new boy and my sorority

AlphaXi4983 · #1 08-03-2003, 11:20 PM

okay so i have a new boyfriend. we've been good friends for four years, but we've only been dating for a few weeks. he's very reserved and mature for his age (he's 21 and im 20). he doesnt drink often, is intimidated by large social setttings and is very shy around new people. my sisters are very outgoing, usually in large groups, tend to drink a bit, and can be intimidating if you dont know them. i too am shy around people i dont know so i can understand how they could, um, scare him. i really want him to meet my sisters and understand why they mean so much to me, but i dont know how to get them all together. has anyone else been in a situation like this? like i understand if he doesnt want to go to large parties or what not unless he's comfortable with them, but i dont want him to miss out on date parties or formals or other things i would be bringing him to, and i want him to be able to chill with me and my big and little and other sisters in smaller settings. help!!

pinkyphimu · #2 08-03-2003, 11:37 PM

maybe you can get together with a few of your sisters who have serious bfs. invite 2 or 3 couples to go to dinner and a movie. this way, he will get a chance to meet your sisters...plus he will get to meet some of the guys who will be at the date parties, formals, etc! are any of your sisters dating someone he is already friends with?

33girl · #3 08-04-2003, 12:07 AM

Introduce him to the sisters who are your closest friends gradually...the double/triple date thing is good too. Work up to having him at a date party, don't just throw him in! Mr 33 I think at first was somewhat scared of meeting a bunch of sorority sisters, but he's gotten used to it and went to our reunion without freaking out.

The only place I'll never take him again is Homecoming, too crowded and crazy (things he detests whether they are sorority-related or not).

CatStarESP4 · #4 08-04-2003, 01:48 AM

I agree with 33girl, introduce him to your sisters in small groups. That way, he gets to know them and eventually feel comfortable with all of them when they are together. Double or triple dating is a wonderful suggestion for starters. Good luck!

Munchkin03 · #5 08-04-2003, 02:12 AM

Story of my life! You could have been describing me and Mr. Munchkin to a T.

My best suggestion is to introduce him to your sisters gradually. We started dating right before I was initiated and our house was small, so he met the 10 of us very quickly (sometimes you need guys to pick up stuff and help out). When I was a counselor, some of the freshmen sisters lived in my hallway, so he knew them before they joined...in fact, he would talk to them during the Rush silence when I couldn't!

Even now, over three years later, he's not as comfortable around my independent friends (whom he met first) than my sisters, but that's not really a big deal.

Also, be patient. I know it's exciting to have a new guy who you want to show off, but you certainly don't want to overwhelm him and make him do stuff he doesn't want to. That's not to say that you should sacrifice your own social life with your sisters out of his discomfort.

Best of luck!

Optimist Prime · #6 08-04-2003, 05:45 PM

introduce him to one and then a smaller get together with two or three more so if you're talking to them, he will at least know one of them and not feel so isolated and alone. I should be the next ann landers.

IheartMATT806 · #7 08-05-2003, 07:23 PM

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I was in the same situation when I first introduced my boy to my sisters. It was the same deal with the drinking kinda shy boy "thing." I just told him how it is important to meet the people who mean so much to me and it goes both ways. I wanted to show off my man to my sisters and my sisters to my man!! At first I dragged him with me to little get togethers where things were chill and not hectic. Once he got used to the crowd that I run with, I took him along to some parties and now I know that he is comfy enough to hang with just about anyone in just about any setting. I just eased my boyfriend into the sitution and things worked out fine!

SDTSarah · #8 08-05-2003, 10:02 PM

Oh my God! I know exactly what you mean! My boyfriend also looks MUCH older than he is and is a little uncomfortable around my sisters. I feel you!

browncat · #9 08-08-2003, 12:45 PM

OK here is the deal... Do you like him? If so, do what he likes sometimes. If he wants to go to KFC one night, don't act like you are missing out on something. Then, he will be able to go w/ you on other nights and not act so shy. I am sure he can find someone to talk to. Don't take him to a formal and then ditch him and expect him to have fun. If you want to date a schmoozer who can work the room, then date one. This guy sounds like a nice guy though... pretty genuine. Also, when he gets together w/ his boys some time and wants you to go... go. Even if they are just sitten around watching "Ride w/ Funkmaster Flex" like my friends will be doing once it starts on SPike TV. Yes, the Men's Network. You might have to sit and bear through the MEn's network for this guy... LOL Anyway, just try to be cool w/ him and he will go with you when you want him too. Sometimes sorority girls (no offense) can tend to be extremely abrasive when they are like freshman and sophmores. I think it is because they think they have to be so "social" and "friendly" and they would scare me too. Tell your friends to ease up on a brother. He can deal w/out being introduced to like 50 girls in the 1st 5 min.

AlphaXi4983 · #10 08-09-2003, 12:26 AM

hahaha thank you all so much

i took him out with a sister and her bf and he seemed kinda scared by her, but he thought she was cool and warmed up to them by the end of the night. thank you all for your advice!