Dropping KD?

[absolutuscchick]

I posted this in greek life as well, but I thought I'd post in here as well:

Ok, heres the situation.
All semester I have been going through a ton medically. From the start of rush I have been ahving alot of problems, but I really thought that I could handle a sorority and school as well. It turns out that I can't though, and so I have had to start the proceedings for a medical withdrawal from school. This has been super duper hard on me and so that's why I want to be happy to have 100 girls to depend on and help me along. The problem is, no one, save one girl, has even attempted to ask me what's wrong, help me, or be there for me. I know that the girls dont know me that well but I would atleast expect them to care and be there and try to help me through everything.
On top of feeling a little bit left out, my emerald sis, pearl sis, diamond sis, and big sis, although acted excited to have me as their sis, have done nothing with me, never once called me or asked how I was doing. Nothing. I feel so uncared about by the people who shoudl be there for me; my sisters.
Second Degree and Initiation are coming up, as well as the New Member Exam and I am not able to put the energy that I need to into them because of my sickness. I feel like I have no choice but to drop. I emailed my New Member Advisor about the problem and after 24 hours I still have heard nothing at all. I feel like no one is there for me.
On the Other Side of my greek experience, my sisters in Alpha Gamma Gamma, although they are a state away have all been there for me, supporting me, giving me pearls of wisdom. I know thats what real sisters are supposed to do, and it feels awesome to have them. I just wish that my new sisters in Kappa Delta treated me the same way.

Should I drop? What should I do? I need advice!! Thanks everyone in advance!

[KDAngel]

Oh darling, I'm SO sorry you're going through all this. And while I don't know your WHOLE situation I can relate to you sooo well. Last fall I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts that I didn't tell anyone about. I started doing poorly in school, etc and after finishing up the semester horribly my parents took me home for the Spring 2003 semester.

I thought my world was over. And then I start telling my sisters and it seemed like NO one cared. My big put forth some effort, but it was terrible when you have 60+ sisters and no one acts like they care. All Spring I contemplated coming back to KD. Then, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and my really did come to a screeching halt from how I once knew it. But then, KD became the thing I desired more than anything. I wanted to get back there and and make a difference. I wanted to be someone to all the other girls to come in and all my sisters and support them through thick and thin and never let ANYONE feel the way I did.

Okay, so point being, I came back and while people STILL hurt me and neglect to ask how things are and act like they really care, I know my ultimate purpose to explemify Ta Kala Diokomen and AOT to each girl in my chapter.

I encourage you to stick it through though. While I didn't wanna call people out and tell them they were hurting me, I finally did and they were CLUELESS. Stop and tell your big how you're feeling. I won't be easy but she needs to know. If you're going through a tough time your chapter needs to be there for you and perhaps you're doing such a good job of covering up your pain and problems that they don't know. OR they're too scared to step in and ask questions and what not. Ya know? And since you're not yet a sister, they may be even more apprehensive to jump so much into your personal life. But hun, don't give up KD. You joined for a reason and by your post I can tell that you're one awesome girl that I'd be proud to call a sister.

Look deep within and find the courage to carry on. At least for now. Don't give up hope on your future sisters just yet. Kappa Delta is the BEST experience I've ever had and despite it's ups and downs I would never have the heart to leave it. And I hope you can come to the same. Know that when you are initiated you have sisters all over the country for support. And hey, be the sister that you want them to be. Be there for people, be open, be understanding- be what our great founders invisioned.

And hey, I want you to know all about AOT! So if you need to talk more or anything, pm me and I'll email/IM you.

*sorry for the book!!

In all my Kappa Delta Love and AOT,
Liz

[kddani]

Do they have any idea that you're sick? You can't expect people to be able to read your mind. Also, there are quite a few new members, that's a lot of people to keep track of, and if they don't know you're sick, they'll have no clue. Maybe they just think you're being aloof and distant.

If you're going to withdrawl from school, you definately need to talk to your new member educator, because you have to be a full time student to be an active member, and to be initiated. You emailed your NME.... it's only been 24 hours, there's a lot of people who don't check their email that often or are bad with responding to it. Or she may have to talk to other officers or an advisor about what to do- which is very likely. This is a new chapter, they haven't had much experience yet.. Have you called her or spoken to her in person?
My general impression is that you're just waiting for people to come to you.


***** To put my mod hat on for awhile.... ladies let's try not to air dirty laundry in public. While it's great to be supportive, that doesn't mean saying negative things about our own chapters. Just a preemptive warning ***********

[absolutuscchick]

Thank you so much Liz and Danielle for your advice and personal experience, it really makes me feel better to know that I have Kappa Deltas in other parts of the country looking out for me. I talked to my New MEmber Educator yesterday and she basically really helped me feel alot better about everytihng. She said that KD can work with me to get through initiation and the new member exam. I guess the thing is, that they really didn't understand how hard I was working and suffering. I really think that alot of the problem was that I just assumed that people would understand how hard I am working and how many problems I've been having when I only let them in on the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. Hopefully, I'll get a chance to make a relationship with my big happen because she's an awesome girl.

Here's the situation right now in terms of school. I am planning on withdrawling but not until after initiation occurs. My doctor and I are working on medical withdrawal, so very hopefully everything will work out, my medications will even out and I'll be able to go back to school and Kappa Delta in the Spring of 2004. If not, I'll be back next fall.

*** Sorry to air dirty laundry on GC, I just didnt know where else to go and people on GC on AIM chat suggested I ask on GC, so I did. ***

[KDAngel]

YAY! I'm glad you're working on a way to stick with it all! That's great!

**And sorry if I aired dirty laundry too. I LOVE my chapter more than anything and I let anything believe otherwise I did NOT mean to. I'm SOOO proud of my girls and I love them all beyond words!!**

[DaffyKD]

Rachel,

Your sisters are still young. Dealing with illness can be very hard for us old foggies, but for you youngsters, it is even harder. Kids your age still think they are immortal. I say these things as I have a daughter who will be going off to college next year. I also have a special needs son. I see how my daughter has a hard time dealing with illness. Not that she does not care, but 1) other than her brother she has not been around it very much and knock wood so far none of her friends have been affected. She does not know HOW to deal with it, 2) she gets scared and feels that if she tells the person having problems that she is scared she will not be a help to them but a hinderance. She has not yet learned that saying your are scared for someone can let them know that you care for them (I sure hope this is coming out in English, as I know what I am trying to say, but to say it on a keyboard does not always come out clear).

KD sisters across the country are here to give support as long as they know what is happening. My father had a stoke in April (while I was at an AA meeting). I let my online sisters know how scared I was about my dad. The support was over whelming! Hopefully you will stay in through initiation, hopefully our BS can help to make the rest of the chapter understand what is happening.

Good luck

DaffyKD

[kddani]

I'm so glad that you got things taken care of.

I'm hoping I didn't come off as grumpy (which I was this morning when I wrote that! i had a midterm today and moot court competition tonight and i'm going crazy), but I could definately see both sides and how they wouldn't understand. There's always sisters or new members in a chapter that go MIA, and we don't always know why. I'm a big fan of communication- when you have that many ladies and that much going, it's really important.

No biggie on the dirty laundry, it was more of a warning. I didn't want this to turn into a war stories thread

I'm really happy that you'll think you'll be able to be initiated. Once you are, I hope that you join the KD yahoogroup that DaffyKD mentioned and that many of us are also a part of. It's a great group, and it's a great way to stay in touch with KD, learn more, and really appreciate the sisterhood that you have across the country.

Plus, it's a great way to meet people. DaffyKD mentioned her daughter going off to college- her and her daughter came to visit my school, and the three of us went to lunch and I told them everything I could about the school! Two people from totally different places who've never met before being able to meet up is just such a great thing!

[kdonline]

Rachel,

I'm a bit late in coming to the rescue, it seems, but our sisters have said it all. (Plus, I see other GCers have posted on the open thread!)

Of course, I also have to vouch for the KD Yahoogroup. This year has been the worst in my life, and I have to credit the KD's on there for helping me get through 2003. But, similar to you, they wouldn't have known about my crises if I hadn't have told them. Once I did, the outpouring of support was incredible - from sisters I never met before, but know only through email!

And then, when you get the chance, it's great to "meet" these Yahoogroupers in real life - I met Danielle @ the KD Convention in 2001 (thanks to the Yahoogroup), and I know I will meet DaffyKD one day when I'm in California! I feel closer to them than I do to the KayDee's in my local alumnae association! (Forget about my chapter sisters - I am not really in contact with any of them.)

Hang in there...!!!