I Don't Date Outside of My Race...

Ania · #1 12-15-2000, 10:10 PM

Please help me.

Let me begin by saying, even though I not against most interracial dating, I am against a black man dating a white woman.

Why do I make two different statements that don't match? Because, to me a white woman dating a black man reinforces all of the negative stereotypes of why black men don't date black woman(fat, lazy, loud, ignorant, ghetto glued in weave with bright orange nails.) Basically, that black woman are not wanted, not even by their own race. Ok, I just put myself out in the spotlight to get hammered from all sides.

Now, let me make things more complicated. My uncle will be bringing over his fiance' for Christmas and yes she is white. Unfortunetly, my uncle was one of those men that went to college loving a black woman and leaning on a black woman for support but now, is making lots of money and you know the rest. He claims that he loves this woman and he is worried about how our family is going to act.

Let's just say, I know I am going to be the mediator but I don't want to be. I wish I could talk to my family before they show up. I know this is weird, but please help me keep my family from stepping out of line and hurting their feelings.

This is actually bothering me. Regardless of my personal feelings, I don't want my family to act ignorant. Was anyone in a similiar situation? What did you do? Even if not, what do you suggest?

NUPE4LIFE · #2 12-16-2000, 12:58 AM

I must say that I don't agree with your post at all. How can you be accepting of most interracial dating, but not black men and white women? That's oxymoronic to me. I have dated a white girl in the past. That doesn't mean that I don't love my sistas. I LOVE MY SISTAS!! For you to assume that all black men date white women because they feel that black women are inadequate for whatever reason, is propersterous. Also, for you to suggest that your uncle is dating this white woman now because of status reason's is also wrong. Has he come out and said that now that he's making major figgas that a sista ain't good enough for him? But to sort of agree with you, black men who solely date white women peturbs me. I mean, there I can say they might have some unresolved issue. But on a whole, interracial dating doesn't mean that either party has abandoned their race. But let's get to why you are really posting.

Hopefully your family has the sense not to be rude in front of your uncle and his fiance, not matter how they feel. There is really nothing you can do as the mediator. Does your family know that he is now engaged to a white woman? If they do and they have a problem with it, they should have said something about it to your uncle before he comes home and gets put before the firing squad. Does your family have a general problem with white people? Well let them know they've been here and are not going anywhere. Even if they disagree with the interracial dating, they should support your uncle if he's truly happy with this woman. That's my advice.

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Ania · #3 12-16-2000, 09:10 AM

Thanks 4 your reply, NUPE4LIFE. I'm actually going to talked to my uncle today, to see if he can arrive at an earlier date. Yes, I do realize that their is nothing I can do as a "mediator". And no, my family really doesn't know about his future plans but, my question about him loving this woman still remains. But I shall soon find out.

As far as the attitude of my family-CONSERVATIVE. Interracial dating is a no,no.

However, I do feel that I need to clear a few things up about you understanding my statement.
You stated,
"For you to assume that all black men date white women because they feel that black women are inadequate for whatever reason, is propersterous. Also, for you to suggest that your uncle is dating this white woman now because of status reason's is also wrong. Has he come out and said that now that he's making major figgas that a sista ain't good enough for him?"

Let me first say, I don't assume that all black men date white woman because they "are inadequate for whatever reason", YOU said that.

As you are aware, many black men, white women, and others of different ethnic backgrounds see the surge of black men dating white women a cause of the stereotypes I previously mentioned. And unfortunately, I have had one or two white woman tell me this. Or at least try to anyway.

Of course my view is oxymoronic-contradictory, acutely silly, and does not match, that was my first or second statement I made. But, I'm being honest and that is how I truly feel and regardless of how many black women deny it, I'm sure in some way they agree.

Anyhow, thanks for your opinion and don't think I haven't given your post serious thought.

AKA_Monet · #4 12-19-2000, 09:34 PM

My brother just married himself a caucasian woman this past summer... I had a huge problem with that and I caused myself much distress over that, especially since I attended a HBCU. I prayed to God to show me why He was allowing this marriage to "happen", since I truly believed and somewhat still believe, my brother wasn't and isn't ready for a long term committed, maritial relationship. His mentality, I believe as the older sister, is a bit premature for handling all the impact that a serious marriage, based on God would take--but I could not and still cannot be the judge of that...

All I can suggest inorder for you to get through this, as I somehow did because of my love for Christ, is if you are seriously close to your uncle and you truly love him as your brother in Christ, or in spirit or whatever you believe, ask yourself, like I had to ask myself, is it worth all the bitterness and resentment you have to ruin you uncle's and your relationship for the rest of your lives, just for ~4 hours of a meal when all you have to do is "smile"? Can't you just smile for 4 hours??? You'd be amazed with yourself by taking on that attitude...

Ironically, if you find yourself kind a liking the girl he's bring "home" and he talks outta turn on her (like O.J.) and you call him on it in front of her and she's smart enuf to start defending her beliefs, then it might drive him away from her... This could backfire on you though. But most of the time, it's about control and domination that a brotha must feel over any woman. I've had to put my brotha in check when he talks outta turn to his wife. He may resent that, but as a woman, it's wrong for a man to publicly belittle you in front of family and friends. That is the very beginning of a domestically violent dysfunctional relationship and folks would want to seriously seek psychological help for themselves...

Epitome · #5 12-20-2000, 12:36 AM

Ania,

So far as your role as the mediator goes, you may want to talk with your family before the holiday gathering gets started and (gently) remind them that the uncle and girlfriend deserve respect simply as people. Race doesn't have anything to do with it, really. Even if she were Black and they didn't like her, they should try to be cordial and not make this woman your uncle has chosen uncomfortable, right? The same applies even though she is White. As long as she is respectful, she should be respected. Now, if she steps in there and doesn't act right...all bets are off!

prettygyrl · #6 12-20-2000, 12:55 AM

My brother has a White girlfriend. I ummmmm let me make it clean and simple, I am not one that really agrees with the white and black thing, and like Ania i have no problem with interracial as far as like a black and hispanic.......maybe it is silly but thats how i feel. At the same time I am not so against it that it causes me to act ignorantly. I love my brother and I have grown to love his girlfriend. I know that his reason for dating her is not because he thinks the Black woman is not adequate nor is it status (she has more money than him). Its really because he loves her and I am mature enough to accept that. They have been together for along time now. I also have a female cousin who has only been with the White man that she is with, thats the only man she has known. She is 31 and they have been together since they were in highschool. He is apart of the family. I would never date a White man and I would hope my children do not, but if they do I am understanding enough to accept it as long as its true love and as long as they are not dating one of those White people that come from racist families and they have to hide and shyt.

Ania · #7 12-21-2000, 09:28 PM

Aka_Monet, Epitone, and prettygyrl,
You both are absolutely right. I just prayed about about it and I will treat her with respect and expect that she will treat us the same. If I turn bitter or petty about her not being a sister, I will smile and just bear it, for my uncle. Regardless of how I feel about interracial dating.

I do love my uncle and he knows that we do not play that game of disrespecting women. He will be called out or at the most called into the kitchen to be told about his behavior by his brothers and sisters.

AKA2D '91 · #8 02-08-2006, 05:39 PM

but if I would, I'd be interested in dating (Celebrities or Someone You Know-First names only):
(I'm watching Oprah and Mathew McConaughey, hence the idea for the thread and the movie Something New)

Jody · #9 02-08-2006, 06:00 PM

I would be all over Kevin Spacey, I don't know there's just something about those dimples.....

Honeykiss1974 · #10 02-08-2006, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
but if I would, I'd be interested in dating (Celebrities or Someone You Know-First names only):
(I'm watching Oprah and Mathew McConaughey, hence the idea for the thread and the movie Something New)

LOL - For real though, Matthew is fine.

AKA2D '91 · #11 02-08-2006, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jody
I would be all over Kevin Spacey, I don't know there's just something about those dimples.....

Hey Soror!
Yeah, he's a lil something.

emeraldAKA99 · #12 02-08-2006, 08:12 PM

I am a huge fan of Nick Lachey, would be all over him. I also looooove Adam Levine (Maroon 5) and I think the drummer is cute too.

teena · #13 02-08-2006, 08:25 PM

Ania,

I pretty much agree with what was said here about playing mediator. You really dont have to do it. Let your uncle do it.

My family is was extremely racist. I say was because my cousin married a woman named Julia about 10- 15 years ago. My cousin was soooo out there on drugs, the family was terrified. He lost his mom and still didnt get off the drugs. I dont know what Julia did, but he is a sold out, holy ghost filled, on fire drug free-Christian. Now, when he first married her, some family was saying some really whack stuff and would say that they didnt care if she heard. But once my cousin set them straight, even the biggest offenders fell in line. I know one thing, Julia had to get a thick skin with the quickness. But things really did work themselves out. Keep praying.

Dionysus · #14 02-08-2006, 08:49 PM

^

I love it when peeps fail to pay attentions.

Werd.

unspokenone25 · #15 02-08-2006, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
but if I would, I'd be interested in dating (Celebrities or Someone You Know-First names only):
(I'm watching Oprah and Mathew McConaughey, hence the idea for the thread and the movie Something New)

but if i decided to go down that road...

Lawd, Matthew McConaughey...OoOOHHH WEEEE!!! Also put George Clooney and Julian McMahon (from Nip/Tuck) on the list as well.