Situation with a coworker

ChiOJenn78 · #1 10-24-2002, 07:32 PM

Ok GC'ers I have a question....tonight I'm going to happy hour with this guy I work with. When we first met, he used to flirt with me, but when I told him I had a bf, he stopped and hasn't since. We're friends, we talk at work, email, etc. Mr. ChiOJenn doens't know I'm going tonight, and I'm trying to decide if I should tell him. If I do, he'll get a little jealous( not scary, obsessive jealous or anything, but in a "I miss you, I'm 80 states away" jealous

). If I tell him, I'm going to have to put up with his mood, and do my broken record act: "we're just friend, he knows I have a bf, etc." Brian-mybf-says that guys don't care if a girl has a bf. But if I don't tell, I would feel like I'm hiding something-which I'm not, and I wouldn't want this to come up later in a "what? you hang out with him? you never told me!" sort of way. Because I plan on hanging out with this guy in the future, and don't want to keep anything from Brian.

So ladies, what would you do? And guys, if this was your girlfriend and she told you, would you be mad? What if she didn't tell?

Thanks for the advice ya'll.

KillarneyRose · #2 10-24-2002, 07:41 PM

Hi Jenn!
Unfortunately, the answer I have for this isn't one you're going to like. I know this because I wouldn't like it either!!! But......since I suspect I have quite a few years on you (ugh!), I will tell you the one ironclad relationship lesson I have learned:

If you're hesitating to tell your S/O about something you're planning to do because you're worried it will upset him/her, then that means you shouldn't do it. Even if, to you, it is something relatively harmless, you have to take into account that your S/O doesn't share that opinion.

Yup, I learned that one the hard way.

Good luck; let us know what you end up doing!

amycat412 · #3 10-24-2002, 07:44 PM

I have to agree 100% with Killarney Rose on this one.

If you want to hang out with this guy, I would not go out with him alone, make sure its in a group setting.

sororitygirl2 · #4 10-24-2002, 08:19 PM

I'm not going to say that you shouldn't go -- do whatever you want -- BUT...

...usually if you are thinking of hiding it, it's not as innocent as you say.

I've often hung out with guy friends when I was dating someone else, and while nothing ever happened, there was sometimes quite a bit of "innocent" flirting and I secretly loved the male attention. Some of these situations could definitely have turned dangerous at some point if circumstances were a little different.

But then, who's to say what's dangerous? I mean, you're not married and you should be allowed to have fun and hang out with guys, and sometimes you have to take risks to know what's right (this a general "you" not addressed at ChiOJenn).

*edited to add:

Oh yeah, my final advice to Jenn. Thingk about it, do what feels right and don't worry... things always work out eventually!

damasa · #5 10-24-2002, 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
Hi Jenn!
Unfortunately, the answer I have for this isn't one you're going to like. I know this because I wouldn't like it either!!! But......since I suspect I have quite a few years on you (ugh!), I will tell you the one ironclad relationship lesson I have learned:

If you're hesitating to tell your S/O about something you're planning to do because you're worried it will upset him/her, then that means you shouldn't do it. Even if, to you, it is something relatively harmless, you have to take into account that your S/O doesn't share that opinion.

Yup, I learned that one the hard way.

Good luck; let us know what you end up doing!

Yes, take the advice of KR into extreme consideration!!!! She always gives great advice. Actually, I don't recall her ever giving bad advice!

We should call her "ol' faithful" not because she is old, she isn't old!!! But because she has, well as she put it "quite a few years" on some of us

In all honesty though, I have learned to always listen, if not, at least consider the advice given from someone that has gone through something similar and learned the hard way.

Optimist Prime · #6 10-24-2002, 08:42 PM

You should be honest.

The1calledTKE · #7 10-24-2002, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
Hi Jenn!
Unfortunately, the answer I have for this isn't one you're going to like. I know this because I wouldn't like it either!!! But......since I suspect I have quite a few years on you (ugh!), I will tell you the one ironclad relationship lesson I have learned:

If you're hesitating to tell your S/O about something you're planning to do because you're worried it will upset him/her, then that means you shouldn't do it. Even if, to you, it is something relatively harmless, you have to take into account that your S/O doesn't share that opinion.

Yup, I learned that one the hard way.

Good luck; let us know what you end up doing!

The perfect answer.

James · #8 10-24-2002, 11:29 PM

I agree with everyone else. Don't go.

Why visit with temptation?

Kudo's: thats pretty sane advice everyone lol.

Kevin · #9 10-25-2002, 01:02 AM

Maybe I'm just naive as all hell.. But my girlfriend (according to her

) is hit on quite a bit by people in her class, on the drumline with her, etc... She hangs out with these people all of the time..

Does it really bother me? Nope.

I figure a relationship involves trust and if you don't have that your relationship has issues you need to work out.

I like to hear about the stuff though... She shouldn't have anything to hide.

PandaOnProzac · #10 10-25-2002, 04:58 AM

If my gf went out as friends with another guy I'd be a little concerned but I'd trust her. I think trust is key in a situation like that. He should trust also that you know how to fend a guy off if he's coming onto you and such.

dzrose93 · #11 10-25-2002, 11:15 AM

KillarneyRose gives sage advice. I agree 110%.

Imthechamp · #12 10-26-2002, 06:31 PM

If you have a good man, don't do anything to fuck it up. Treat him good.

ChiOJenn78 · #13 10-26-2002, 07:21 PM

Well, I did go-it was $.50 beer night, how could I resist?

Anyhoo, I had already decided to tell Brian about it pretty much after I posted this thread, and when I got home I did tell him. I decided to tell him, because, if the tables were turned, I would want him to tell me too. He was a bit upset at first, but after I reassured him that nothing did, or would ever, happen with my coworker, he was cool.
I was not feeling so cool the next morning though....$.50 beers are dangerous...

James · #14 10-28-2002, 02:28 PM

It always starts so innocently . . . lol

Quote:

Originally posted by ChiOJenn78
Well, I did go-it was $.50 beer night, how could I resist? Anyhoo, I had already decided to tell Brian about it pretty much after I posted this thread, and when I got home I did tell him. I decided to tell him, because, if the tables were turned, I would want him to tell me too. He was a bit upset at first, but after I reassured him that nothing did, or would ever, happen with my coworker, he was cool.
I was not feeling so cool the next morning though....$.50 beers are dangerous...

DWAlphaGam · #15 10-28-2002, 02:48 PM

You should always be honest in your relationships...a relationship is nothing without trust!

It's funny because my boyfriend and I were discussing a similar topic last night. We are friends with this one couple and the guy freaks out every time somone hits on his girlfriend. My boyfriend is the complete opposite; he thinks it's really cool when guys hit on me, because he thinks, "Hey, all these guys are looking at my hot girlfriend. I must be a stud to get a girl like her." I think it's great that he is like that because I don't have to worry about hiding anything from him.