FDNY & 9.11.01 Aftermath: This is unbelievable to me

CrimsonTide4 · #1 12-02-2003, 11:07 AM

http://www.nypost.com/news/regionalnews/12256.htm

The New York is not a tabloid, is it?!?!!? This is just freaking insane!!!

1savvydiva · #2 12-02-2003, 11:19 AM

lovelyivy84 · #3 12-02-2003, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
http://www.nypost.com/news/regionalnews/12256.htm

The New York is not a tabloid, is it?!?!!? This is just freaking insane!!!

The NY Post is indeed a tabloid.

Junky paper.

CrimsonTide4 · #4 12-02-2003, 11:35 AM

oh well then never mind.
imma delete this.

i got it from a soror who is a journalist too.

lovelyivy84 · #5 12-02-2003, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
oh well then never mind.
imma delete this.

i got it from a soror who is a journalist too.

No don't. This was actually on the news like five times yesterday.

For some reason real news outlets are carrying this story too.

And I meant that the post is tabloid-caliber, lol. They are nominally not a tabloid, but they are trashy and lack integrity, so that's how I see them.

Questions404 · #6 12-02-2003, 11:39 AM

The Post is indeed a rag, but this is really happening. There was a special on MSNBC or CNBC since it is a bit more pervasive then previously thought. One of the rejected wives was on and said that since her husband was taking care of so many of the intimidate things having to do with helping a widow get back on her feet after September 11th, it was hard for the husband to transition back into the life with the wife and felt more comfortable after months with the widow to actually stay with the widow. They say that it is happening more often than they would like and the wives think that it is because of a program that is set up by the fire stations to take care of widows. Strange . . . but true.

CrimsonTide4 · #7 12-02-2003, 11:44 AM

Thanks Lovely for further clarification. Okay well then it still sucks!!

Question: Does this also happen with war widows? I know I heard of it before in high school, but I just want to know for sure.

lovelyivy84 · #8 12-02-2003, 11:51 AM

Not that it isn't sad and all, but why is it on the news? It seems like such a hugeinvasion of privacy to me. It's not something that public policy can really affect- it's just a consequence of trauma.

Blaming the FDNY because your marriage didn't work out is more than a bit ridiculous IMO.

Love_Spell_6 · #9 12-02-2003, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lovelyivy84
Not that it isn't sad and all, but why is it on the news? It seems like such a hugeinvasion of privacy to me. It's not something that public policy can really affect- it's just a consequence of trauma.

Blaming the FDNY because your marriage didn't work out is more than a bit ridiculous IMO.

LOL! Thats what I'm saying!! I dont think this is newsworthy at all!

ladygreek · #10 12-02-2003, 12:27 PM

Psychologically, I can see it happening. The husbands feel survivor's guilt and part of the way to deal with it is to make sure the widow does not suffer as much. The widow, in turn, sees a replacement for her husband. I am not a psychologist, but I would bet that after more time they will both come to realize it was not love but emotional comfort.

Questions404 · #11 12-02-2003, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
Question: Does this also happen with war widows? I know I heard of it before in high school, but I just want to know for sure.

The special on MSNBC/CNBC mentioned that the same thing happens to war widows because the killed soldier's friend felt an obligation to the widow -- needing to take care of her and her family -- filling some kind of void or something. The special made note of the fact that the reason it was not covered as widely as this situation is because this situation is being heavily documented; they are closely following the lives of the survivors and all of those affiliated with the families of those who lost loved ones (especially those in the fire department) and it must look like something interesting to cover since those who stepped away from their families to take care of other families actually stayed with the families they wanted to take care of in alarming numbers.

TonyB06 · #12 12-02-2003, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ladygreek
Psychologically, I can see it happening. The husbands feel survivor's guilt and part of the way to deal with it is to make sure the widow does not suffer as much. The widow, in turn, sees a replacement for her husband. I am not a psychologist, but I would bet that after more time they will both come to realize it was not love but emotional comfort.

I understand the theory as presented, but when does the rationality kick in? I'd defer to someone w/ a psychology background, but don't rational people reach a point where they realize they're "in too deep?"

I see the guilt and possible desire to do the mentor thing; we do that here, spending time with the sons of deceased Alpha brothers, but to pack and move and start taking up with the widow strains credulity. Not that they planned for this to happen, but I wonder how many of these men were in strained marital/family situations before 9/11?

FeeFee · #13 12-02-2003, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TonyB06
I understand the theory as presented, but when does the rationality kick in? I'd defer to someone w/ a psychology background, but don't rational people reach a point where they realize they're "in too deep?"

I see the guilt and possible desire to do the mentor thing; we do that here, spending time with the sons of deceased Alpha brothers, but to pack and move and start taking up with the widow strains credulity. Not that they planned for this to happen, but I wonder how many of these men were in strained marital/family situations before 9/11?

Like Ladygreek posted, it's emotions that are involved, no room for being rational, especially given the circumstances under which these firefighters met their demise. Unfortunately, once they realize that they are "in too deep", so much damage would have taken place.

Some serious, long-term PTSD counseling needs to take place.

Peaches-n-Cream · #14 12-03-2003, 11:47 PM

I think that this story is in the news because the FDNY strongly urged the firefighters to help the widows and children. Some of these men did so at the expense of their own wives and children. When the wives complained, the FDNY didn't help them. According to one of the morning news shows (I think The Today Show), at least six firefighters have left their wives for widows. I don't know if it is news worthy, but it is sad.

ClassyLady · #15 12-04-2003, 06:29 PM

I don't really think that this should be considered newsworthy either. Although it's not funny, I laughed at the part of the story when the Fire Department tried to order one man back to his family. The audacity of them to think that what a man does with his life after work is any of their business. It's sad to see that this is happening, but really, what can any of us do about it? Men leave their wives every day.

I just wonder, like Tony, how many of them were in bad situations with their first wives? And, didn't the wives notice that their hubbies were getting too close for comfort over at the other woman's house? I understand that they were trying to be supportive, but I would have cut all of that out before it got that serious.