Sad and hurt by my Chapter

UDZETA · #1 10-11-2002, 03:49 PM

This past week has been big/little week. This is for the girls who are going to be bigs so they get a chance to know the littles. For informal rush we only take sophmores and Juniors. Well I signed up to be a big even though I am a sophmore myself. I did all the events with the new girls and big little picks were last night. I went out a few days ago and got the stuff for my little to be. I even made some really cute stuff and got some halloween stuff too. I got a call last night saying I didn't get a little. I was so hurt for the fact that none of them liked me enough to have me be their big. Plus there should have been enough littles for each big and there was not. I was so sad... Also I feel like I'm closer to the older girls then I am to my pledge class. My pledge class was very clickish. And most of them knew each other before hand when I didn't know anyone. The problem is I just don't feel very welcomed. Not to say that I don't like the girls because I like all of them but there is only a few that are really good friends to me. I notice that our chapter has become very clickish and there are about 15 of us who are left out. Some of the older girls have noticed it too. Now I love Zeta and would hate to leave but if this gets any worst I don't know what to do. I was trying to think of some ways everyone could try to get closer but I really haven't thought of anything good. It just up-sets me that they wanted me to be apart of their chapter but now they don't even act like they want me there. And it's not just me like I said before there are 15 of us that are being left out. I don't even think my big likes me that much because she barely talks to me and she took a new little this time and she got one. Maybe I'm over reacting but I'm really hurt and up-set and don't know what to do!

AchtungBaby80 · #2 10-11-2002, 06:01 PM

Your big shouldn't have been allowed to take another little if there were girls without littles who wanted one but didn't get one. I kinda know how you feel...my big has three littles, and it was hard for her to stretch her time and resources to accommodate all of us. (She had so many because she was a founding member of our chapter, and pledge classes kept getting larger and larger so older members often had several littles.) I didn't like sharing much, but I was the first, so I got more special treatment on Big/Little Night than the subsequent ones did.

ZTABunny · #3 10-12-2002, 02:25 PM

UDZETA,
I can understand your frustrations because I have been there; we all have at one point or another. I too was a part of a very cliquish chapter. There were just certain groups of girls who liked to hang out more with each other than hang out with the rest of us. Which kinda hurt at first because I wanted eveyone to like me but when I realized that their interests and mine were not the same I was okay with it. You said that there are about 15 girls who feel left out? Well the best thing to do would to hang out together more-- have fun and don't let the other girls get to you. It's really not worth it to become all upset. I learned the hard way that not everbody has to be best friends all of the time but that as long as they act sisterly it's okay. Not all of my sisters hung out at the same parties, bars and such but when there was a sisterhood event, meeting, rush, etc., the chapter really came together.
As far as the big-little problem you have-- don't let that get you down either. I had a similar problem when I went through with my big. The girl I wanted as my big was blocked by a bunch of sisters from being a big (long story, NOT her fault) and I ended up having my big "stolen" from me by a girl who did not like her big. The girl I wanted as my big kinda "adopted" me as her little and it worked out okay.
Basically just hang in there! It will get better! If you need anyone to talk with feel free to PM me anytime.
LOTS of Zeta love and mine-
ZTABunny

sororitygirl2 · #4 10-13-2002, 06:35 PM

ZTABunny is right! Hang out with the other girls who also feel left out! You don't like cliques, and these girls probably don't either since they haven't joined the others, so you could all just be friends and be sure to include any sisters who want to hang out with y'all!

And, remember, even though you didn't get a little, it doesn't mean you can't be good friends with those younger girls. Call then and invite them out, they will probably feel honored that an older member is taking the opportunity to get to know them. And, you said this was informal recruitment, right? So maybe you can get a little when formal recruitment rolls around!

Just try to keep your head up, be proactive and make friends. If all else fails, go talk to your exec. or standards and tell them how you feel.

Good luck!

AOIIBrandi · #5 10-13-2002, 06:42 PM

I kinda know how you feel. Fall of my Sophomore year I really wanted this girl as my Lil, I didn't get her. Instead one of my best friends in the chapter did. I decided not to let it bother me that the New Member didn't feel as close to me as she did to my friend. We ended up being great friends anyway and when we had COB I got my Lil. Now I couldn't imagine it any other way. I have the best Lil in the world and 6 years later we are still best friends. I guess what I'm saying is that things happen for a reason, and the right Lil will come along.

becljohn · #6 11-14-2002, 11:41 AM

Ladies, I understand your concerns about your chapters, getting the lil that you want and small groups among your larger group. I am here to tell you as an alum that you just have to make the best of your time while you are there. I was very active in my chapter, I have 4 lils and I love them all. My chpter was full of little groups I can remember complaining about not everyone being involved and stuff, but I would not have changed my experiance for the world nor would I give up the lils that I have, and yes they are still my lil eventhough we are all alums. Keep heart, ZTA is an experiance that few are privlaged to get. You will get a lil that will mean the world to you and even though you didn't get one this time, thats just the more time and love you give to the next.

pinkyphimu · #7 11-14-2002, 10:19 PM

don't stress about not getting a little this semester! i bet you were on some lists!! i know when i was a phi, i couldn't decide which person that i really wanted more. so i put my three choices and i wrote a little note that said i would be really happy with any one of my choices. there was a sister who INSISTED that i really wanted her as my big. she made the phi mom cry. amy came downstairs in tears and asked if we really would be happy with our choices and if we wanted to change our minds, we could. she didn't tell us what the situation was at the time, but she and i talked about it later. it was pretty awful! i did end up getting the best big ever!

the same thing happened the next year with the same sister. she INSISTED that one of the new sisters wanted her to be her big. i was actually this girl's first choice. unfortunately, the phi mom went with it. my little was ok, but we really didn't get to be good friends. i ended up adopting the girl who wanted me and someone else. some people really click....and some people don't. it is ok tho! have fun and enjoy your college years!!!