Advice

XOMichelle · #1 11-09-2002, 04:02 PM

Hey guys,
I was hoping that you all out there would be able to give me some advice about a personal situation.

My friend is really mad at me because she says I encroach on her men. She got *pissed* last night because I spent time talking to her blind date at the Mystery Date Party. I know I shouldn't have sat there flirting with him, but in all honsety, she was 45 min late to the party, and we had hit it off before she got there. When she came in I introduced them, went to talk to another friend, and sit back down next to my date. Her date sits next to me, and we talk/ flirt till my other friend tells me to back off cuz the one friend is pissed. I do, and talk to my date (who wa a nice guy, but not my type) the rest of the night.

Ok, so after this little party, I have to go work at the gym (which is open really late here). The two girls come to my shift and tell me that I was really rude, and I can't do things like flirt with other people's dates, even if they are flirting with me. I know it wasn't a kosher move, but I really didn't know my friend was so upset. I told her that, and apologized. She was still pissed and said that this was not the first time this has happened. This was news to me! I told her I was sorry if I did anything unintetional, but at this point I was crying so getting things across was hard. The end of the conversation was her going off on me, and me trying to defend mysef, and then getting angry and storming off.

What should I do????
I really really didn't know I was doing anything to piss her off, and I admit I shoudn't have flirted with her date last night. But she thinks I don't care about her friendship now (which I belive to be bullshit, she knows I care about her, and is just using that as a line). Even worse, she thinks I am awful and tactlesss. I really feel bad about it, and I want her to know that I don't mean to hurt her at all, or get into her men, I just had no idea she liked these guys or cared. I really liek her, and want to stay friends with her.
anyway, what do you think I should do? I wrote her an email apologizing, and I plan to go talk to her later today when I feel better about things, but what should I say???? Do you think I have a chance to repair this?

ll,
M

Imthechamp · #2 11-09-2002, 04:20 PM

Yeah, find your own men.

UF_PikePC98 · #3 11-09-2002, 04:37 PM

I'd say forget those b!tches.

They're just jealous of you. If they hold it against you and you honestly did that stuff unintentionaly, phuck'em. You don't need them. If they were real friends they wouldn't say thyose things to you nor would they put you in a situation to where you have to choose whether or not being their friend is more important than being yourself. When I say being yourself, I mean always having to check with someone before you speak or do something for fear that it might piss them off.

Besides, I've seen what you look like. You're a hot chick, honestly. And for me to say that for an internet girl, publicly.....it's a first........My point is this, they're just jealous of you....they'll get over it. I have friends liek that as well. They get pissed when I talk to a girl that is with them and she begins to take interest in me, when all I'm doing is being polite and offering her a drink.....

Anyhow, I wouldn't sweat it......stop hammering yourself about something that can't be fixed.

UF_Pike

aprilxo · #4 11-09-2002, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by UF_PikePC98
If they were real friends they wouldn't say thyose things to you nor would they put you in a situation to where you have to choose whether or not being their friend is more important than being yourself. When I say being yourself, I mean always having to check with someone before you speak or do something for fear that it might piss them off.

You know, Michelle, that is a good point he made (and actually something I should seriously re-evaluate w/my fiance--ISSUES. But that is not the point

I understand that it's hard to just let somebody be pissed at you though... and as a girl I tend to 'network' and I hate just shutting people out... but if you have sincerely tried apologizing and she just flips out about you suppsedly flirting multiple times with these guys (besides your one confirmed occasion) then it really does sound more like HER problem than yours... total insecurity.

I had (yeah had) a friend who would not even let me MEET her romantic interests because she was constantly paranoid that I would steal him. I never even once flirted w/any of them. She just thought that guys naturally enjoy talking with me and that they would like me more than her--but that was her problem, not mine--I never did anything to deserve that rep besides being me, and I can't help that. So put your best foot forward and try to patch things up, but if it's just not working--like Craig said, "stop hammering yourself about something that can't be fixed."

Hope things work out (just remember that in the long run, whatever happens will be for the best!)

LiCO,
april

sororitygirl2 · #5 11-09-2002, 05:25 PM

I have to agree with what people are saying here. If you are just being your normal, friendly self and not doing anything scandalous or deceitful then IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! (Remember that part in Good Will Hunting... Anyway)....

This has happened to me with my friends a lot too... We go out to the bars and boys talk to me... we hang out and laugh and have a good time. My girls always start talking about how I feed off male attention and how I am a boy-monger... They get worried sometimes when I am just friends with their boyfriends. Or when we have mutual guy friends that would rather hang out with me. I can't help it if I am friends with guys, or if they might rather hang out with me...

Anyway, don't stress yourself out over it. Just explain to your friend that it wasn't anything sketchy and that you were just being friendly... she'll get over it. And if she doesn't, she's just stupid.

Kevin · #6 11-09-2002, 08:21 PM

For once I agree with UF Pike

aprilxo · #7 11-10-2002, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by XOMichelle
Craig, how have you seen pictures of me??? That's kind of scary!

Maybe he has you confused with the Michelle from michelleswonderland.com ?? lol

But anyway, you're a survivor--despite the drama I'm sure you'll come out strong

lico~april

sororitygirl2 · #8 11-10-2002, 10:26 PM

Ugggh... this sort of thing happened to me again last night. Went to the bars in the town where I went to school... saw a guy I haven't seen for about four months (he came out to meet us and brought his girlfriend -- who I am not friends with)... he and I were talking and catching up for a half-hour or so and she starts complaining to everyone that I am hitting on her boyfriend...

Whatever... I didn't realize talking was illegal. And I think that he was much friendlier than I.

Anyway, I am glad that things are clearing up for you Michelle!

XOMichelle · #9 11-11-2002, 12:22 AM

lol april!

Soroity girl- ug ug.

But, I wanted to say, my freind came to talk to me, and it went really well. MUCH better than I expected. She basically said that she was disappointed with my behavior, but had had 10 (10!!!) drinkes when she told me what she thought. She accepted my apology, and told me that she would try and be more clear about her male interests. Whoo!!! I was so happy she said that!!! I told her I deserved to be told that I had behaved inapporpriately (ie, I needed that mini bitch slap!!!), becasue I haven't been single in 4 years, and will make mistakes! I also said I was sorry, and I valued her friendship. Oh I am so relieved.

Anyway, I'm going to delete this thread in a few. Thanks for all your help.
ll,
M

chopper816 · #10 11-11-2002, 02:41 AM

i gotta commend you on talking to him before your friend showed up though, i think its pretty cool that you did that, if my date was 45 minutes late, id feel pretty bad, like i got stood up, and i wouldve left before she came b/c waiting 45 minutes is really being patient, and if someone were to talk to me, id feel better and i wouldnt be so embarassed, but if it was more flirting than talking, that couldve been a problem, but i think your friend has a lot more blame than you do, seems like she over reacted. id give it a few days and see if she calms down