What do you do when...

[Rio_Kohitsuji]

What do you do when you can't stand your boyfriend's little?

Okay, this is really bugging me and I was hoping you all could help me on this. *sigh*
Well, J is D's very first little....it started out great even...I became pretty close w/him beforehand and was pretty happy when I found out that he was going to be D's little. Pledging came and went and it's now the present. Lately every time I run into J he starts griping at me saying that I take up all of D's time w/him and his bro's. Let's see....I see a maximum of D for 3-4 hours during the week and maybe a day together (if we can find the time) on the weekends. We -both- commute to school and only have 1 class together (we're both Education majors) in which we sit on opposite sides of the room. D goes home at 4:30 to work at his dad's garage and then on thursday through saturday he works the late shift. Somehow....J doesn't understand he (D) can't spend every minute of his day w/him hanging out and etc. I mean...when he sees me and D together he's all nice and whatnot but when he catches me alone he's a complete pain and very very rude. I've finally told D about this the other day and he's pretty ticked about it. He's going to talk to him about the situation especially when the statement of, "I can't wait til pledging starts then we can get you away from him.." Umm...okay...I was the one telling him when the activites were going to be (when the other guys couldn't get ahold of him) and bringing him extra clothes when he had to stay overnight. Yeah..and I'm also the one who made your first letter shirt and got you a TKE-themed present after you got in. *grr* And yeah..when D said, "I only wish I was spending as much time w/you as he says.." Sure...I'm just taking over everything.

I'm sorry this is so long but this is really irritating me. I mean..heck..I was good friends w/him before-during-and shortly thereafter he got in. It feels like I lost a bud and all on top of that. Anyone have this happen to you also?

[texas*princess]

I know exactly what you're talking about!!

This didn't happen with my bf's little but with one of his other brothers. The guy had the nerve to call me my bf's "ball and chain". whatever guy. I took 15 credit hours, and had a job, and it was the semester before my bf graduated, so he wanted to make sure he had a good GPA for grad school, and he was also working. Basically what I did was just plain ignore him. The guy had a stigma for being rude to all the guy's girlfriends. We think it might be because he didn't have a girlfriend of his own? We don't know. But at first it drove me nuts, and I stopped letting it get to me. (which i know is easier said than done.)

[dzrose93]

From what you've posted, it doesn't sound as if you and your boyfriend spend an obscene amount of time together. However, he doesn't seem to be spending much time with his little brother, either, so I can understand why the little bro might be upset.

J shouldn't take his frustrations out on you, but I honestly don't think that getting a lecture from his big bro about the situation is going to help matters. If anything, it's just going to make J resent you more. From J's perspective, you will be the "bad guy" because you've run to D and complained about J's comments. In the end, J will feel as if D has once again picked you over him and matters could get worse instead of better.

My chapter always had the "sisters before misters" policy, and I know that most fraternities also emphasize brotherhood over girlfriends. It's a safe bet to say that J's feelings are probably being echoed by other members of your boyfriend's chapter.

My suggestion would be to sit down and talk to your boyfriend about his current time commitments. Together, take a look at his schedule and see if maybe he is neglecting his brothers (and particularly J) without realizing it. It could be that he isn't mentioning all the work hours that he's putting in at his dad's garage to the rest of the fraternity. And, if they always see you together on campus, they may have the wrong perception and think that it's you taking up all of his free time instead of a job.

When your boyfriend visits J and/or his other fraternity brothers, is it usually with you in tow or does he go alone? If the answer is that you and he normally visit the guys together, then it's probably a good idea to send your bf on solo missions to the fraternity house for a while. Give him some guy-bonding time, and let J get a chance to hang out with his big brother one-on-one. I think that will help ease the tension between you and J a little.

Good luck and keep us updated!

[Rio_Kohitsuji]

texas*princess- Thank gawd someone knows what I'm going through!

dzrose93- Well, on the solo-or coupled brother-time, I don't ever go w/him. There are exceptions, but 9 times out of 10 I don't Normally if there's a party or whatnot I'll hang about for 30 min's then leave so him and his bro's can party well...like typically frat boys, lol! Since he pays for his living expenses and etc he has to work..which in turn cuts time w/me and his bro's less than half.

But here's an update...D talked to him and informed him it was really bugging me of what he was doing. Everything is back to normal AFTER he truely realized what little time he does have on campus! So now he KNOWS I'm not lying about it!!! Sheesh!!! Tomorrow I'm planning on whacking J in the side of the head for payback! lol