boyfriend and greek life

lilkel244 · #1 05-09-2003, 02:13 AM

So here is the story...I got to school in Connecticut and my boyfriend of 4 years goes to school in Colorado. I am a founding sister of a DZ chapter here and so far he has been ok with the whole thing. I have been in for a year. Now that he is coming home for the summer, all of a sudden he doesnt want me to be in a sorority, he keeps bashing them and calling me a 'sorosititute' and other awful things. This is really starting to get to me. I'm not sure how to handle it because he has not said anything in the year that I have been involved until now....does anyone else have a boy or girlfriend agaist greek life who has any advice!

Kevin · #2 05-09-2003, 03:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lilkel244
So here is the story...I got to school in Connecticut and my boyfriend of 4 years goes to school in Colorado. I am a founding sister of a DZ chapter here and so far he has been ok with the whole thing. I have been in for a year. Now that he is coming home for the summer, all of a sudden he doesnt want me to be in a sorority, he keeps bashing them and calling me a 'sorosititute' and other awful things. This is really starting to get to me. I'm not sure how to handle it because he has not said anything in the year that I have been involved until now....does anyone else have a boy or girlfriend agaist greek life who has any advice!

What are his specific objections? If he's just calling you names that seems a little immature.

nauSIGGY · #3 05-09-2003, 04:03 AM

kinda weird that a BF of after four years is changing just because you are in a sorority. if their are any girls from your chapter that live near you, introduce him to them. the only way to prove him wrong is to prove him how much they and your organization means to you. and if he is still being weird, then i dont know...

AchtungBaby80 · #4 05-09-2003, 09:56 AM

I had a boyfriend like that. Notice the key word is HAD...

AZpinkkittie · #5 05-09-2003, 10:08 AM

Well, I'm kinda in the same boat. My Boyfriend of 3 1/2 years is pretty much against greek life all around (he thinks they're full of bitchy clones, and are only there to mold others into more bitchy clones

) and he doesn't like the idea of me rushing. I've talked to him about it, and even though he's against it, he's said that he's not going to love me any less if I do join one. Your boyfriend sounds like maybe he feels threatened by your involvement. It was ok when he wasn't in town, but now that he's coming back, maybe he thinks you won't have any time for him so he has to bash it. I would definitely have a talk with him to let him know that just because your involved doesn't mean that he's left behind. The fact that the name calling only began recently leads me to think that he might not be as anti-greek as he wants you to think. But hey, if after you talk to him you find out he really is, maybe you should think about how much you want to be with a guy who calls you a prostitute ( if not in exactly those terms) just for being involved with a group of girls...just a thought

33girl · #6 05-09-2003, 10:10 AM

Ask him what his problem is, and if he can't discuss whatever concerns or fears (e.g., you're going to dump him for a fraternity guy, it takes too much time, you're going to flunk out, etc) he has in a constructive and adult manner, just inform him that he won't need to date a "sorostitute" any longer.

P.S. ....guys often like to blame things like your sorority for what they consider problems in the relationship, when it is just you growing and changing. That is, the sorority is a symptom, not the cause.

RockChalk · #7 05-09-2003, 10:24 AM

Anyone who calls you names doesn't deserve your company. Dump him.

AlphaFrog · #8 05-09-2003, 10:26 AM

I totally understand where you're coming from....my boyfriend's in the "paying for friends" school of anti-greek. I figured if he wanted to leave me over something like that it wasn't worth it. If the relationship isn't strong enough to stand up to something like this...it's never going to make it in the long run anyway.

GMUBunny · #9 05-09-2003, 12:38 PM

My ex was so inherent on me applying to college and making something out of myself. Then, when I got in and started attending classes he changed. He wanted me around all the time (and I mean every spare minute, even if it meant skipping class) but I lived on campus, 20 minutes or more from his house. Things were okay for a while and then I pledged in the spring. The poo really hit the fan then. He said "but you promised me you wouldn't join a sorority" (which is so not true) and always gave me crap about it. Whenever I had an event, he would always talk me into not going and then make me feel guilty for not being there later on. The final straw came at formal in November when he said he didn't want to go to my formal because he hates everything Zeta. I told him fine, that I would find another date (and I did). All of a sudden he wanted everything to do with my sisters, while still claiming he'd be miserable. Anyway, I went to formal with a guy one of my sisters set me up with, left my bf, and am now a happy woman. Any guy who calls you names or makes you feel bad isn't worth it!!! It took me 3 years to realize that he was holding me back. My grades suffered and I wasn't nearly as involved with Zeta as I could have been, and I'm paying for it now. Do what makes you happy!

LXAAlum · #10 05-09-2003, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AlphaFrog
I totally understand where you're coming from....my boyfriend's in the "paying for friends" school of anti-greek.

Someone on GC has the best tagline for that "paying for friends" crap:

If I had to pay for my friends, I didn't pay near enough!

So, this boyfriend (I'd emphasis the BOY portion based on what the originator of the thread has described it) goes to school here in Colorado...any chance it's Fort Loser (Lewis)? If so, that explains a lot of his perceptions....

astroAPhi · #11 05-09-2003, 01:32 PM

If your boyfriend is calling you a sorostitute, I'm sorry, but he's a complete jerk and totally disrespecting you. I don't care what his reasons are... if you care about someone you don't call them names like a 5 year old.

honeychile · #12 05-09-2003, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl

P.S. ....guys often like to blame things like your sorority for what they consider problems in the relationship, when it is just you growing and changing. That is, the sorority is a symptom, not the cause.

Amen to that! Also, I would agree with all those who said that dating a boy who calls you names isn't too cool.

My fiance went to a college (and now works there) that doesn't have GLOs. While we were at dinner one night, he asked me why I was so gung ho about my sorority. I thought a moment or two, then told him:

1) I made a lifelong commitment. Making that commitment made me better prepared for *other* lifelong commitments.
2) I learned how to balance my time, schoolwork, and need to be involved in charity work in one fell swoop.
3) My sisters have been there for me much more so than anyone else I can name (I think I told him that best friends will be angry at someone who hurts you bad, but sorority sisters will help you hide the body!)
4) I believe in my sorority's Creed - every word of it.
5) My sorority has a lifelong foundation for the support of not just college women, but for any sister who is in need.

etc, etc.

Being able to come up with that list so quickly was good for MY soul, and helped him better understand when I need to "go play sorority girl".

Knowledge = Power. Always.

lilkel244 · #13 05-09-2003, 04:14 PM

He goes to the University of Colorado at Boulder

White_Chocolate · #14 05-09-2003, 04:55 PM

boys are stupid
throw rocks at them

lilkel244 · #15 05-09-2003, 05:46 PM

He is upset because he thinks its going to "change me" because i am kinda of a free spirit art student and hes afraid I am going to become a typical sorority girl he sees in movies. He is so threatened by the time i spend with my sisters. I just want him to understand! His other problem is that I used to be very very anti-Greek life when I got to college, and he thinks I have been brainwashed or something. Can I please throw rocks at him??? hheheheh