Advice on dealing with my little

[WallyCat]

Thanks for the help!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by WallyCat

Hello,

I am having a bit of an issue with my little. My little is the complete opposite of me. I am a bit more introverted and reserved, while she is very loud and outgoing. I have always wanted to be in a sorority while it seems like my little joined just because. The overall issue is that my little does not act like she wants to be part of the sorority. She likes to bash the sorority. She will not stop trashing other members to me. I’m part of a new chapter on campus, so all the members are very close knit as we are a small group. It hurts me that she just wants to trash people instead of build up the sisterhood. She is very selective with her friends, only wanting to be friends with pretty people to make herself feel better about herself. This to me contradicts the idea of joining a sorority.

On a side note, my little is a lesbian. I have nothing against lesbians, but my little will not stop telling me who in the sorority she is attracted to. She goes and purposely hangs out with these women to see if they are interested in her. I don’t know how to deal with her eyeing my sisters like pieces of meat to hook up with.

Lastly, my little, though I love her, does not represent my sorority’s values. She is a big drug user and not just marijuana. I understand that each chapter is different than the overall sorority, but my chapter is very dedicated to school and not into heavy drug use. It’s my last year in my sorority, and I am worried that her behavior and attachment to me as her big is going to dominate my sorority experience.

If anyone has any advice on how to deal with sisters who are very different from who they are and bring a negativity down on the sorority experience, I would appreciate it. I need some lines if I must confront her because she is a tad aggressive and pushy, and I’m worried I will become a pushover.

Thanks for the help!

I am willing to bet that it does not align with your organization's values to bash her online without talking to her in person.

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I am willing to bet that it does not align with your organization's values to bash her online without talking to her in person.

There's that.

And all FSL orgs have internal discipline procedures. It sounds like you'd best familiarize yourself with those procedures. If she's a new member (not initiated), you probably have a different procedure than you would with an initiate.

The only little I ever got was someone I had to blackball. Sucks sometimes, but if they aren't going to be credits to your organization, then the Big is a critical part to new member quality control.

[clemsongirl]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I am willing to bet that it does not align with your organization's values to bash her online without talking to her in person.

She's asking for advice before talking to her in person, I wouldn't call that bashing.

It sounds like taking these concerns to the standards board is the way to go, especially about the heavy drug use. If it's something the chapter isn't going to approve of, why would they want her as a member?

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by clemsongirl

She's asking for advice before talking to her in person, I wouldn't call that bashing.

It sounds like taking these concerns to the standards board is the way to go, especially about the heavy drug use. If it's something the chapter isn't going to approve of, why would they want her as a member?

True, but first I'd talk to her privately. Maybe even suggest that she might be happier not being a member?

[SoCalGirl]

Questions that popped to mind: Has she been initiated? How did she end up as your Little?

[DubaiSis]

Bringing up another issue that just bugs me. You say you love her. Do you really? Or is that just something you feel like you're supposed to say? Because it doesn't sound like you like her, even a little bit. And that's ok. You don't have to love all of your sisters and you don't have to like everyone you meet.

And if you haven't had initiation yet, I'd get to brass tacks and get her outta there, if that's what needs to happen.

[FSUZeta]

The drug behaviors you described warrant standards/judicial board attention. That is risk management territory.

[33girl]

It sounds like your chapter needs to find a new way of pairing bigs and littles, stat.

Also, everyone who's saying "get standards involved" - keep in mind we are only hearing one side of the story.

[Kevin]

Standards exists to hear both sides.

[33girl]

I mean we are only hearing one side from the poster. Her perceptions and reality may not match. It's happened before. If that's the case, dragging a girl into standards certainly won't help her engagement in the sorority.

[Kevin]

I'm just taking this thing at face value. Only OP knows if what she gave us is the whole truth. Based on the OP giving the whole truth, I certainly think taking the case to standards would be merited.

[carnation]

Yeah, because drugs.