and women who are madly in love with their spouses but are struggling in their marriage. Due to loneliness, they sleep with someone else. Or there are men and women who aren't intimate with their spouses and find someone else to be intimate with.

Again I say that I don't condone this behavior, but I think it's very common. I know that I'm gonna get it now.

allsmiles_22 · #7 01-26-2004, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by delph998
Sorry ladies, but I beg the differ. I think you can truly love someone and cheat. I'm not condoning that behavior, but people do it all the time.

There are men and women who are madly in love with their spouses but are struggling in their marriage. Due to loneliness, they sleep with someone else. Or there are men and women who aren't intimate with their spouses and find someone else to be intimate with.

Again I say that I don't condone this behavior, but I think it's very common. I know that I'm gonna get it now.

My thing is if someone can communicate such strong words as "I love you" and carry on in that way, they should be able to communicate "hey I'm having some problems with our relationship".

Get counseling and exhaust all other options. Work to make things better with the one you "love" instead of taking the easy road out. If things still aren't working then separate and move on. Sometimes the one you "love" isn't the one you are supposed to be with, so why cause unnecessary pain because you want to be selfish? Being selfish is not a part of truly loving someone and cheating is a selfish act IMO.

Eclipse · #8 01-26-2004, 07:40 PM

I agree with Delph here. Folks in love do things that hurt their loved ones. I am sure that most of us here would say that we love our parents with all of our hearts, but most of us would also say we have done things to hurt them. Likewise, we may not have cheated on a spouse or someone we love, but we have done things--some of them on purpose--that hurt the other person. Some may be trivial, but some may be significant to the other person. Cheating, beyond the sexual act, is really about deception and lack of trust. I know women who deceive or"cheat" on their husbands by going shopping and hiding bags when they had agreed that they would not shop because of mutally agreed upon goals. would you say these women did not love their husbands? THey were being selfish and putting their needs above their husbands, but it does not mean they do not love their husbands. While I do not think cheating is on the same level as shopping I still think that at it's core it is about trust and unmet needs.

UpPinkies · #9 01-26-2004, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by delph998
Sorry ladies, but I beg the differ. I think you can truly love someone and cheat. I'm not condoning that behavior, but people do it all the time.

There are men and women who are madly in love with their spouses but are struggling in their marriage. Due to loneliness, they sleep with someone else. Or there are men and women who aren't intimate with their spouses and find someone else to be intimate with.

Again I say that I don't condone this behavior, but I think it's very common. I know that I'm gonna get it now.

In total agreement. Every human wants to be touched or felt love in some way shape or form. In a marriage when you are not getting that emotional touch or love so you look somewhere else. So it happens.

Monique · #10 01-26-2004, 11:20 PM

My thoughts are that. yes and no well hell,

i don't know how i feel about this. I mean I agree that u should not cheat on the person u love but sometimes things happen and if u really love someone then u have 2 be willing to work things out. But on the other hand why would u want to hurt the person u love so i am like on both sides of the fence.

Conskeeted7 · #11 01-27-2004, 12:35 PM

I think it depends on the dynamics of the relationship...

1. if you are dating, you may be in the early stage of what you think is love and decide that you want to be with someone else instead.

2. However, if you are married, there is no excuse to cheat and it means that you are completely betraying the love, trust, and commitment that your relationship stands for. You have pledged your life and love to your spouse. So, there is no room for random bouts of lust that cause you to cheat. Lonliness is not an excuse. You knew that woman/man worked a lot before you got married.

I don't condone cheating in dating relationships. I just think that it is the examination part of the relationship process, and if you cheat, you fail and the love must not have been real. Otherwise, you wouldn't find it acceptable to hurt me that way.