What does it all mean???

Lady Pi Phi · #1 05-15-2003, 10:09 AM

Okay, so let me ask all of this...

A boy I have been "dating" on and off for 2 years came back from Cuba on sunday. So we have a nice chat about who his trip was and then out of the blue he makes the point of stating to me that even though he had plenty of opportunity to "fool around" with multipal girls while he was in Cuba he didn't. So I'm thinking, okay, thanks for sharing. I'm not sure why he told me this? It's not like we're together. He can be with whom ever he wants. So I ask him why he didn't fool around with anyone, and all he says was, "just 'cause".
Okay, so what does this mean? I didn't push it any further, but the way I interpreted this was that he had a real reason but he didn't want to tell ME what it was. I don't understand him. What do you guys think it means?

Lady Pi Phi · #2 05-15-2003, 11:37 AM

No one has any insight?

ilovemyglo · #3 05-15-2003, 11:49 AM

I've done soemthgn similar-
basically saying "i could have been with other people, but I wasn't and that is partly because of you... so keep that in mind in case you were a skank- cause i wasn't"

texas*princess · #4 05-15-2003, 11:52 AM

I'm no relationship expert, but I think it can mean 1 of 2 things:

1. He really likes you enough that maybe he didn't fool around w/ anyone else because he wants to take your relationship 'to the next level' (and by telling you what he told you it was your little clue)

=OR=

2. He actually did fool around with girls there, but put up the defensive and told you he didn't just in case you cared.

*hehehe* OK, so I'm not professional, but that's what I think

Boys are weird and mysterious.. I don't think we'll ever figure them all out. Have you noticed that for every ONE relationship question on these boards that come from a guy asking about a girl, there are 500 questions on the boards coming from a girl asking about guys?

See? We'll never figure 'em out

AZpinkkittie · #5 05-15-2003, 12:03 PM

He's doing the whole "I don't want a relationship if you don't" thing. He didn't fool around with anyone (or wants you to think he didn't) because he wants to see more of you, but wants to save face as a freeloving guy, and doesn't want to freak you out if you don't want more out the relationship. He's skirting the issue so you don't run away. I say if you want more out of him, he's giving you some prety good signals that he's up for it, or at least up for talking about it.

Lady Pi Phi · #6 05-17-2003, 01:27 AM

So, boy asks me to come see him this weekend. I'm like okay. I do like and I haven't seen him in a while. We talked briefly last night, but didn't make any solid plans (we don't live in the same city, but we're only an hour and a half away from each other). Solid plans are a must in this case, because I can't be spontanious and go whenever because I don't drive. It's bus for me. Anyway, he said he would talk to me today...yet no word. I have left several messages for him, and he hasn't returned my calls. I left a message for him on ICQ, amd I know he's there because I did it has soon as I saw him sign in. He's not talking to me. For the love of God what is his problem!???! One minute he acts as if he wants a relationship and the next minute he's like whatever. I don't understand him. He's going to stand me up, and he's don this several times. I know I shouldn't put up with this crap, and any other guy I wouldn't, so I don't understand this whole situation. Help me please. He is stupid...I should throw rocks at him.

swissmiss04 · #7 05-17-2003, 01:30 AM

Or, he's just trying to bring out the green eyed monster. If he can make you jealous or defensive, then he's more likely to get what he wants. He's trying to say "See what a hot commodity I am? Invest in me more, baby!" Sort of a wimpy way of beating around the bush.

James · #8 05-17-2003, 01:06 PM

WOW. You ladies are . . . hmm . . . how to put it gently? Delusional about men lol.

I see why you trip up. You read WAY more into things than are actualy there.

You think we are being complex, subtle or devious, when we really are not.

sororitygirl2 · #9 05-17-2003, 01:12 PM

I don't give most men a whole lot of credit these days... so my theory is:

He may be trying to keep you there, hanging on for when he needs/wants you around - when it is convenient for him.

The comment about Cuba (whether it is true or not), could be to show you "hey, I'm a desirable guy that nay girl would be lucky to have" and to make you think "oh, he's so sweet, he must want me." Normally I would think this would be a good situation, but the fact that you have been dating on and off for two whole years (normally if someone is going to commit it is before that) and the fact that you kind of make it sound like this isn't the first time he's blown you off, makes me think the comment was not totally innocent and cute. It's keeping you around and interested, but not too close.

Of course we analyze boys too much, James... it's our job!

librasoul22 · #10 05-17-2003, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
So, boy asks me to come see him this weekend. I'm like okay. I do like and I haven't seen him in a while. We talked briefly last night, but didn't make any solid plans (we don't live in the same city, but we're only an hour and a half away from each other). Solid plans are a must in this case, because I can't be spontanious and go whenever because I don't drive. It's bus for me. Anyway, he said he would talk to me today...yet no word. I have left several messages for him, and he hasn't returned my calls. I left a message for him on ICQ, amd I know he's there because I did it has soon as I saw him sign in. He's not talking to me. For the love of God what is his problem!???! One minute he acts as if he wants a relationship and the next minute he's like whatever. I don't understand him. He's going to stand me up, and he's don this several times. I know I shouldn't put up with this crap, and any other guy I wouldn't, so I don't understand this whole situation. Help me please. He is stupid...I should throw rocks at him.

Um...first of all, you should probably stop stalking him. Generally, not a good thing. If you call him once and he doesn't return a message, why keep calling him?

Second of all, you are asking for advice when you stated in your post that you already know what to do. Why do yu need people to confirm it? Leave the guy alone. He doesn't have a clue what he wants and that isn't your responsibility.

James · #11 05-17-2003, 01:21 PM

I can see where Texas*princess is coming from but if I may ofer a slightly differing guy perspective?

About T*P's point number one. I read lady pi phi's story and nowhere did I get the impression that the boy in question wanted a deeper relationship. Or that it was his desire for a deeper relationship that may have kept him celibate in Cuba.

However, I did get the impression that Lady Pi Phi wants a deeper relationship with the boy and wants/thinks that he desires likewise.

As to T*P's point two: He may have hooked up but if he did he probably wouldn't have said anything at all.

More likely, he didn't hook-up and felt inhibited a little looking around because he is somewhat invovled with you. Maybe even a little guilty.

Then when he got back he felt guilty about NOT hooking up. And probably blames you a little. Which is why he said something to you.

You see guys are strange creatures. We kind of believe that if we don't really try to hook-up with a girl, it means we could have had her if we had tried.

Its an odd assumption, but there you go.

Anyway, thats probably what it meant.

Quote:

Originally posted by texas*princess
I'm no relationship expert, but I think it can mean 1 of 2 things:

1. He really likes you enough that maybe he didn't fool around w/ anyone else because he wants to take your relationship 'to the next level' (and by telling you what he told you it was your little clue)

=OR=

2. He actually did fool around with girls there, but put up the defensive and told you he didn't just in case you cared.

*hehehe* OK, so I'm not professional, but that's what I think
Boys are weird and mysterious.. I don't think we'll ever figure them all out. Have you noticed that for every ONE relationship question on these boards that come from a guy asking about a girl, there are 500 questions on the boards coming from a girl asking about guys? See? We'll never figure 'em out

Lady Pi Phi · #12 05-17-2003, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
However, I did get the impression that Lady Pi Phi wants a deeper relationship with the boy and wants/thinks that he desires likewise.

Yeah, you're right James, I do want a deeper relationship, but if he doesn't I want him to be honest with me, I'm willing to except brutal honesty in this situation.

Quote:

More likely, he didn't hook-up and felt inhibited a little looking around because he is somewhat invovled with you. Maybe even a little guilty.

Then when he got back he felt guilty about NOT hooking up. And probably blames you a little. Which is why he said something to you.

Maybe, but that's not fault. I am always under the assumption that he doesn't want more, and I've even asked him what I am to him, and he always says friends, but then he'll tell me he's been celibate, not once, but several times. If he doesn't want anything from me, why won't he go out and find some other girl? When we've been "off again" he's asked me if I was seeing anyone and I have said yes, and when I ask him he's said no. All I want are some answers from him, and I can' get any from him because he always gets so defensive when I try to talk to him about this. If he doesn't care about being in a relationship with me, why does he tell me he's remained single, didn't hook up when he was in Cuba? What does it all mean. I just want answers.

You know what, I must be insane.

Lady Pi Phi · #13 05-17-2003, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by librasoul22
Um...first of all, you should probably stop stalking him...

Hahahaha, probably. But when I returned home after saying f*** him and going out with my mum, he had left 3 messages for me. It's mutual stalking.

librasoul22 · #14 05-18-2003, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
Hahahaha, probably. But when I returned home after saying f*** him and going out with my mum, he had left 3 messages for me. It's mutual stalking.

Oh, okay, lol. My bad. I was under the impression that you were calling him and he wasn't trying to contact you at all. Carry on, lol.