Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Dionysus · #1 09-18-2002, 02:34 PM

Answers:

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black
man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your
checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the
road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the
road justify whatever motive there was.

Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual
insecurity.

L.A. Police Department: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50
tons of nerve gas on it.

Saddam Hussein #2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the
road, but why it crossed it, I've not been told!

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having
their motives called into question.

Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross
roads at this historical juncture, and, therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.

Scully: It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are
now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Darwin #2: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing
the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What
the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

The Pope: That is only for God to know.

Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken
had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.

George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his
own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Plato: For the greater good.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused
it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of
its own freewill.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to
cross the road.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon
your frame of reference.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Emily Dickenson: Because it could not stop for death.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

O.J.: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Aurora6 · #2 09-18-2002, 02:38 PM

Ok, now that was original and very funny!

Why did the chicken cross the road you ask?

Aurora6 - To get to the other side

Aurora6

The1calledTKE · #3 09-18-2002, 02:45 PM

CBS-TV's Andy Rooney: I could have said "Didja ever wonder why it is that the chicken crossed the road, and which road it was?" But I didn't. I did ask some turkeys, however, and this is what they said...

President William Jefferson Clinton: That depends on how yuh define "road".

COBOL Programmers:0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING

Hillary Rodham Clinton: I don't bake cookies; I don't cook chicken. I am not a crook -- er, I am not a cook.

James Carville: Because the mean-spirited Republican majority in congress was going to cook the chicken and leave only the sun-bleached bones picked bare for the American people that they'd throw out in the street

Ayn Rand: A chicken's first duty is to itself. And only by living for itself is it able to achieve the things which are the glory of chickenkind. Such is the nature of achievement.

A Typical Politically Correct Person: Don't blame the chicken! Society is to blame. The chicken did cross the road, but he or she was merely a victim of this racist, bigoted, sexist society. We are all to blame, for failing to provide... [blah, blah, blah -- ad nauseam]

The Channel 7 (WSVN, Miami) News Team: In a story you will see only on WSVN, a young homeless chicken crosses the road in Citron Beach for the very first time... The orphaned chicken is hit by a speeding car and is thrown sky high... Authorities are still trying to pick up the pieces. At the family's request, the chicken's remains will be used to make chicken soup for the orphaned chicks...
This just in... Is OJ's golf game getting worse, now that he's in the custody battle of his life?

Tom Leykis: I cannot bee-LEEVE that women are SO shocked to hear that the reason the chicken crossed the road is because the rooster was trying to get into her pants!

Rush Limbaugh: It was having more fun than a chicken should be allowed to have, listening to the Rush Limbaugh program on the EIB network and reveling in its righteousness!

The1calledTKE · #4 09-18-2002, 02:50 PM

Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (CENSORED) wanted to. That's the (CENSORED) reason.
John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.
T.S. Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.
Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam wasna functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!
Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.
Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious.
William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.
Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.
Bill the Cat: Oop Ack.
Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed as a chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.
Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which thank goodness are good, dahling.
George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
Epicurus: For fun.
T.S. Eliot revisited: Do I dare to cross the road?
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedent avian biped with the merity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.
Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?
Salvador Dali: The fish.
Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately...and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.
Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.
Gottfried von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.
Candide: To cultivate its garden.
George Washington: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.
Dylan Thomas: To not go(sic) gentle into that good night.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.
James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail; the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!
Thomas Dequincy: Because it ran out of opium.
Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.
The Sphinx: You tell me.

Peaches-n-Cream · #5 09-18-2002, 03:12 PM

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Cream at ten: To get away from Colonel Sanders.

That was funny stuff back then.

Optimist Prime · #6 09-18-2002, 08:52 PM

Optimist Prime: cuz it thought it would be better over there

KappaStargirl · #7 09-18-2002, 10:47 PM

absolutely laughing myself sick over the Joseph Conrad response...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

KSG: To prove to the raccoons that it could be done.

The1calledTKE · #8 09-18-2002, 11:06 PM

zntke711: To get away from the horny farmer.

FHwku · #9 09-19-2002, 12:37 AM

Homer : The journey is the thing.

Homer Simpson : Mmmmm....chicken....*auggh drooling

FHwku : Because he must.

FHwkuDrunk : To escape another Public Intoxication citation.
Man, I love that chicken.

Shark_in_Skirt · #10 09-19-2002, 01:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KappaStargirl
absolutely laughing myself sick over the Joseph Conrad response...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

KSG: To prove to the raccoons that it could be done.

*teehehehe*

No, but really, it makes me sad to see squished raccoons. But funny response, KSG!

XOXO,
Annie.

AOX81 · #11 09-19-2002, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by FHwku
FHwku : Because he must.

LOL

FHwku · #12 09-22-2002, 01:09 AM

Because...he's coming to get you.

- FHwku
- Nike ad: "You cannot fool the chicken."

Vous ne pouvez pas tromper le poulet?

aephi alum · #13 09-23-2002, 06:34 PM

aephi alum: Who cares, as long as the chicken fuels my addiction by posting a rush thread...

Optimist Prime · #14 09-23-2002, 08:49 PM

Optimist Prime: This um...I forget.