Between ABC and XYZ

[tunatartare]

So rush is currently underway at my school. One of the girls who's rushing is a junior (Rita Rushee). She went through rush before the first semester of her freshman year but couldn't pledge the group she wanted to (XYZ) because she didn't have the grades for it. Now she's going through rush again the second time around. She's friends with some of my sisters and some XYZ's, and the first night of rush, in one of our rush rooms, she came up to one of my sisters and flat out told her "you know I only came to rush for you or XYZ." If I'm not mistaken, this was our former president and current pledge mom that she said this to. We're all really taken aback by her statement. Seeing as this is her second time around rushing, you'd think she'd know a lil bit better what to say and what not to. Also, the VP of recruitment is a KLP, and "Rita" knows her and apparently after our first night of rush, Rita went up to her and told her that she needs to talk to us about how we're conducting rush and what needs to be changed. This really is none of a rushee's business. And the truth of the matter is that neither us nor XYZ really want to give her a bid in the first place. Has anything like this happened to anyone before? How would you handle it?

[Glitterkitty]

She may not know better. It has been a while since she rushed and even though she has sorority friends they may not "talk sorority" all the time. I think honesty can be refreshing. We had a girl who ended up being a new member to us who kind of did the same thing. Besides, if you weren't the one she said it to, you don't know the tone of voice or context in which it was said. I wouldn't worry about it. Just decide if you like her as a person and if she has grades etc. I'd say go for it. It takes a pretty brave person to work hard for two years to get another chance at greek life. That may be a better way to judge. Good luck with recruitment!!!!!

[TigerLilly]

Hmmm. I don't see much wrong with the "I'm only here for you and XYZ" comment. She probably just wanted to make her interest known. That, and the fact that she's known to have friends in XYZ -- she probably wanted to make sure you guys knew that she wasn't only interested in XYZ.

As for what she said to your sister who's the VP of recruitment...well, she's her friend. I wouldn't worry about what she said to her unless the friend has a big problem with it, too. And having someone around who has good ideas and isn't afraid to share them could be a good thing!

"And the truth of the matter is that neither us nor XYZ really want to give her a bid in the first place."
If y'all don't like her, don't give her a bid, plain and simple. Don't worry about whether or not XYZ is going to bid her, think about how this girl would fit in in your chapter and with the girls in it. But, you say she's friends with some of your sisters: obviously she fits in with them. Would she get along well with the rest of you? I'm sure her friends would like to have her in the chapter; would the rest of you not mind having her around? Think about that, versus how disappointed her friends in the chapter would be if this girl wasn't offered a bid.

[PsychTau]

I think I would overlook her statement about why she's at rush (only for XYZ and KLP). It's one thing for a freshman who has no information or impression of all the groups....it's another thing if a junior who has been through rush before says it. Obviously she's been around campus and knows people, etc. Unless it was said in a very rude and condescending way, I wouldn't worry about it. At least you know where her interests lie.

As far as her other statement about how you are conducting rush, I would have to consider the context and way she said it. Things get lost in translation from one person to another. This woman may be really looking forward to being in a sorority and has already thought about how to contribute to the group (i.e. rush ideas). Or she could have been really judgemental and become quite bossy and controlling if she's made the rush director. Don't know. Think about the other aspects of her personality...is she like this all the time? Or could this have been a statement from a woman who wanted to prove to a member that she would really contribute to the group (and hopefully get a bid)?

Then again, the friend (VP of recruitment) may have actually started the conversation with her in order to see what a rushee thought. I wouldn't necessarily hold that one statement against her...so don't focus on that only when doing membership selection. We all jump in and say the wrong things and step on toes....but we learn from these mistakes (when someone tells us we've crossed the line) and a sorority is a great place to learn stuff like that.

Good Luck!
PsychTau

[aopinthesky]

I agree with the general tone of the responses. There isn't anything wrong with telling someone you are interested in their group. As far as what she said to your member regarding rush, it sounds like she was talking about rush as a whole and not being critical of your sorority in particular. I think we can all agree that rush is an odd bird that probably needs some change!

[shadokat]

Daisy, what it boils down to is if you like the girl or not. If your sorority doesn't want to give her a bid, DO NOT DO IT That's the benefits of mutual selection process. You get a say too!