is this the way it's supposed to be?

theta kite · #1 09-10-2002, 12:00 AM

i was just initiated this past spring. i love my house very much and all of my sisters. the whole summer i was looking forward to coming back and participating in anything i can sign up for or get my hands on. i have so many ideas and so much i want to do to make our chapter the best it can be. what can i say, i'm a tad overenthusiastic and a bit of an idealist.

well, i got into a bit of trouble before the year ended with one of my pledge sisters. she had been drinking and asked if i would take another of our pledge sister home in her car. well, i dropped her off and i was driving back and i got into an accident. no one was hurt. the only thing that happened was that i scratched the side of her car. we got into this fight because she said that i had to pay for the cost of fixing the car even thought i thought that she should help me with at least some of it since i was looking out for their safety. nontheless, my parents paid for the damages which was over a thousand dollars, and needless to say since then, the relationship with that particular sister and me has been somewhat strained.

now back to the original point, i came back and we had our meetings for fall rush and everything, and i feel unwelcome. the other sisters are kind of condescending towards us and the friendships that i had formed with some of my pledge sisters aren't the same anymore because some of them are living in the house and i'm not. the sister that i had problems with the car with is also living in the house and i'm afraid she might've been talking to some of the sisters and inadvertantly caused some of the sisters to judge me. i'm not saying that she's the kind of person to be badmouthing me, but we had some problems, and even though she said that she isn't angry with me at all, i can't help thinking that she might harbor some resentment.

but all in all, the point is, that i'm not feeling comfortable in the house and around my sisters and some of my other pledge sisters feel the same way. is this normal? cause i imagined that things would only get better, but it hasn't or am i just freaking out for no reason because it's still the beginning of the school year. did you guys feel the same way when you were the new members? i would appreciate any perspective. sorry this is so long!!

KappaTarzan · #2 09-10-2002, 12:20 AM

it will get better.. talk to them.. tell them how you feel, and point out that you DID pay the money for it to be fixed... best of luck

PsychTau · #3 09-10-2002, 12:51 AM

Every group goes through rough spots. . .especially at the beginning of school when everyone is trying to get organized and get things back on track (and if you have rush coming up, prepare for things to get even more stressful!!). Give things time to calm down and people to get into a pattern again. Do your best to reconnect with your sisters. If things are still feeling bad, talk to your big or another trusted older sister, she may be able to calm your worries or even shed some light on the problem.

Good luck this year, and hang in there!!! This is one of the lessons you get to learn in a sorority, so don't give up too soon.

shadokat · #4 09-10-2002, 10:25 AM

I would speak to your President and ask her if she could tell you who in your organization works with members to do mediation. I mean, you sound as if you really want to be a part of the sisterhood, and things like this can normally be worked out if an objective third party helps. My sorority has a member at large for such items, but I'm not sure what Theta has.

Good luck!

violets · #5 09-10-2002, 04:02 PM

Honey, I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time.
First, you've done nothing wrong and its clear that you want to contribute to Theta, and I'm sure you will.
I would also suggest that you talk to an older sister for guidance. You could always begin with your big sister, or the VP of Membership, she would be a good person as well. When speaking to them do not focus on your other sister's personal shortcomings, be as dispassionate as possible in explaining the situation and look for solutions.
As for the drunk sister and the car damage. Ouch. She is just not a very responsible woman. Somewhere deep inside herself she might be very embarrassed about her behavior and is covering it up with inappropriate hostility towards you.
You definitely need more women around you as a support group, and you will have that if you take the right path. This is a situation in which your right actions will lead people to you. If you do not respond with gossip or fury and keep contributing and being a responsible member of Theta, women will come to you wanting to be your friend. I know that sounds Pollyannaish, but its not. People will know and be attracted to you by your actions.
If the woman you are having problems with continues to be negative she will only attract other negative people, or soon she will be left on her own.
I hope this is somewhat clear as I'm writing this very, very quickly. I hope everything works out for you, and let us know what steps you take to resolve this situation.
Good luck.

theta kite · #6 09-10-2002, 05:45 PM

thanks so much everyone for all the encouraging comments! it is only the beginning of the school year still, so i'm probably just being oversensitive, but i'm getting myself involved in more of the rush activities, so i can be around the girls more and eventually be more comfortable around them. i talked to a few of my pledge sisters yesterday and they all expressed sentiments similar to mine which made me feel better knowing that i'm not alone. and not everyone will like me in the house, but it's better anyways that i concentrate and maintain friendships with those who do care about me. thanks again for everyone's help!