Maybe you guys can help...

[Kallima]

So I took a couple classes over the summer and met this guy in one of them. I'm going to call him R. Anyway, I was totally bored and R sat next to me... before I knew it we would be flirting through out the entire class (class was 4.5 hours long 2 days a week for 5 weeks)... anyway. Right after class he went to India for 3 weeks.
I was the first person he called when he got back. We had lunch and ended up spending the whole day together talking. Then we hung out a few nights after that. We went to a movie and then spent a few hours talking. While I was with him I realized I didn't want to date him.
Then he kissed me.
And I knew for a fact I didn't want to date him- it was like kissing my brother (excuse the cliche- and not that I've ever kissed my brother, but you get what I mean, right?)... not romantic or arousing at all...

So the problem is, he acts like we are a couple... like we skipped the whole dating phase of the relationship and headed straight into the talking every night and expecting to hang out during all free hours. He wanted me to get up early the other day to have breakfast with him because he was going to be busy that night... I DON'T get up early for anyone.
He called tonight and left me a long ass voice mail about not having talked to me in a couple of days (its Tuesday, I talked to him sunday...) and he wants me to stop by his work tomorrow so he can see me...
AHHHHH
I don't know what to say to him that isn't going to hurt his feelings. I would totally like him to still be my friend... even if he wasn't going to be in 2 of my classes this semester. Hes a very sweet guy, but I just don't like him like that...
Does anyone have an idea as to what I can say to him? And when? I definately can't talk to him about it while hes at work... but I don't want to drag this out any longer either...

[Kallima]

It occurred to me that you don't know I'm a sister... I posted my intro, but maybe you haven't read that yet...
Anyway... I'm an alum from UNC-Charlotte... the Theta Mu chapter.

[alphaiota]

first off, welcome to the site.

i think you need to meet with him and just set things straight. tell him how you feel. i think he'll understand.

shelley j
sigma k

[_Lisa_]

Welcome!

When I first read your post I realized that I'm probably in a similar situation right now, but from his perspective! The situation is a little different (as this guy & I have been friends for almost 3 years & we spend every day together) but you've just got to be honest w/ him. Sometimes when I feel like my friend is sending me signals (like "I want to date you seriously" signals) I will usually approach him about it & tell him that if we want to remain friends we should take it back a few steps. I would guess that your friend isn't as intuitive or maybe he just doesn't want to be but you've got to be honest! And if you want to remain good friends I would drop the "I just want to be friends" line...it just sends the wrong message! Don't you just wish that words would always mean what they are supposed to mean?

Good luck!

[Kallima]

Thank you both for responding...
I talked to him yesterday and told him that I thought him better as a friend than a boyfriend... he took it very well. I guess he was having similar thoughts because of his religious and family backgrounds being so different from mine. He realized it would never work in the long run. Of course, that means he still likes me like that, but hes ok with us not being together.

I have a very bad cold right now, so I really just wanted to tell him and have him go home, but he insisted on staying for an hour and a half. I tried dropping hints, I don't feel good, I should go lay down.. etc... but he wouldn't catch on. Finally I told him he really needed to go and he got all pouty. I guess he had done all his errands while I was at work so he could spend the whole night hanging out with me, and becuase I was sick I was messing up his plans. He was very selfish about the whole thing. Made me realize I had done the right thing... No man of mine will be that inconsiderate to my needs

[PSUSigKap]

good job! honestly is definately the best policy!

ps. welcome to the board!!