hate your chapter....

josh8o · #1 11-13-2003, 05:33 AM

have any of you ever been in a situation where you just hate your chapter? where you feel like you are compromising yourself just by being inside you house?
i honestly am sick to my stomach right now. i dont want to be here. i dont want to see anyone from my chapter....it's sad that the only nice thing i heard tonight was from my friend in theta chi; he said i could stay at his house tonight because he knew how upset i was.
i give 180% and i never get recognized....the sad thig is that i am ok with that. recognition is not why i do things. lately i have heard from some of our pledges that they notice that i dont get as much respect as i deserve---a pledge notices it. what is wrong here? in the last 2 weeks i have noticed the truth in what is bringing my house down, and it is evident by the actions that have taken place.
anyway, it is late and i need sleep.....who knows what tomorrow will bring, but i dont think i will let it be peachy

PKTKKG · #2 11-13-2003, 10:13 AM

If it helps at all, I think it is very positive that your pledges are recognizing the things you are doing. That should give you some good feelings for the future.

dzrose93 · #3 11-13-2003, 12:40 PM

If it makes you feel any better, I think everyone feels this way at least once about their chapter. Keep up the good work that you're doing -- apparently, you're making a positive impression on your pledges, and that's very important. They'll be the ones leading your chapter in a couple of years, and if they use you as a role model, then that will go a long way in bettering your GLO.

Good luck, and keep your head up!

Kevin · #4 11-13-2003, 02:14 PM

Next time the opportunity comes to run for chapter president, do it. By then, perhaps these pledges (and others) will be in a position to support you.

To keep things in perspective, you must realize that GLO's are training grounds for leaders. Most beginning leaders don't yet grasp when it is good to show someone you appreciate them. Many times they honestly don't have very good leadership skills.

It sounds like you're doing what's best for your organization and really, when you look back on it, you'll be glad you did.

veemers · #5 11-13-2003, 02:45 PM

Sometimes one of the best things you can do (although it might be difficult) is just talk to your brothers about your frustration. I don't know about you, but right now everyone is busy with classwork and other extracurriculars, and everyone is stressed out. It's easiest to just take it out where you can, and for many of my sisters, it's been on each other. So talk to them. But don't fight with them. If you still feel that nothing has changed, there's nothing wrong with just taking a step back from things. You don't have to be at every event that happens, and you should never be expected to give more than you feel comfortable with. And it seems to me that you don't mind giving every ounce of your energy, but you have to remember to take care of you first. And feeling frustrated isn't going to help you one bit.

I hope you can work things out with your brothers.

ThetaGrrl · #6 11-13-2003, 03:13 PM

Sometimes, it seems, the more work you put into something you love, the more it loses it's appeal. You want it to be perfect, and you realize more and more that it's not. Then, it's frustrating when you see the people who don't put in lots of effort taking advantage of all you do.

I've been there, and I've done that, in school, my chapter, even with my family.

My only suggestion would be to step back and think about why you put in the effort you do. Is it to please yourself? To please others? Maybe it's just to make your chapter a better place for members that will be there long after you are gone. If your new members see you doing something positive, they will follow. I think just setting a good example for one individual to follow is enough to make a difference.

Best of luck, and don't get discouraged. You don't always have to agree with something you love.

PKTKKG · #7 11-13-2003, 09:40 PM

You know, something else I just thought of. After advising chapter women for 10 years or so, the hardest times are just before it's time for semester break at Thanksgiving and then again at Christmas. Everyone needs a break - especially if you are so involved and feel that you have so much personally invested.

I always have to take a step back and remind the women (and myself) what point it is in the semester. Usually, it's just before a much needed school break.

Let us know how you are doing. We've all been there.

Little E · #8 11-14-2003, 01:26 PM

I"m sorry you are feeling so frustrated! Keep with it for a little bit longer. Remember why you joined and what your organization stands for, till you are able to feel more comfortable in your house again. Don't run away, I know guys don't always do this, but try communicating. If you do a gavel pass try talking about it then, don't attack anyone, but express how you are feeling, your brothers may just not realize how you are feeling and how their actions are causing it.

Good Luck!

PhiDelt649 · #9 11-14-2003, 04:26 PM

I'd say suck it up man. I mean, these guys are your brothers, and they shouldn't have to recognize you. A brotherhood is something of equality, all the people pulling together and supporting one another. If you're doing all this work, and other people aren't, then you should be trying to get them involved, not griping about not getting attention (which is what this post is about mind you).

So, grow up, and if you're trying to be a leader, welcome to the real world. :-)

Harsh yes? Will I get lynched for this post? Most likely. But hey, it happens. Soooo let the flaming begin.

MTSUGURL · #10 11-14-2003, 05:07 PM

I am sorry that you are so discouraged with your chapter right now, and I really hope that things get better. That being said, I don't think that saying that you hate your chapter or discussing the lack of respect you receive with pledges is the way to fix things. I honestly believe that no one in another chapter on your campus should know that you are that upset with your chapter. This is your brotherhood, and problems in your chapter should remain in your chapter. One of our standards says that talking negatively about our chapter or a sister is not allowed, and believe it or not, we follow that. If a group of girls can make sure that problems are confronted and solved, I know a group of guys can. Guys typically are not as catty as girls when problems arise. I am thoroughly impressed by your commitment to your fraternity, and also by the fact that the recognition isn't that important to you. I really hope things turn around, and I encourage you to begin delegating things and saying, "Hey, I kind need some help with *something specific* and I think you'd be great at it."

PiEp299 · #11 11-14-2003, 05:37 PM

Damn man, want some cheese with that whine?

This thread wouldn't exist if you weren't concerned with recognition for what you've done. Which is fine, everyone wants to be recognized for what they do....but it don't always go that way.

If all this bothers you so much, open your mouth and say something about it to your bros, if your brotherhood is worth a darn they'll listen and do something to help out....otherwise it wasn't worth it all in the first place.

not tryin to be too harsh, but brotherhood isn't screwing one brother into doing most of the work, while the rest reap the benefits.

josh8o · #12 11-14-2003, 09:10 PM

hey
thanks for the kind words....it is just hard being vp, and someone who cares a lot about the future of my house. the things that frustrait me are the poor decisions that are made within my house....i am vp, and i try to make things better, but with a president who is part of the problem where do i go? recently there has been a lot of things that have made me question if i want to stay here next semester. so i decided the best way to get help on this is to call one of our alumni who is a friend of mine and a mentor. he actually has helped a lot and is concerned about this place too. socially we are going up....we have never had a year where girls wanted us more, but internally we need work.

i know some of you think i am acting like a little bitch, and that is cool. some of us deal with problems in different ways. i talk about them, i look for help and advice from others who would understand my situation. and i am not bitching about getting cerdit for what i do, it is being treated with respect that sometimes is lacking. maybe if i told you the real problem you would understand, but that might make me a bad phi psi

Kevin · #13 11-15-2003, 01:10 AM

Josh, I totally understand where you're coming from on this. I served in the same office you did for a year and then afterwards took the punishment to a new level as treasurer. You can only imagine how popular I was when I got our Accounts Receivable down to $0.

In the long run, I'm confident that the organization will be better for the sacrifices we make today. Even if our brothers aren't aware of what we're doing. I think going to your alums is a great idea though. In many cases, they can be the catalyst that gets a chapter back in line. My only other advice to you is to be patient. With your chapter's newfound social status, it might take a semester or two for everything else to fall into place. As long as your leadership (you and your successors) are aware of the situation and what must be done (your alums can help with this), you should be fine.

I could entertain you with so many stories about feeling unappreciated but later seeing the impact of what you've done... but in most cases, by sharing, I'd be being a bad Sigma Nu

In the long run, you'll be glad you never said to hell w/it.

hannahgirl · #14 11-15-2003, 10:22 AM

Josh....
I totally understand the way you feel right now. This is my last semester before I go into Alumnae status and it has been one that has been a complete roller coaster ride. I have held many positions in my chapter, on Panhellenic, and in my other organizations, however, I have felt as if no one appreciates it. It takes a lot out of you and sometimes you have no idea what to do. I live at my house too and it always felt so good at the end of the week to just come home and get out of the place that made me feel so upset. I love my sisters, I can't say that I don't because I honestly don't know what I am going to do without them after December 15th, but there are times when there is disappointment because the chapter isn't run the way you think it should be or people let you down because something is not done and you have to make up for it. It comes with membership in an organization. A strong member is one that no matter how much you are pushed down and stomped on, you continue on and do the things that you are there to do. Strong members are those who stick around for their chapter during the good times and especially the hard times. Keep your head up Josh.....it gets better, it really does.
Have you said anything to the other officers in your chapter? Have you addressed your chapter? Let them know how you feel and how frustrated you are. Communication is important and if you feel that way, maybe other people will follow your example and speak up too. This is the only way that things will change.
Hope that helps!

Tom Earp · #15 11-16-2003, 12:54 PM

Josh, I can also toatly understand in a different sort of way!

While the Founder and Oldest Alum, some of the other 600+ dont understand my passion after these many years.

VP is one of the toughest jobs as you are the # 2 man but with little resposibility unless spelled out. (Dont ever think about being Treasurer or House Manager).

The only thing that you might do, is bide your time where you can be in a position where you can stamp your mark and get things straightened out. But remember the lessons learned in the meantime!

Good Luck and keep up the chin!