Married Men . . .

[CrimsonTide4]

Scenario:
You are good friends with a married man. You too often spend time together and for some reason, you have developed STRONG feelings for him.


What do you do?



Me myself and I would pray those feelings away and distance myself from my friend. I know that those feelings would not be ordained by God.

[Love_Spell_6]

First of all, I wouldn't be spending a lot of time with a married man in a social context. I feel very strongly about this. I despise it when men/women date someone that they know is married. I highly value the institution of marriage, and would therefore never put myself in the situation where I could develop feelings for a married man. But if I did....It the thought of what goes around comes around would be enough to slap me back into reality.

I had a friend that "dated" a guy that was married, and she rationalized it saying that HE was cheating on his wife...SHE wasn't doing anything wrong. She liked the fact that he didnt sweat her because he had obligations, and she liked the fact that she could call him when SHE wanted "some." Its sad, but I know more and more women who ONLY date married men or men in relationships for these reasons...

[CrimsonTide4]

I understand your point Soror Love Spell and agree with you.

To clarify or to put a spin on it: what if it is a guy who you have been friends with for years, not just someone who you meet after they are married and then become friends with that person. Not trying to excuse it AT ALL, but just want to clarify that this is not a situation where a woman intentionally seeks out the married man.

But again, if I found myself ever in a situation where I found myself falling for another woman's man -- be he married, engaged, or what have you -- I will be spending some serious time praying those feelings away.

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
I understand your point Soror Love Spell and agree with you.

To clarify or to put a spin on it: what if it is a guy who you have been friends with for years, not just someone who you meet after they are married and then become friends with that person. Not trying to excuse it AT ALL, but just want to clarify that this is not a situation where a woman intentionally seeks out the married man.

But again, if I found myself ever in a situation where I found myself falling for another woman's man -- be he married, engaged, or what have you -- I will be spending some serious time praying those feelings away.

Soror I would have to take myself out of the situation. I wouldn't be able to look Myself in the mirror if I gave into those feelings. Some things I just feel really strongly about...and this is one of them. I would take comfort in knowing God would bless me for sticking to my morals and respecting the marriage. Its so easy to give into the temptations of the flesh...and much harder to be strong and walk away.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by Love_Spell_6
Soror I would have to take myself out of the situation. I wouldn't be able to look Myself in the mirror if I gave into those feelings. Some things I just feel really strongly about...and this is one of them. I would take comfort in knowing God would bless me for sticking to my morals and respecting the marriage. Its so easy to give into the temptations of the flesh...and much harder to be strong and walk away.

TOTALLY!!!
I want to be blessed. I know I sin enough as it is but some things I am just not going to willingly do.

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
TOTALLY!!!
I want to be blessed. I know I sin enough as it is but some things I am just not going to willingly do.

Girl u aint lying!!

[delph998]

CT4, been there, done that. It's not a good situation. I had a crush on a guy for years and apparently he did too. I didn't find out about it (the crush) until he was in a relationship. We fell out of touch, then got back in touch, and that was when he was married.

He's called me since and said that he still has feelings for me, but I had to totally remove myself from that situation. I still care for this guy and would love to see him, but I know me--

So pray those feelings away girl. Shoot, I'll help you..."In the name of Jesus, I bind that demon..."

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by delph998
So pray those feelings away girl. Shoot, I'll help you..."In the name of Jesus, I bind that demon..."

I ain't got feelings for nary a married or engaged man. I ONLY have feelings for MY MAN!!

[AKA2D '91]

I'd step away.

A few months back, I met this guy (a soror's in-law). We all were kicking it and having a great time. We both sense feelings. He knows he is engaged, I don't know at this point. After he reveals to me he is engaged:

1. I congratulated him on his upcoming nuptials
2. I told him, I wasn't LIKE THAT
3. I said I respect his fiancee', because that could be ME in the reversed situation.
4. Karma is a byatch, therefore, I wouldn't want something similar OR worse to happen to me or those close around me.
5. If he cheated on her to be with me, he will cheat on me to be with someone else.

I also distanced myself from him. I told him to remain focused on what he had with his future wife and not let a few social outings (with others) cloud your judgement. However, if it was meant for us to be together, then that will occur. So far, it hasn't and I'm with someone else. I learned that when one door closes, another opens. Boy, did it open.

Do not ever sell yourself short. If ole boy is married and is trying to 'holla', he is DISRESPECTFUL PERIOD! Don't EVER sell yourself short, not for a piece of (private parts). Basically, that's all he wants. After he gets you, he's going to discuss you across the table from his boys and you'll become a joke.

DATING MARRIED MEN= DRAMA! LEAVE IT ALONE!

disclaimer- I've never been in a relationship with a married man, but IT'S WRONG!

Tell him to flirt and holla when you see the divorce decree!

[delph998]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
I ain't got feelings for nary a married or engaged man. I ONLY have feelings for MY MAN!!

My bad CT4...I read the HC thread and I figured that's where you got that. I'm SORRY!!!

[CrimsonTide4]

I posted THIS topic because of the how comes. That's all. No need to apologize. I just wanted to clarify before folks started praying that I get the adultery monkey off of my back. I started this topic out of concern that a SF was contemplating being with a married man.

[blackerican]

Being married myself I must post something. My husband has female friends that he had before we married and one that he met after we were married. I feel that any FRIEND OF MY HUSBAND IS A FRIEND OF MINE TOO!!!!!!! These friends also know their "place" in the grand scheme of his life. If I'm not familiar with a certain woman that my husband might know...then he & I talk about the situation. And one of two things happens...either they are introduced to me and we become friends (when I say "friends" I mean that they might call once and a while and do lunch or something) or they get ghost!!!!!! My husband and I have always communicated about everything and whenever one of us feels a certain way we resolve the situation right away!!!!!!

[FLKING]

Originally posted by blackerican
Being married myself I must post something. My husband has female friends that he had before we married and one that he met after we were married. I feel that any FRIEND OF MY HUSBAND IS A FRIEND OF MINE TOO!!!!!!! These friends also know their "place" in the grand scheme of his life. If I'm not familiar with a certain woman that my husband might know...then he & I talk about the situation. And one of two things happens...either they are introduced to me and we become friends (when I say "friends" I mean that they might call once and a while and do lunch or something) or they get ghost!!!!!! My husband and I have always communicated about everything and whenever one of us feels a certain way we resolve the situation right away!!!!!!

Girl I am not even married and I hear you loud and clear on the above statement. My cousin got married 4 years ago and his best man was a Woman. This girl has been close with my cousin since they were six. My cousin's wife can't accept the relationship because she is beautiful for one and for two they spend soooo much time together it really is a shame. But that his how they have been for as long as I can remember. She did express her feelings for my cousin years back and he simply told her that she was the sister he never had and he would never but their relationship in harms way. And from what I can see, she took what he said and has never crossed that line ever again.

If it were me.. I would pray that the feelings be taken away and I would distance myself, but not totally remove myself.

[AKADIVA12]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
[B]Scenario:
You are good friends with a married man. You too often spend time together and for some reason, you have developed STRONG feelings for him.


What do you do?



Run!!!!!! Remove yourself from the situation. You're playing with fire and you WILL get burned.

[delph998]

What is cheating?

If a married man/woman hooked up with a person of the opposite sex and they didn't have sex, is that cheating still?

I was reading this article in Essence and it talked a little about this. I wanna hear your thoughts...