Switching Family Trees ?!?!

alphabug02 · #1 11-02-2003, 05:32 PM

Hi y'all, I just got back from my college's Homecoming a few weeks ago and when I visited my Chapter house I was surprised to find out that some of the girls had been switching Bigs and Littles!

Has anyone ever heard of this before? Some of the Alumnae are really upset including a good friend of mine who just found out that her family tree has died because her grand-little switched family trees.

I feel like someone should say something to the Chapter, but right now I'm still too dumb-founded and upset at the whole situation to figure out where to begin.

Has anyone else ever ran into anything like this or have any idea what (or if) we should say anything to the Chapter.

texas*princess · #2 11-02-2003, 05:38 PM

I've never really heard of someone just switching bigs/littles before, so that does seem kind of weird...

I have, however, seen some people become 'adopted' by another big if their own big was really busy or graduated right after getting a little.

Quote:

Has anyone else ever ran into anything like this or have any idea what (or if) we should say anything to the Chapter.

Some people might disagree with me, but I personally do not feel anything should be said to the chapter.

While it might be really upsetting to hear that 'families' are dying out because littles are switching or whatever, you have to remember that the whole 'family' thing is a small detail of being part of your sorority. What you should really be concerned about is if the chapter is doing OK and that the *chapter* isn't closing. 'Families' are just a small part of the overall organization that you are a part of and love. If there are no longer members of the 'family' of bigs/lils, then so what? I'm sure you and your fellow sisters still love your sorority no matter what

alphabug02 · #3 11-02-2003, 05:52 PM

In our Chapter people always "adopted" a Big sis or Little sis unofficially, but now they are changing while their Big sis is still in school or right after she graduates with out ever telling her.

It's just hard to come back and watch another sister say hello to a girl she was told was in her family line and then have that girl, explain that she took a different Big Sister- it's just so... weird.

I agree that the focus should be on the Chapter as a whole, but this situation also seems to be hurting morale, because people are not happy with whom they originally were paired with for Big/ Little's.

I don't know why so many New Members in the last two years have chosen to take different Bigs; it might be that our Chapter has a bad system of Big/ Little Matching. If you have any thoughts on this subject as well please let me know.

33girl · #4 11-02-2003, 06:41 PM

This is definitely wrong and the chapter should have a talking to about it!!!

It is one thing to adopt a little if her big drops out of school and is never heard from again...usually, someone within the family tries to "take care" of her. That's not always possible, and I can understand an adoption. My 5 adopted a big because her big dropped out. But she dang sure was still in my family and proud of it!!

But to switch after someone graduates, especially if they come back to visit, and not claim the old family at all anymore??? Let alone if they're in school?? That would be so upsetting I can't even imagine.

We had sponsors (ruby sisters are what they're called now, I think) for the first 2-3 weeks of pledging and then picked bigs & littles. This was mutual selection...same as bid matching.

Your big doesn't have to be your bestest friend in the sorority forever, but it is a special relationship and not one you should switch at the drop of a hat.

honeychile · #5 11-02-2003, 07:58 PM

WIthout trying to sound above it all, this is the main reason why Alpha Delta Pi (and many other GLOs) discourage "bigs & littles" in all situations. Y'all are sisters and that's what's important!

AchtungBaby80 · #6 11-02-2003, 11:29 PM

But sometimes situations arise when a Big and a Little aren't matched very well. I've seen that happen, and in that case, I think it's fine if a Big/Little adopts another one. It seems kind of rude, though, to just switch...I mean, if I didn't have time for my Big or Little, or didn't really have much in common with her, I wouldn't mind if she were adopted by someone else but if she just cut me off I'd be kind of upset!

AlphaPhiBubbles · #7 11-02-2003, 11:36 PM

It sounds like your chapter isn't doing very well with big/lil matching...maybe people are taking littles too close to the time they are graduating? or perhaps the littles aren't getting enough choice in picking bigs. If it seems like people are switching en masse or something, then you should talk to the chapter, but otherwise i wouldnt. you sound more personally hurt than anything, so if i were you id talk to your little (er, old little).

33girl · #8 11-03-2003, 01:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by honeychile
WIthout trying to sound above it all, this is the main reason why Alpha Delta Pi (and many other GLOs) discourage "bigs & littles" in all situations. Y'all are sisters and that's what's important!

honeychile, you know I heart you, but, well, you are kind of sounding above it all. (This regards my GLO, so that's why I am a little defensive) I'm glad the "no bigs/littles" policy works so well for ADPi and everyone loves it, but that doesn't mean it is good for any other group. I also believe there are groups who have eliminated big/little and then brought it back.

One of our main recruitment philosophies has always been that more members join because of friendship with ONE MEMBER than any other reason. It would be completely contrary to this philosophy to eliminate big/little. We do have "Advantage Teams" which enable the pledges to meet every sister over the course of her pledgeship.

Bigs, littles and family lines only turn into "cliques" if the members allow it to happen. If that is a problem in a chapter, cliques will form no matter what the membership program.

polarpi · #9 11-03-2003, 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
One of our main recruitment philosophies has always been that more members join because of friendship with ONE MEMBER than any other reason. It would be completely contrary to this philosophy to eliminate big/little. We do have "Advantage Teams" which enable the pledges to meet every sister over the course of her pledgeship.

I *think* what honeychile was trying to point out with ADPi (correct me if I'm wrong, honey!

) is that we still have that special friendship with one member (diamond sisters) rather than one sister "above" another (big/little). ADPi hasn't eliminated the philosophy of that type of relationship, they've just "redirected" it in a different way so that there isn't as many difficulties with the relationships between sisters, for whatever the reason.

texas*princess · #10 11-03-2003, 03:09 AM

I agree polarpi

That is what I thought honeychile was trying to say too.

When I first thought of rushing for ADPi, I really wanted to because of an ADPi I met my first semester here. I didn't necessarily join because of her, but I did start going to recruitment events because I thought "if her sisters are as awesome as her, I would definitely like to get to know them". During the recruitment events I met so many awesome people, and *that* is what made me want to be an ADPi more than anything

She ended up not being my diamond sister, but it didn't bother me, because we still have a great friendship

ETA: As far as bigs/littles go, I don't see why they feel the need to be switching. Just because you are a big/little does not mean that you need to automatically become instant best friends... you'll still be sisters whether or not you have every single thing in common

kddani · #11 11-03-2003, 08:05 AM

No offense to the ADPi's here, but it sounds like Diamond sis is just a euphamism for big/little- different in name only, and probably operates that way at most schools.
I don't know any ADPi's at Pitt anymore, but I do know that only a few years ago when I pledged KD they still had big littles.
I'm certainly not attacking ADPi, it just does sound like you guys are trying to be "above it all" on this subject (to quote the phrase used here) when in reality it just seems like a euphamism.

GeekyPenguin · #12 11-03-2003, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by kddani
No offense to the ADPi's here, but it sounds like Diamond sis is just a euphamism for big/little- different in name only, and probably operates that way at most schools.
I don't know any ADPi's at Pitt anymore, but I do know that only a few years ago when I pledged KD they still had big littles.
I'm certainly not attacking ADPi, it just does sound like you guys are trying to be "above it all" on this subject (to quote the phrase used here) when in reality it just seems like a euphamism.

Exactly - especially since so many ADPis call people their "Big <>" or "Li'l <>" which is something I've seen a lot on here.

Personally, I think it sounds like the chapter sucks at Big/Little matching. My chapter's had a few instances of girls being "adopted" but for the most part it was either because the big graduated or because the big was a crappy big who never showed up to anything when active or alum. I think a big thing to focus on here is that big/little pairings should be thought of carefully. Even if somebody really wants a little, if they aren't a good match, don't give them one! It should be somebody who not only has the time/money for a little, but somebody who they can relate to. I've seen so many girls who beg to have a little, and then they never do anything with them - it is supposed to be a special bond and you shouldn't do it just to have a little, you should do it to have THAT little that you love so much.

honeychile · #13 11-03-2003, 10:01 AM

I started to post a long explanation of what I posted, but I've decided against it. Both polarpi & texas*princess have stated the case well, and if diamond sister is being used as a euphamism for a big/little relationship, that chapter is wrong in their operations. Our policy is a level playing field at all times, no one sister above another at any time.

However, if the whole big & little sister gig is working for your sorority, by all means, keep it! The last thing I mean to do is to insult another sorority in their policies.

kddani · #14 11-03-2003, 10:21 AM

How is big littles a power relationship? How does a big have "power" over a little? It's just a name.

How is ADPi's set up different than the tradition big-littles that most groups use?

It's the same sort of names as a family has- even though my brother is 20, no matter how old he is he'll always be my little brother

aephi alum · #15 11-03-2003, 10:40 AM

Hmm... Seems odd that people would be switching family trees, especially if it means families are dying out (aside from unusual situations like a big who deaffiliates or graduates). I know how hurtful it is to have no "family" (I am a founder and my only little deaffiliated

). But even if you have no "family", you do have a "family" - all your sisters. I think that's what texas*princess is trying to say.

As far as calling it big/little, diamond sisters, or whatever goes - no matter what you call it, you're still doing the same thing. The "older" of the pair makes sure the "younger" one feels especially welcome. She gives her gifts, takes her to dinner, makes sure she meets any sisters she might not have already met, may play a role in ritual, and so on. The difference is that some sororities (ADPi is one) place more of an emphasis on calling the relationship something that doesn't imply a hierarchy - once the "younger" of the pair is initiated, she is completely equal with the "older" sister.