Having Doubts

IheartMATT806 · #1 08-24-2003, 02:23 PM

I have just returned to college for my second year and I am not happy AT ALL! I am extremely homesick..i miss my family and my boyfriend. I am 6 hours away from home and suffer from generalized anxiety. I just got to college last week and with all of the feelings of homesickness I am beggining to have panic attacks and I find myself depressed. My parents want what is best for me and if that means comming home and going to another major college closer to home next semester then they dont mind. They are a little dissapointed I wanted this long to do somthing but I cant feel happy now. The only problem is that I would have to hold off on school untill January. I was going to stay here untill December but I am soo sad I cant find the energy to do anything. I can leave this week if i want to so what do you guys think is the best thing?!

Tom Earp · #2 08-24-2003, 02:34 PM

I guess I was different and still am!

I loved new, period!

But, if it is that bad, well, it will just hurt you in school!

It is very hard, but got to make up your mind! Hopefully others can give some good advice!

Hope for the best for you as that is what counts!

Lady Pi Phi · #3 08-24-2003, 02:48 PM

Normally I would say stick it out, but I completely understand how you're feeling, and it's not going to help your health or your grades if you're completely miserable.
I was in a similar predicament that yu are in. I also suffer from depression and anxiety and going off to school was not the best choice. I stuck it out for 3 and half years, but things got progressivly worse. Eventually I broke down, and barely completed my first semester of my senior year. I chose to take the next semester off to clear my head. I moved back home, and while things were a bit stressful (looking for some work while I wasn't in school), it was the best thing I could have done.
So my advice to you is that if you are miserable and don't want to be there, don't be there, becuase if you stay, I can only see things getting worse. It's best to be where you are happy.

Hootie · #4 08-24-2003, 03:07 PM

Are you in a sorority or any activities on campus? I have a gut feeling that your anxiety might be due to an empty schedule and social life AT school that causes you to miss the routine you have at home. Plus relationships are always bothersome when you are away and missing the person.

My advice to you is this...stick it out. It will build strong character. You need to force yourself to go out and mingle and be with friends. This will take part of the anxiety away because your time will be consumed. As a song I know goes, "These are the days you'll remember" but ya won't have any fun memories if you're not out there enjoying the times.

If these panic attacks and depression are something you are accustomed to, my recommendation is to seek the assistance of perscription drugs. These may help your mood and clear up your mind from feeling the way you are feeling.

I can't say I'm 100% accurate in my opinions, but these are just a few things to ponder sweetie.

Good Luck in whatever decision you make

IheartMATT806 · #5 08-24-2003, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hootie
Are you in a sorority or any activities on campus? I have a gut feeling that your anxiety might be due to an empty schedule and social life AT school that causes you to miss the routine you have at home. Plus relationships are always bothersome when you are away and missing the person.

The werid thing is that I AM active in school and I am in a sorority. I have a wide range of friends but its almost like they dont understand what I am going through. I had a great time last year with all of the activities I was involved in but as this school year got closer I did not look forward to comming back. The happiest that I have ever felt was this last summer BEFORE I got here and now I am at my lowest. I try to stick it out and go off with my freinds but I have a fear that I will have another attack and much rather stay in and talk to my family back home. I feel pressured by my freinds mainly because last year we did everything together, including going out and partying. Now when they ask me to go party I tell them I dont feel good and they talk down to me. They ask me what is my problem and joke me for staying home. The truth is what was fun last year is no longer what I am looking for. I miss my family and my boyfriend and I know that I am happiest when I am with them. I just dont know what to do...stay here and make everyone around me happy or go home and be happy?! I feel like I cant please everyone when deep down I need to please myself.

Tom Earp · #6 08-24-2003, 03:25 PM

If not happy, then you are in a depresive state. This will definitely hurt your grades and health!

Maybe sit and talk with a counselar of some kind!

Is MATT on GC?

Seen that Sig before!

valkyrie · #7 08-24-2003, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by IheartMATT806
I miss my family and my boyfriend and I know that I am happiest when I am with them. I just dont know what to do...stay here and make everyone around me happy or go home and be happy?! I feel like I cant please everyone when deep down I need to please myself.

I think that everybody goes through this after going away to school. I don't really know what to tell you, but I went through something similar, although it was my first year of college. After my parents drove away and I was sitting alone in my dorm room, I freaked. I ended up calling home quite often during the first few weeks, crying, miserable, wanting to just leave and go home.

The thing is, I didn't go home. I can't say if I was as unhappy as you are now, but things got better for me and I ended up staying at my school for four years and graduating, and I'm really glad that I did it. I went to a school where I knew nobody and I look back on it as being a really amazing experience where I made my own life all by myself.

My advice to you would be this -- see a counselor and try to stick it out for a semester. If you're still miserable at the end, even after talking to someone and maybe getting medication (I've taken zoloft for panic attacks and it worked really well for me), then think about leaving. I think that you'll grow a lot by trying to work through this, and if it doesn't work at least you'll know that you tried and didn't make a hasty decision which is what I'm afraid you're going to do now.

Leaving home is always hard, but you're going to have to do it someday.

33girl · #8 08-24-2003, 04:47 PM

Try seeing a counselor if you are having the sort of anxiety attacks where you break into a sweat etc...you should not be like that under any circumstance.

From some of your past posts it sounds like this may be a relationship issue with your boyfriend and not being secure in whether or not he is committed to you. Believe me if it is real, you can spend time apart and it will grow, not dissolve.

As far as your friends, well, if I had a friend who liked to go out and have fun previously and now all of a sudden when I asked her she never wanted to, well I would be worried and insulted and upset too...I would want to know what the problem was too. You can be in a relationship and go out with your girlfriends....please don't fall into the trap of thinking that you can't, because way too many people are already in it. If you feel that pressure coming from your boyfriend to not go out or to come home and go to school....that is bad news.

Rudey · #9 08-24-2003, 04:51 PM

Quick we need to help you out ASAP. Are you cute? Ever played a sport? How flexible are you? Can you come to Chicago?

-Rudey
--Most importantly, have you ever been in a banana eating contest??

KappaKittyCat · #10 08-24-2003, 06:40 PM

Hon, I know where you're coming from. I was nearly hospitalized for depression and anxiety, and it's only with the help of counselors, my sisters, and (in my case) medication that I was able to stay in school.

Here's the way I look at it. If life seems too much, yeah, you can check out for a while, but y'know what? You'll have to come back. I knew that if I left college, I'd have to return at some point, maybe not to my school, but somewhere. I realized that life wouldn't just pause while I got my feet under me.

Being away from my friends and boyfriend was the hardest thing I'd ever done. But I've learned to manage and live with my illness, and I'm a stronger person now for it.

My advice would be to seek counseling. I'm sure your school has a counseling center of some kind. They're trained to help people our age go through things like this, and believe me, if going home turns out to be the right thing for you, then they're not going to try to stop you. But I wouldn't try to make any major decisions alone in the state you're in. I've done so, and it's never turned out well.

PM me if you want to chat more. Take care.

angelic1 · #11 08-24-2003, 11:18 PM

If it is that much of a problem that you dont want to go out.. then you should seek some kind of counseling..

im no expert on this so this is just my opinion.. and this is more for just people who are upset and lonely, not to the point that its medical...

i get homesick a lot too and i very very close to my entire extended family.. it was hard to leave my fam..

plus i had a boyfriend when I left to go to school.. but we ended things before i went.. bc i knew if it was meant to be it would be(plus i had always made a pact with myself to go to college single) ... bc college is a time to grow and experience new things... i wasnt going to look for a guy, but i didnt want to be one of those people sitting in there dorm room not going out.. that will lead to you being upset..

plus you are going to have to move out of your house at one point or another.. i know you like hanging out at home, but when you are 35 im sure who ever you marry isnt going to move in with your folks as well..

change is hard.. but you have to adapt and move forward...

Hootie · #12 08-24-2003, 11:33 PM

Valkyrie made some good points and coming from someone who has been in your shoes you can see how she is satisfied with her decision to stay.
I just worry that you are going to retreat to home thinking things will be okay and what should happen if they aren't the same? Like god forbid, what if your relationship ends? Then will you regret your decision?

I also don't think your friends are meaning to joke on you about not going out, but they probably don't know the severity of your problems either. And if you informed them about what is going on, they may be a resource to help you! They may not expect you to go out all the time, but then they'll at least know you're not just blowing them off. And who knows, maybe you'll find out that you're just feeling this way because you TELL yourself you aren't seeking the things you once did, and once you start going out again and be with good company things may get better. I'm not saying go out and party hard core, but go to the movies, or shopping or to the football games. Be with close people!

CatStarESP4 · #13 08-26-2003, 12:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by IheartMATT806
I have just returned to college for my second year and I am not happy AT ALL! I am extremely homesick..i miss my family and my boyfriend. I am 6 hours away from home and suffer from generalized anxiety. I just got to college last week and with all of the feelings of homesickness I am beggining to have panic attacks and I find myself depressed. My parents want what is best for me and if that means comming home and going to another major college closer to home next semester then they dont mind. They are a little dissapointed I wanted this long to do somthing but I cant feel happy now. The only problem is that I would have to hold off on school untill January. I was going to stay here untill December but I am soo sad I cant find the energy to do anything. I can leave this week if i want to so what do you guys think is the best thing?!

IHeartMATT806, I can identify with you. I attended a small somewhat rural two year college for my freshman year that was at least 9 hours away from home. When we came back from the winter break, I was about to get off the bus and I became homesick. I thought I was going to cry. I toughed it out though and got good grades. I decided to transfer to a university that was a 2 hour train ride from home and was a lot happier.

White_Chocolate · #14 08-26-2003, 02:31 PM

it scares me that young people are leaving home
and getting depressed about going off to one of the greatest adventures of your life
i do agree that maybe she should be closer to home. . .maybe 2 or 3 hours away

another question: why join a sorority if you aren't going to utilize your sisters to talk to and help you feel better?
i live almost a day's journey from my family and have since i was 19
i've been through 2 engagements(one i broke to move)
i've been working full time and part time jobs with 12 hours of school to boot
that adds up to almost 80 hours
i'm vice president of my sorority and very active with the fraternity
i never miss a party or social
and if i'm feeling down and missing my family, i adopt someone else's family
last thanksgiving, i spent with one of my sorority sister's at their winter cabin
her parents didn't know me at all and they flew me and her home for the holidays
now her mom emails and calls me like i'm their child
if you talk to your sisters and tell them that you're missing home, they'll help out
you just need to talk to them

AchtungBaby80 · #15 08-26-2003, 02:57 PM

Get counseling. That's the best thing I ever did. Being on medication kind of sucks sometimes, but I stayed in school (which I hated hated hated hated hated the first year) and graduated on time with honors and a minor. You can do it. Things might seem hopeless sometimes, especially when you're lying in bed at night thinking about how much you miss everyone and how much you don't like being where you are, but they're really not hopeless unless you just give up.