James and ilovemyglo...

lifesaver · #1 10-04-2001, 05:10 PM

OK, I am substuting the names of two of our good GC buddies to illustrate the story, because I dont want ya'll to think this story is about me, (which it is) but I need your advice on a subject and I wanted to personalize it in GC land, so we'd all feel like we knew the players....

At the end of last semester James was in the computer lab and started throwing the mac on ilovemyglo. He saw her from across the lab, but ilovemyglo initiates conversation. They agree to go out because James discovers that ilovemyglo is into country music (texas style) and drinking and James finds ilovemyglo atractive. So they go out. The first time they go to dinner and then the bar where ilovemyglo's friends hang out. (folowing each other there from the resturaunt) ilovemyglo has a few too many drinks and James tells ilovemyglo not to drive. So James and ilovemyglo take off with James driving. James, being the smooth devil that he is, takes ilovemyglo back to his apt, where they mess around (but no sex). The next morning, James takes ilovemyglo back to where her car is. They talk on the phone and email every now and then. A few weeks later, ilovemyglo sends James an email telling him that her friends are throwing her a birthday party and she wants him to stop by. She does, and James has a good time, and goes to the after party at ilovemyglo's house. James tries to leave, but ilovemyglo convinces him to stay. So it was all cool. James stays and in probably the sexiest night of his life, makes mad shakey crazy love to ilovemyglo, during a thunderstorm, windows open, candles lit, with John Coultrain playing in the background and it definately was the best sex James ever had.

But ilovemyglo has a few issues. Mainly that her family doesnt like her dating till after college and medical school (they foot her bills), and her parents who are religious, would throw a fit if they found out. She even has to hide it from her friends, so James has to pretend that their just friends. James doesnt mind so much 'cause the booty is good. So they hang out a few more times and each time ilovemyglo seems to be feeling a bit guilty about the sex and involvment, which naturally tends to push James away. They havent hung out since, because James' fraternity brothers tell him that ilovemyglo isnt worth the hassle. For a while James agrees, but cant really quit thinking about ilovemyglo. So every now and then they exchange emails, but havent hung out in a while. James never gives it much thought till a wise brother suggested he re-examine the situation, and help ilovemyglo with the problem. James doesnt think ilovemyglo is that into him, but he cant quit thinking about her. James knows the booty call is there if he wants, but might want something more. Which might not even be a possibility.

I think James' problem is that he is afraid he'll totally fall in love with ilovemyglo, but will have to pretend it doesnt exist for 6 more years till she's outta medical school. Also ilovemyglo might not be all that into James. (I know none of us know whats ahead, but James is concerned of the emotional investment and nothing coming of it). So what should James do? James cant just tap that a$$ and be out. Just not built that way.

Thoughts, suggestions? Story does make for a great soap tho...

IowaHawkeye · #2 10-04-2001, 05:26 PM

whoa Lifesaver, James is mine - ilovemyglo best not be giving him emotional scars. ok, totally kidding.

anyway...
In my personal opinion, I am with your brother in saying that you need to re-examine this situation. Don't you owe it to yourself to go after what you want? I'm not just talking in terms of bfs/gfs here - i mean that in every aspect of life. If this girl will make you happy then you owe it to yourself to see if something is there. Maybe ilovemyglo has issues because no one has ever fought for her - so instead of possibly being rejected or becoming emotionally attached and hurt - she says that her family doesn't want her to date until after college and their religious ect. I know so many girls who shelter themselves from ever really experiencing a great relationship just b/c they're unsure of what will become of it.

Do you like this girl? I know you do. From what you just typed, it seems like she likes you too - she doesn't want you to leave, she invites you to parties where her friends will be, you have mad crazy shakey love - it does take two to do that you know. Get this girl to open up to you and tell you whats really behind her excuses - to do that you might have to open up to her and tell her why you want to try and see if something will happen to you.

Point of my rambling : if you want something, go after it, b/c in my opinion, love really is worth it.

Tom Earp · #3 10-04-2001, 05:36 PM

Dang Life, I must not be reading between the Chat Lines!

This sound s serious!!! Is there anything else we should know about? Upcoming nuptuels or a little one on the way?

I for one am greatly concerned about this situation and would like a lot more input before we make a decission to condem them in this elisit love afffiar!!!

I would feel better if they would present themselves to the GC Tribunal and give their side before we burn them at the steak! OOPS that is what I am fixing for dinner, I mean Stake!!!

DGPhoney · #4 10-04-2001, 06:42 PM

James is such a pimp!!! I didn't know you were that smooth James. Anyway to the story at hand , great writing lifesaver.
Like some other people have said , re evaluate the situation and think about what you want out of the situation. If you see something there that you want, go for the gusto, cause if you wait too long it might not be there later.
I wish you the best of luck~DGPhoney~

valkyrie · #5 10-04-2001, 07:46 PM

I have a question -- why does ilovemyglo have to hide the thing with James from her friends? I understand why she has to hide it from her parents, but why hide it from friends?

Lil_G · #6 10-04-2001, 09:00 PM

Damn James was way too descriptive in his story...other than that, is it possible that he could slowly work toward getting on her parent's good side? Let them meet you...err him as a freind and build from there. Eventually maybe she'll work towards (slowly) changing her parent's mind. Of course james has to be smooth with the folks as he was with the missus. Give it a shot - nothing to lose.......well now that i posted one serious reply, back to the craziness.

SoCalGirl · #7 10-04-2001, 10:14 PM

So ilovemyglo's friends aren't aware that she's dating? hmmm I'd say that James needs to stay away because he's already gone through that crap, right? I mean if she's hiding it from her friends, he has to hide it from his just so that it doesn't somehow get back to hers.

Life's to short to play games w/ your heart! You should be able to show off your boyfriend/girlfriend not live in fear of getting caught.

Lots-a-Heart · #8 10-04-2001, 10:41 PM

Even though ilovemyglo's parents pay for school, she might need to get a backbone...I mean 6 years and not dating anyone? Lets be serious about this! Speak up for your rights! Then her and James could see if a relationship (not continuous booty callin') would work

justamom · #9 10-05-2001, 07:52 AM

valkyrie and SoCalGirl make an excellent point. Most girls tell their
closest friends every single detail. One possible reason she wouldn't, would be her actions might appear hypocritical. Another, if some of her friends have ties to her parents. (That's a stretch though.)

If she has the determination and focus to achieve her goals, she very well could be responding to her physical desires but blocking out the emotional tie. If she is in conflict with her belief system, you may make her feel guilty.

Hubby and I dated apx 10 years (off and on) as he was going to prof. school. His parents didn't want us to get married until he finished and said, "We will not pay for your sex life." Maybe there is a chance that her parents would cut her off if she gets deeply involved. She must ask herself if it's worth the risk. Bottom line-I'd step back and wait this one out. At the least, as difficult as it may be, eliminate the sex and see what is really between the two of you. Great sex can cloud anyones feelings and pop into our minds at the oddest moments.

valkyrie · #10 10-05-2001, 12:10 PM

Justamom, I always love what you have to say!

I also agree that ilovemyglo needs to get a backbone and stand up to her parents, at least to some extent. How can her parents actually expect her not to date anyone until she's what, 26 or 27 or however old she'll be once she finishes medical school? Does James really want to be involved with someone with such issues? They probably won't magically go away once ilovemyglo finishes medical school; if her family is that much in control of her, I'm sure they will find other ways to control her later.

If ilovemyglo REALLY liked James, she wouldn't give a flying hoot what her parents and family thought, or she would be willing to lie to them. Love makes us do crazy things. There are people in the world who have dated people and kept it hidden from their families. There are people who have LIVED WITH their significant others for YEARS without their families EVER knowing about it. Trust me, there are ways to get around the family issues if someone really wants to get around them.

Also, she may just be out for the sex with no emotional investment, and James may end up hurt and it's really not worth it if he wants more than that.

I still think the hiding it from the friends part is just weird. If you are into someone, you're not hiding it from your friends. I would tell ilovemyglo who's who and what's what -- like, you know, I really like you but I can't deal with this pretending to be friends stuff -- and if she's not willing to change that, run. There are other people out there that James will like even more (he may not think that's true right now but it is)!

justamom · #11 10-05-2001, 05:26 PM

26 or 27!!! You are so right. I don't know WHY I was thinking of a college girl, 21 MAX! Oh, lifesaver, be careful with this one. You seem soooo sweet and there's that chivalrous side to you as well. Reread what valkyrie said, only the best to you.

Tom Earp · #12 10-05-2001, 05:34 PM

WOW wait a minute my GC Parterners!

Is it that Ilove is a sluute puppett, and James is, or thinks he is a STUD Puppet!?

There has to be much more to this storey! Are they meeting on the side in the back of his vintage 1983 Dodge Butt beater?
I think we Should call on the greatest COP in History, Dick Tracy! No PUN intended!

I really hope there is more to come on these rather soridid tales of perverted sex and violence before it gets to out of hand!!!!!!

justamom · #13 10-06-2001, 11:03 AM

Tom-That was one heck of a post! Laughed all the way through.

SilverTurtle · #14 10-06-2001, 12:27 PM

You are in a sticky situation lifesaver. Here's a true story to kind of put things in perspective (sort of)...

My great-grandparents came from totally different backgrounds... my great-grandma came from a very-well off family. She was going to COLLEGE (which was so, SO uncommon in those days for a woman). My great-grandpa came from a poor family, not enough money to buy more than 1 pair of shoes a year per kid. I'm still not clear on how they even met... BUT they did. And the fell in love.

Well, great-grandma's pop thought that would-be great grandpa was "below" them because of his lack of finances.

He threatened to cut off all of great-grandma's finances, including college, if she even thought of marrying this guy!

Well, since I refer to them as great-grandma and great-grandpa, it should be obvious that they did get married. And were so in love it was unreal... their entire lives.

Unfortunately, great-grandma's father did stay true to his word, she got no money for college or anything else, and I hear it was years before they even spoke to one another.

_____

So, the point of my long story... it is very possible that her family will freak and pull the cash flow, and maybe even their emotional support.

At the same time, it's just possible that you two are supposed to be together (like the new John Cusack film), regardless of her family.

I think JustaMom was dead on with the 'remove the sex' theory. If there's still something there, try telling the friends and then meeting with the folks. (Taking it slowly, not all in a day or anything!) But her parents are not going to respect either of you if you lie to them.. especially for six years! And you have to understand what it means for her to be in school for like 10 years.

I will end my long post with this- a quote from one of my old high school friends:

The only things we regret in life are the chances we didn't take

lifesaver · #15 10-08-2001, 06:05 PM

Valkyrie and justamom, yall give great advice. Against his better judgement, James dropped ilovemyglo an email, to which she responded, and I quote:

Hey James,

What's going on? I have been meaning to email you, so I am glad you are a little quicker than I am. <James now thinking he looked desperate by sending the first email>

Sorry I am just now getting back to you, like you I've been busy. I've been to a few concerts, mostly in Gruene and San Marcos (Cory Morrow, Bruce Robison, Roger Creager, etc).

I've been trying to do some work around the house, in the garden and the like. Maybe these projects will keep me out of trouble for a while - yeah right!

Are you still living alone? How's that going? I need your new phone number!!!

I agree, I think we should meet for a beer or two, so give me a call (still the same number) and let me know what's up!

Take care,
ilovemyglo

So being the weak hearted soul that he is, James will be going out this weekend with ilovemyglo. I have instructed James to be VERY careful with his heart, but he feels he has to explore the relationship further. James was very moved by Silverturtles HS friend who said, "The only things we regret in life are the chances we didn't take." James definately doesnt want to live his life in the shoulda, coulda, woulda frame of reference. Blah Blah Blah....