Can feelings ruin good friendships?

[GRITS]

I searched and couldn't find this exact topic. If a topic does exsist mods delete this please!

What do you do when you have strong feelings for a close male friend, but you think(or know) that he doesn't feel the same way, or is afraid that if he does, the relationship (or the person) will change?
So the questions that i'm asking are(remember I'm only 19!)
1.Do you all belive that romantic feelings can ruin good friendships?
2. How can you make the friend see you in a romantic light( if he doesn't)?

3. How do you deal with the rejection in the friendship( if he doesn't feel the same way)?

4. How do you get over it if you've had the feelings for sometime and they haven't been returned!

Again I apologize if this has already been discussed!

[O_SoPrettyNikki]

1. Yes, sometimes romantic feelings can mess up a good friendship. Unfortunately not everyone is mature enough remain friends after a break up. This is especially true if the couple weren't REAL friends in the beginning. However, if the 2 are REAL friends, I believe, that a serious and honest talk needs to take place before the relationship begins. Sometimes knowing someone as friends before hand is a blessing, other times it can be HELL on earth.

2. You can't MAKE anyone see you in a romantic light. As friends some romantic feelings may develop gradually the more time you spend with each other. Try spending more time with this friend, just the 2 of you. However, if your not his type, your just not.

3. First of all, rejection in a relationship is like anything else. Don't put yourself out there if you cannot handle a possible negative reaction. Because life doesnt always work out just the way we want, we should prepare ourselves for alternative outcomes. If your ready to put your cards on the table, also be ready to accept that your friend may not react well to your advance. If said person is really a friend, then he will do his best to let you know, in the nicest way possible, that he is not interested, without hurting your feelings much. Before approaching your friend, you should be honest with yourself and figure out how a possible rejection will affect you. Are you gonna run and hide and never speak to your friend again? Is it going to be the end of your world? If so, you may want to re-evaluate the friendship and/or your motives for becoming friends in the first place. In a TRUE friendship you will not always see eye to eye, but you will always, always be there to support each other, no matter what the circimstances.

4. Hmmmm, I can only give you my experience. My friend and I had romantic feeling towards each other, however he also felt that should we have a relationship, it would ruin the friendship. Of course I did not agree. For a while I was too pissed that he wouldn't give me the benefit of the doubt and at least try. Although I was upset I never ever let my feelings get in the way of supporting him, and being there when ever he needed me. Even when I had to listen to stories about him and his friggin girlfriend. Yes, it was hard but more than I wanted to be with him, I wanted him to be happy. Because we were friends, it was easy to tell him how I felt b/c I knew that he would never judge me. The situation actually helped us to grow as friends. Don't get it twisted , like any other friends we argue and what have you, but at the end of the day, if I pick up the phone and say I need you, He will be there, no questions asked.

[nikki1920]

wow. I"ll have to get back to this question...

[Conskeeted7]

My friend turned more than friends experience was horrible. A good friendship went down the drain and now we don't even speak to each other. It's really too bad. We should've just left it alone. True, we liked each other, but we were much better friends. Musiq's song HalfCrazy explains this scenario pretty well...lol

[AKA_Monet]

To answer your questions:

Originally posted by GRITS
I searched and couldn't find this exact topic. If a topic does exsist mods delete this please!

What do you do when you have strong feelings for a close male friend, but you think(or know) that he doesn't feel the same way, or is afraid that if he does, the relationship (or the person) will change?

If the boy says he only likes you as a friend, then that is it, he only likes you like that and it won't change...

Originally posted by GRITS
1.Do you all belive that romantic feelings can ruin good friendships?

Yes and no. If one enters into a mature relationship where all boundaries are open and explored and communication is consistent, the romantic feeling may not ruin a good friendship, it might enhance it.

But if folks don't walk into with their eyes wide open, then it will really hurt in the long run...

Originally posted by GRITS
2. How can you make the friend see you in a romantic light( if he doesn't)?

See what others have said. You can't make anyone see you beyond what you have already presented to them when you first met them... That is why they say first impressions are lasting impressions...

Originally posted by GRITS
3. How do you deal with the rejection in the friendship( if he doesn't feel the same way)?

Well, assuming you walked with your eyes wide open, you have to be a friend enough to understand, otherwise you placed an unneccessary burden and unrealistic expectations on the relationship at the start...

If you walked in the relationship clueless, then well, you've got to chalked this one up as an experience, learn more from it to move on and live your life as the Creator intended...

Originally posted by GRITS
4. How do you get over it if you've had the feelings for sometime and they haven't been returned!

My dad says to date someone else... That never worked for me... I guess it depends on the seriousness factor. If you walked into this clueless and started fantacizing this person as the "end all be all", one way to deal with it is to get rid of any memory of this person. Write a letter to yourself of how hurt you ALLOWED yourself to be and burn it... For some reason, burning the negative thoughts out of your system, spiritually cleanses the hurt from you... I've told numerous friends of mine in utter pain to do that and it works wonders...

Then start the "Spring Cleaning" for the heart. Make heart healthy decisions. Spiritually renew yourself. Make deposits for your soul. Seek wise counsel if need be... Sometimes your mind thinks things incorrectly and plays tricks the mouth and body to do unwise acts. It is the heart that overrides all the bad things the mind does when it is sick...

As of yet, I have not figured out a molecular genetic reason for this, but spiritually speaking every soul-searching text I've read tends to make statements on this one fact...

When in relationships, you ought to consider walking within the divine. If you relationship does not extend your being spiritually, then how do you expect to follow your path in life correctly? The mind often does play tricks on you... It's your heart that separates fact from fiction...

Read Iyanla Vanzant's In the Meantime... And other books... That has helped me tremendously.