How to ruin your kids' relationships

AchtungBaby80 · #1 11-29-2003, 02:30 PM

Every time I date a guy for longer than a week or two, my stepdad finds something about him that he doesn't like. He will constantly make negative comments about the guy, so much that pretty soon my whole family is begging me to break up with him just so peace can be restored once again. My stepdad is always nice to the guys' faces, at least, but the incessant comments make me so tired that I just end up breaking it off anyway just so I don't have to hear it anymore. This is very effective, so parents, if you have children who are dating guys/girls you don't like, try this--it works like a charm. However, being on the receiving end of this isn't very fun, especially since this has happend with every guy I've dated since I was allowed to go out. Does anyone else have a parent like this? How did you manage?

absolutuscchick · #2 11-29-2003, 02:40 PM

Don't tell your dad about your relationships??

AchtungBaby80 · #3 11-29-2003, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by absolutuscchick
Don't tell your dad about your relationships??

He kinda figures it out because I live at home for right now. Even when I was away at school, it was still public knowledge since my parents like for me to come home often.

justamom · #4 11-29-2003, 02:50 PM

DANG! I thought it worked the other way! The more a parent complained the "tighter" the couple became. I guess I've been doing it all wrong!

Honestly though-what would happen if you just told him exactly what you said here and ask WHY he does that? If it's a major flaw, it can be hard to keep our mouths shut, but if it's something like one ear sticking out more than the other, then I feel bad for you------------and him, because it makes you focus on that one ear till you can't STAND it!

AchtungBaby80 · #5 12-01-2003, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by justamom
f it's a major flaw, it can be hard to keep our mouths shut, but if it's something like one ear sticking out more than the other, then I feel bad for you------------and him, because it makes you focus on that one ear till you can't STAND it!

HAHAHAHA!

Well, my stepdad will never give a "reason" for not liking someone--he thinks just saying, "I don't like him" is reason enough--but maybe that's a good thing because at least I don't have to worry about him calling things like that to my attention!

James · #6 12-01-2003, 02:25 PM

How Oedipal . . .

Lady Pi Phi · #7 12-01-2003, 02:46 PM

Why do you listen to him. If all he says is "I don't like him" I don't see that as a reason to break up with someone, even if you can't stand the comment.
If your dad said something like" I don't like because he was rude to me adn your mother..." then I would take that into consideration, but "I just don't like him" is not reason enough. You have to stand up to him.

SparkliiQTMTSU · #8 12-02-2003, 12:28 AM

My mom has done this before plenty of times. but I don't ever let her make my decisions for me. I mean yes shes usually always right but I must make my own mistakes is how I feel about it. Im glad its only my mom and sisters that live in TN though. kinda makes it easier since I dont have to hear from the rest of my family being as they are in MI and all. but I would tell him and the rest of your family that keeps telling you to break up with people the good points about the person and why you care about them and explain to them that who you date is YOUR decision and you have to make your own choices and yes they can have their opinions but to please not be rude about them and make comments if you ask them not you. I know it seems like a harsh thing to do to family but sometimes youve gotta stand up for yourself.

Nichole

AOIIBrandi · #9 12-02-2003, 11:05 AM

I think stepdad may just be having problems letting go. It sounds like he's been around for a while, so he probably sees you as his own daughter and thinks he is looking out for your best interest. You may just need to have a heart to heart and explain that if he continues to do this that you'll never get to grow up, get married, and have grandbabies for him - NOT that that is what you are looking for right this minute.

On the other hand, if he's (stepdad) kinda new then this could be a huge underlying issue between you two. Kinda his way of exerting control over you... I would then have a heart to heart with Mom and explain that if stepdad is going to continue to do this he is going to ruin not only his relationship with you, but the relationship between you and the rest of the family as well because they let it continue.

I could be way off base here, but this has been my experience with dealing with "steps".

ZTAngel · #10 12-02-2003, 11:16 AM

Parents have a HUGE impact on what their kids think. I value my mother's opinion and I'm very close with her so when she tells me something, I usually listen. I've had plently of relationships where my mother would be nice to my boyfriend's face but not so nice behind his back. Although I didn't break it off right away, she definitely put thoughts in the back of my head that I never had before.
It's been much easier now that I've gone away to school.
I've just learned to listen to everything my mother says but just take it as her opinion and nothing more. I also go to my Aunt or my sister for a second opinion. If they're all saying the same thing, I then revaluate my relationship. My Aunt and my sister usually are as objective as my mother.
Luckily, my mother loves the guy I'm with now.