"High Maitenance?"

[jennybloch]

I've heard this phrase used so many times, but it seems that everyone defines it differently. A friend refered to a woman the other day as high maitenance, but I seemed to have a different opinion of what that meant than my friend. What do you all think?

[Jadey28]

In my opinion, high maintenance is someone who has to have everything their way. Like at work, they have to be the best and if something doesn't go the way they would like it to, they let you know. In a relationship, they complain until they get every last thing they want and they have to make sure their relationship is flawless. A high maintenance person is never happy with what they have and they always want more than they can get. (I hope all of this makes sense.)

[twinstars]

I would take it to mean a woman who's really prissy about her appearance... like she always has the latest expensive, cute clothes, full makeup always on for 8am classes, hair always blown out and looking freshly cut/hilighted.

The kind of girl who would rather die than go camping for the weekend.

The kind of girl who owns a million pairs of heels, but not a single pair of running shoes.

Basically, her "upkeep" is pretty expensive and time-consuming.

[sigmagrrl]

I've been called high maintenance and I am....emotionally. I basically have trust issues, so I expect to be lied to, so until you prove to me that I can trust you, I do think you are fishing for something or out strictly for your own interests/pleasure. I also required LOTS of reassurance and validation of feelings. I know this has to change, but once your have had MAJOR trust violations in life, you are more prone to be suspicious. I also found that I was lied to or had "sins of omissions" committed against me by the ex and this is what made me go off more times than needed and there weren't any issues. I am learning that each man is different and comes with a clean slate, not the sins of his ENTIRE gender....

Make sense.

[James]

No no no no ladies you have it wrong lol

It has very little to do if the woman is prissy or opinionated or has a lot of personal preferences per se.

It has everything to do with how much the woman's sense of the above impacts everyone around them.

So for example, lets say it takes you two hours to put yourself together before going out, if the guy never has to wait for you, you are never late, and he doesn't have to reconstruct his day because it takes you two hours to reconstruct your face, you are not high maintainence.

But if your attitude and actions limit or make the people around you jumpy, then you are high maintainence.

For food, special ordering is ok, but special ordering beyond the restaraunts ability to cope, or driving your server nuts, or requiring that you go to another eating establishment is high maintainence.

[Betarulz!]

James hits on it pretty well.

I'd say that high maitenance is more along the lines of having expectations that are difficult for anyone to reach.

Example: Girl in HS that I briefly started going out with...

We worked together, and so if I got off earlier than her, she either wanted me to help her with her duties, or she would immediately take a break at the same time so that we could hang out for the entire 30 minutes of her break (which she often extended to as much as an hour). Now that was fine if I didn't have anything to do after work. However there were several times in our brief period of getting together, where I had major commitments that I would be late for if I didn't leave right then...She'd get mad and think I was ditching her, b/c I didn't "want" to spend time with her (it was that I couldn't, not that I didn't want to). Another thing that she kept getting angry at me for was phone calls. If I didn't call when she wanted me to, she got mad at me, thing was she didn't tell me when I should call. She NEVER once picked up the phone and called me when she wanted to talk to me...Her exact line to me was that I should just get a sense that she wanted to talk to me if we had true chemistry...riiight.

So that is a girl who is high maitenence relationship material.

[jennybloch]

I understand what I'm hearing...it's funny how guys and gals have different views on what the term means. I can see where someone could be emotionally high maintenanced or just that way in general...I know I personally am more emotionally inclined to needing more than in general life...like, I own only running shoes, no high heels, I wear a baseball cap to class because it's just CLASS! And I never send food back because it wasn't prepared the right way. But I do like to get my way...but who doesn't?

Keep it coming!

[James]

I generally "get my way". Being high maintainence is the amount of crushing or manipultions of others.

High maintainence is not Win/Win, its usually means that the other person has to lose/sacrifice something.

ITs an attitude that leads to behaviors.


Same with emotional needs. It depends on how much you burden other people, or inflict yourself on other people.

Originally posted by jennybloch
I understand what I'm hearing...it's funny how guys and gals have different views on what the term means. I can see where someone could be emotionally high maintenanced or just that way in general...I know I personally am more emotionally inclined to needing more than in general life...like, I own only running shoes, no high heels, I wear a baseball cap to class because it's just CLASS! And I never send food back because it wasn't prepared the right way. But I do like to get my way...but who doesn't?

Keep it coming!

[Kevin]

To put it in a brief and cogent manner... for me, high maintenance describes a person who even when you are willing to make huge personal sacrifices, they still want more.

[Munchkin03]

I'd say I'm high-maintenance, but not in the way of interpersonal relationships. I think it's extremely arrogant to be chronically late and I am hella laid-back when it comes to eating, so I'm not a restaurant bia... There are only a few situations in which it's my way or the highway.

But, this is why I think I'm high maintenance. It takes A LOT to keep up a Munchkin. Between waxing, hair, and manicure appointments, my salon knows me well. I'm very picky and meticulous when it comes to my personal appearance, so I guess when it's "high maintenance", it takes a lot to maintain me, but it's self-maintenance. Does that make sense?

[CrimsonTide4]

I just took a High Maintenance Quiz (see Cool Sites forum for QUIZ) and this is what they said about HIGH MAINTENANCE:

To be high maintenance means that you need a lot of attention, whether it be physically, emotionally or materially. High maintenance individuals tend to put their own needs and desires above those of everyone else in their life, and expect other people to do the same.

There are many ways that someone can be high maintenance. The primary way is in romantic relationships or friendships. The major characteristics of someone who is high maintenance are:

In general, being demanding of other people, particularly significant others.
Setting unrealistic standards for others to meet.
Expecting other people to pay an inordinate amount of attention to you.
Expecting other people to do things for you without your having to ask.
Expecting other people to listen to you whenever you desire to speak.
Getting angry, jealous, or resentful when other people don't make you their top priority.
An excessive concern with physical appearance or material objects.
Being high maintenance may be fine for you, but it can be extremely difficult for the people in your life. There are some things you can do to try to be lower your maintenance requirements:

Occasionally let other people decide what the plans are going to be.
Don't ask or expect others to drop everything to meet your needs.
Don't worry so much about physical appearances.
Learn to be more self-sufficient.
Be more understanding if people don't meet your expectations.
Do things for other people, without them having to ask.
Additional Reading:
Parrott, L., III (1997). High Maintenance Relationships. Tyndale House Publishers.

Parrott, L. and Parrott, L., III (1998). Relationships Workbook: An Open and Honest Guide to Making Bad Relationships Better and Good Relationships Great. Zondervan Publishing House.

Phillips, M. and Comfort, M. (1996). The A to Zen of Life Maintenance: Mapping the Emotional Mind. Element Publishers.

Pirsig, R.M. (1984). Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values. Bantam Books.

[KappaTarzan]

its not high maintenance it's high quality!!!!!!!!!!!

haha that is one of my (very) high maintenance sisters' mottos.. i personally am of rather medium maintenance status..

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I am not high maintenance. I am very easygoing and accomodating.

[LeslieAGD]

I think I fit the "When Harry Met Sally" definition:

H - There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
S - Which one am I?
H - You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance, but you think you're low maintenance.
S - I don't see that.
H - (explanation)..."On the side" is a very big thing for you.