He cheated

bethany1982 · #1 09-22-2003, 10:21 PM

What would you do if you found out that your significant other had cheated on you? It was a one night thing ( I think) and happened several months before I found out. I don't want to be a bit#h, but this is getting to me. We broke up for a while over the Summer, before I knew about this. We've been back together for a few weeks. I'm not sure what to think. Once a cheater, always a cheater... or ?

socialbutterfly · #2 09-22-2003, 10:29 PM

girrrl...been there. I would like to say that everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but sometimes that's not always true.

I gave my guy that chance and he stayed faithful for a while...and then he strayed AGAIN.

I think you need to find out WHY he cheated....if someone is in a relationship they value, and they love the other person, there is NO reason for them to go somewhere else. A moment of weakness shows that his respect for you wasn't his voice of reason when he needed it most, which means he might not listen to it again if you let it go.

I think cheating on someone is telling both people that you're not happy with what you have and that means you can't make the other person happy either.

As much as it might hurt....I think you should let go now...if you let it go, you might never REALLY let it go. You'll alwasy suspect what he does, where he goes, what he says, who's he with, etc, etc, etc. and you really don't want to live like that do you......

texas*princess · #3 09-22-2003, 10:31 PM

Story time!

When I was a sophomore in high school, the guy I was dating was apparently dating another girl in a nearby town at the same time.. I found out of course!

We tried to work through it but I could never trust him again.. even in the smallest little things, so I finally just ended it once & for all.

Moral of the story: It is probably something you will always think about

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through! If you want to talk, feel free to pm me

valkyrie · #4 09-22-2003, 11:01 PM

In my world, if someone cheats, that's the end. Period.

When I was in college, I had a boyfriend who cheated on me. I tried to work it out and stay with him even though I knew better, thinking that I could "get over it" but I realized very quickly that I never would so I dumped his ass and I'm glad I did.

FiReKraCkEr · #5 09-22-2003, 11:19 PM

I say

3X4 anyone????

AXJules · #6 09-22-2003, 11:36 PM

Sweetie, I'm sorry.

Two things.
1) keep in mind that the circumstances around it are shady, sounds like you don't really know if you were together or not when it happened. Some ppl's definitions of that are messed up.
2) Regardless of whether he actually did anything wrong or not, you shouldn't have to put yourself through the doubt and mental frustration you're probably going to experience. You can tell yourself to get over something but the subconscious mind is a bitch.

Munchkin03 · #7 09-22-2003, 11:52 PM

I don't tolerate infidelity in my relationships. Things are just too risky nowadays to have someone who's doing stuff on the DL. Once the trust is betrayed, there's no way to fully restore it.

ShaedyKD · #8 09-23-2003, 12:00 AM

I went to a great seminar by the "Dating Doctor" David Coleman at this past year's SEPC (South Eastern Panhellenic Conference). During his talk, he answered many frequently asked relationship questions. One of them being "Why do men cheat?" His answer: Because they know women will take them back. He then encouraged all of us to do better for ourselves, and never take a cheater back. If you do, he will cheat over and over again, knowing that you will always take him back.

I am truly sorry though, I know how it feels. My advice is to spend some time with good friends who will cheer you up and remind you that you deserve the very best!

bethany1982 · #9 09-23-2003, 12:24 AM

Thank you all! I know what I need to do, but it's really hard right now. I guess I'll just come out and tell him tomorrow night. I hate this. Thanks everyone.

ADPiSAI · #10 09-23-2003, 12:40 AM

I've had more than my share of experience with cheaters...
But no matter what they say, no matter how many times they apologise, whatever, they don't get second chances from me. It messes up the trust, and trust is absolutely necessary in a relationship.

#11 09-23-2003, 12:41 AM

Trust me when I say that I've been on the crappy end of relationships. I kept on giving in and in my delusional mind I thought that he was going to change.

Riiiight.

If you do care about him, there's nothing wrong with being friends. And if he truly cares about you then he'll accept it and be your friend too. If, in the long run, you're the ONLY one he wants to be with, it'll happen.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst...but expect NOTHING.

Imthachamp · #12 09-23-2003, 12:48 AM

once a cheater always a cheater. no one deserves a second chance...especially when it comes to trust.

ditch him.

Rudey · #13 09-23-2003, 01:06 AM

I say light his bed on fire or at the very least take all his sheets so he's screwed at night.

-Rudey
--No cheating in this playa's book!

bethany1982 · #14 09-23-2003, 01:10 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
I say light his bed on fire or at the very least take all his sheets so he's screwed at night.

-Rudey
--No cheating in this playa's book!

Damn! LOL.... You're forgiven. Oppps, wrong thread. Thanks Rudey.

SigkapAlumWSU · #15 09-23-2003, 04:25 AM

Ditch him ditch him ditch him. He doesn't deserve you.