In honour of St. Patty, from The Onion

[moe.ron]

Irish-American Gear Up For "The Reinforcin' O' The Stereotypes'

BOSTON—Across the nation, Irish-Americans are gearing up for St. Patrick's Day, a day devoted to the wearin' o' the green and the reinforcin' o' the stereotypes.

"It's a great day for the Irish," said Sean Halloran, 34, of Boston. "You can bet that, with the aid of a few pints of Guinness, I'll be celebrating my proud Gaelic heritage by singing 'When Irish Eyes Are Smiling,' getting into bar fights, and urinating in public."

Halloran is just one of millions of Irish-Americans who will spend March 17 celebrating their culture by indulging in every loutish behavior associated with it.

"There's no place like the blessed Emerald Isle," said Staten Island, NY, firefighter Kevin Leary. "Down at Noonan's, the lads and I will be staying up until the wee hours toasting Merry Old Ireland. And vomiting."

Leary declined to comment on his drunken scuffle with fellow pubgoer Seamus Macdougal last St. Patrick's Day over payment for a round of drinks. He did, adopting an Irish brogue, say that "that Macdougal lad" was uncommonly adept at "getting [Leary's] Irish up" on occasion.

He then stood on a table and broke out into a stirring, tearful rendition of "Galway Bay."

"You've never seen anything like St. Patrick's for bringing the Irish out in people," said P.J. O'Doyle, owner and proprietor of O'Doyle's Pub in Pittsburgh. "For one magical night, all the wonderful things you hear in all the grand old stories come true: the glorious thirst for drink, the endless singing, the pining for the fields of lost Erin. And, of course, the inevitable rollicking donnybrook that ends with a beer glass getting smashed over some poor lad's head. It's possibly the most appalling display of seasonal ethnic conformity you're ever likely to see, and that's including Christmas Mass."

"Pride in one's heritage is a complex thing," said Dr. William Shanahan, a sociology professor at the University of Notre Dame. "Immigrant populations, especially those as fully assimilated as the Irish, often take a perverse pride in acting out the stereotypical negative traits associated with their culture while inviting others to join them. As a result, many Irish and non-Irish Americans alike will be drinking to riotous excess this St. Patrick's Day."

"I must admit, we're weak for the demon drink, we are," Shanahan said. "This coming Monday, in bathroom stalls across the land, you will hear the joyous sound of Irishmen shouting, 'Erin go blearrghhh.'"

-www.theonion.com