So do they ever change?

GtownGirl98 · #1 10-07-2003, 02:39 PM

I was wondering if anyone has knowledge of this... if a guy doesn't want children when he is 23 is there a chance of that feeling changing when he is 30 ish? Or is this one of those things that you can't change?

greeklawgirl · #2 10-07-2003, 02:50 PM

Arin, where is this question coming from?

I think that the answer is, "it depends." It depends on the individual guy, his experiences, his feelings, his thoughts. Many guys would change their minds as they mature and find the right girl to settle down with. Other guys are dyed-in-the-wool bachelors who never want a family. It depends.

For instance, when Sean and I first started to discuss having a family, he was adamant that he wanted 5 or 6 children, because he grew up as one of 5. I would argue, "Yeah, you and what wife are going to do this?" because it sure wasn't going to be me having 5. To make a long story short, now that he has nieces that he babysits and he sees how difficult and expensive it is to raise children...well, he's changed his tune. 2 or 3 looks much better to him (and me).

So again, I think it just depends. Do any of our, ahem, more experienced alumnae have thoughts on this matter? Of course, married alumnae and mommies of all ages and NPCs are welcome to weigh in on this.

MereMere21 · #3 10-07-2003, 03:41 PM

Is he an overall immature 23 year old? I'm assuming this a guy you are with and you want children....soooo you are wondering if you should get out now right?

It depends why he doesn't want children. If he is one of those that thinks bringing a child into the world is an act of cruelty, then most likely, his view will not change when he is 30. If he doesn't want kids because he doesn't want to be tied down, or he has some wild oats to sew or something, then I'd bet his view will change when his biological clock starts ticking.

To be honest though, all the guys I've known that didn't want children, were pretty steadfast in their ways.

GtownGirl98 · #4 10-07-2003, 04:08 PM

My boyfriend of two years and I are starting the whole "should we get married" talks. One of the two hangups is that I want at least one kid but no more than 2 (I don't want the only child thing), and he doesn't want any (though he wavers on the one every once in a while). He hasn't been around children for very long since his sister and him are close in age and cousins are too. He is also concerned about the money that children need, and the getting tyed down thing. Though there isn't many things that we do that are last minute, except going out to a movie or dinner but that is because neither one of us cooks much (though I hear this comes with time). We had a dog for a few days (had to give away because she was in cage more than out, not fair to her) and we couldn't find anyone to dog sit, but dogs aren't children and grandparents love to babysit their grandchildren. Plus he has a sister that is local and I have future sisters who will be of the age to babysit. I'm not looking for children in the next 4 years but I would like to have then one day, so I am wondering if anyone has had this issue come up and if so do you think that this is something that will always be a tough issue between us (I know everyone is different but I'm looking for hope).

The other problem is that I want to travel by flight (go to Hawaii and see Sandy's little grass hut) and he has never been on a plane before and is scared to fly (can't blame him I was too the first time and I have a prayer I say over and over again everytime I fly but he is so bullheaded that he isn't wavering too much on this (though he has before and I think if I drug him then I can get him on a plane!)

Otherwise we agree on most everything... kinda (I'm a Conservative Donkey and he is a Liberal Elephant), I like spending money, he likes making it, we enjoy movies and sports... and much much more. But the child thing is rather big to not agree about going in.. don't you think?

ThetaSig AGD · #5 10-07-2003, 08:12 PM

My guess is that nothing is written in stone! I also stated for years I would NEVER get married or have kids. I think though now if I met Mr Right things would change. I am no longer as closed minded about either now.

But I would have to agree with Maria, "it depends", some just dont want any!

In a way, I dont blame them , I mean look at this world!! On the other hand, my parents say there is nothing better in the world than a child of your own, on the other hand.....well there is no other hand! ** Sorry, "fiddler on the roof" flashback!!

AGDee · #6 10-07-2003, 10:19 PM

Here's one of the "old alums" who has been around the block a couple times (and at the wedding altar and divorce court a couple times). Here's the deal: He may or may not change his mind BUT you have to decide if you want to spend your life with him if he doesn't. Don't ever marry someone hoping or expecting that he will change down the line. You have to be prepared to live with how he feels about children right now. I agree that most men who feel that strongly about not having children do not change their minds. If you feel you have to have children to have a full life for yourself, then, unless he changes his mind before you tie the knot, don't go into it thinking that you'll convince him. If you don't convince him, you may be miserable.

Dee

GtownGirl98 · #7 10-08-2003, 04:01 PM

Thank you all for the support. I knew I could count on my sisters!