I just shot myself

kisses · #1 01-14-2001, 03:53 PM

I hope I didn't scare anyone. I feel like I just shot myself though. This morning I just broke up with my boyfriend of two 1/2 years. I thought he would one day be my husband. No he didn't get back with his baby mama (cause he doesn't have one), or go to prison for armed robbery. Actually he is a good guy who doesn't drink , smoke or cuss, has a good job and a degree. He goes to church and is very much a gentlemen. So I am sure someone is asking "Why the hell did you let him go?" Well, I just realized that we will probably never be one the same page about life. His wants and needs are so very different from mine.
I am having a hard time with this because I can't guarantee that I will ever find a man with those qualities again. Has anyone ever had to break up with someone they loved just because they knew they were wasting each others time? It hurts because he apologized for not being a better person but he is a good man with a good heart. I feel like I let go of something certain and I am afraid I will never find it again.

Advice would be greatly appreciated.

faith is knowing when you step into darkness there will be solid ground underneath or God will teach you to fly.

southernbelle · #2 01-14-2001, 08:34 PM

Sorry to hear that. However I have a friend who is going through the same thing right now. Her problem is the same as yours. I've found that sometimes you may have to let someone go so you can do what you have to do for yourself, even though you may still love that person very much.

exquizit · #3 01-15-2001, 10:44 AM

I think your choice was a very mature one. After the pain passes both you and your ex will appreciate it. You were woman enough to realize before anymore time passes that you two weren't on the same page. I've been there and I don't regret the choices I made. I did find someone else and he's wonderful. Don't lose faith!

PrincessELG · #4 01-15-2001, 04:16 PM

Kisses,
Think about it this way if you had stayed in the relationship just because he was a good guy and not because you were headed down the right path together then you two would have eventually hated each other for it. Maybe down the road your lives will cross again but right now your mature decision was the one you both needed.

Professor · #5 01-16-2001, 06:16 PM

From a Brother to a Sister,

Because a man is nice and treats you right does not in any way suggest that he is the man for you. In fact, women should only surround themselves by men that respect them in a manner that they deserve. Seriously, if your needs are not being met now then they more than likely will not be met in the future. If you are a respectful sister then you will certainly have other men that will want to puruse you. I think you made a smart move and stongly suggest you find someone that really excites and RESPECTS you. This combination is sure to be found in many of my frat brothers (

) - just a suggestion.

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"The World belong to those who care deeply,
Who Dream Broadly, and
Who work steadfastly."

AKA2D '91 · #6 01-16-2001, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Professor:
This combination is sure to be found in many of my frat brothers ( ) - just a suggestion.

WHAT?

YOU THINK?

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

onesavvydiva · #7 01-16-2001, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Professor:
From a Brother to a Sister,

Because a man is nice and treats you right does not in any way suggest that he is the man for you. In fact, women should only surround themselves by men that respect them in a manner that they deserve. Seriously, if your needs are not being met now then they more than likely will not be met in the future. If you are a respectful sister then you will certainly have other men that will want to puruse you. I think you made a smart move and stongly suggest you find someone that really excites and RESPECTS you. This combination is sure to be found in many of my frat brothers ( ) - just a suggestion.

Oh, really, Professor!?!

serenity_24 · #8 01-17-2001, 01:30 AM

Well ladies, I'm not sure if I can agree with you. I understand that no one wants to be in a relationship in which you feel you are not getting what you need from it, but a good man is hard to find.

Have you guys tried to talk about what each of you want in the relationship? Maybe there could be some common ground between you two that you haven't discovered that will help you compromise. Relationships are not always going to feel like they did the first month.

The only reason I say this is because I was about to break up with my boyfreind for similar reasons, but we had never really talked about it. I talked to my sister about it and she explained to me that it was important to at least try to come to some middle ground, because in the future if there is something you don't like about someone, you will be more inclined to just get out than face the problem, and what if youre married by then?

I say try to work it out. That's just my opinion.

novella000 · #9 01-17-2001, 12:42 PM

Kisses, I applaud you. I really do. Giving someone you care for the "Let Go" is soooooo tough to do. I think that you did the correct/mature thing.
Understanding/Knowing when your needs are not being met can be an EXTREMELY difficult thing to assess/foresee...
I know that I tend to excuse*excuse*excuse the faults of an individual until the need to remove myself from the situation is PAINFULLY apparent (but I am working on that). I can really admire your strength. You ARE a strong woman -- stay that way! If you make a purposeful effort to smile and be happy about what you've done -- you won't feel the need to beat yourself up about it...
If you two are meant to be -- you will be... You never know, that may be later on in your lives. But hey, if another man needs to step up to the plate -- then Batter-Up!!!

naturalbeauty08 · #10 01-18-2001, 12:22 PM

I totally feel what you are going through. My viewpoint is... every nice guy is not meant for every nice woman. Just because the two of you are seemingly compatible to everyone else does not mean you two can be together or will be happy together.
Me and my last boyfriend went through something so similar. At one time I thought this was the guy I was going to marry. Then our outlook on life changed. He's still a wonderful guy who can make someone happy... but that someone just is not me. People told me that I was crazy for letting him go, but those people cannot live my life and have no impact on my future happiness.
So my advice.. it may hurt for a while, but I'm sure you made the right decision for YOU. The only person whose happiness you can control.
I wish you peace.

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...Taking control of my beauty... loving me for me...