Placing Blame

[LeslieAGD]

I thought Anniesigkap made an interesting point in another thread about the comments we make due to certain recruitment posts. Most of us love these recruitment threads...we cheer on the PNMs and are disappointed and supporting if they are dropped. However, maybe we should remember that we don't know these PNMs and we don't always know the inter-workings of the campuses and Greek Systems. We're only getting one side of the story and we should all know how crazy Recruitment is. Emotions are heightened and perceptions may be incorrect. It isn't fair to say "XYZ needs to re-think their recruitment process because Patty PNM was dropped!" Perhaps we can find a way to support the PNMs without placing blame.

[kddani]

I would never place blame on a house for cutting a girl without knowing both sides. I know that as wonderful as people could seem on here, when they go through rush they *COULD* (not saying that they ARE) be freaks, dorks, nasty or otherwise incompatible.
BUT, i don't think it's outside our scope to give criticism to stated rush tactics. I think that one sister for 2 PNMs isn't good rushing unless it is utterly, totally unavoidable. But with most schools having at least a semi-formal rush, numbers are more controlled and it's not like a house suddenly gets 100 pnm's storming in and only has 40 sisters to rush. And if there's other sisters helping with skits, etc. they shouldn't be in the room standing there, they should be helping with getting the skit ready. And whatever happened to "bumping"- having several sisters get to know PNMs??? While we don't know the case at the stated house, all sisters who are rushing PNMs should know that if they do happen to rush two girls at the same time, they should make a strong effort to equally involve both of them in the conversation. And in this case, it was PREF, which means the numbers were controlled, and it's also supposed to be a very personal, special event.
A chapter that rushes well makes EVERYONE want to come back. They're NICE to everyone and treat everyone the SAME! The chapters that did very well in return rates on my campus did so because they made ALL the rushees feel special and important.
Maybe this sorority needs to re-examine some of their rush tactics. I would strongly suggest it. I doubt that this was the only PNM who felt that uncomfortable.
Once again, i would never say just from talking with a rushee on here that any house that didn't take them is horrible, etc. Because we don't know that person in real life, just what they say on here. But there's no reason why I can't disagree with how she was rushed.

[Angels&Arrows]

As a Rush Limbaugh fan... all I have to say is "DITTO"

[LeslieAGD]

Originally posted by kddani
Maybe this sorority needs to re-examine some of their rush tactics. I would strongly suggest it. I doubt that this was the only PNM who felt that uncomfortable.
Once again, i would never say just from talking with a rushee on here that any house that didn't take them is horrible, etc. Because we don't know that person in real life, just what they say on here. But there's no reason why I can't disagree with how she was rushed.

I'm not saying you don't have a right to your opinon/right to disagree, however that's kind of my point...we only know how that particular PNM perceives how she was rushed.

Maybe the sisters standing around were waiting for the conversation to die down so they could begin a ceremony...maybe the sister that was talking to the two PNMs couldn't stop PNM #1 from talking or couldn't get PNM #2 to open up about herself...maybe there was a mix up and PNM #2 got picked up for Pref by someone who had only met PNM #1.

I've probably made assumptions too...I'm just suggesting that there are too many "maybes" to come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with a particular sorority's recruitment practices from the accounts of a PNM.

[Silverblue]

If a chapter had treated me like that, its members wouldn't have to worry about me darkening their door again. I'd mark them off my list as soon as that party was over. Of course, a chapter can't take every girl. But a chapter can and absolutely should be polite to every girl. They're nervous enough to begin with. I doubt TBSG will highly recommend formal rush to any unaffiliated friends of hers. Ignoring a PNM is bad manners, and bad for the Greek system as a whole.

[kddani]

I'm just glad that she had the courtesy and good graces not to say what house it was. She could've bashed them quite easily, but was a lady and kept it to herself. To us, they're an anonymous house. Maybe not-so-anonymous now with the seemingly retalitory post, if that was the house, which it seems to be. I definately think that she is better off not in that house if they made her feel so uncomfortable. And once again, i agree completely with silverblue.

[LeslieAGD]

I think you're both missing my original point, which is that this applies to any recruitment story, not just to TBSG.

[Silverblue]

And our point is that a chapter needs to rethink its recruitment process if an enthusiastic PNM leaves a party feeling terrible about herself. Regardless of the campus and the system, all actives should know they should talk to all rushees, answer their questions and not ignore them.

[imsohappythatiama]

Leslie:

I see your point (as it applies to all of the Recruitment Threads, not just TBSG's thread).

Another point, however (which applies to TBSG's thread and ANY Recruitment Period at any chapter) is that when a collegiate is speaking with 2 PNMs at once, she should:
(1) be courteous enough to get both PNMs involved in the conversation, or
(2) (if one PNM just won't shut up) be certain that the PNM who didn't get much of a chance to speak because big-mouth wouldn't give way gets invited back SIMPLY due to the fact that conditions were beyond her control.

And may I just add (yes, this applies directly to TBSG's thread) that I understand AnnieSigKap's point about double-rushing....but THERE SHOULD NEVER BE DOUBLE RUSHING ON PREFERENCE NIGHT. There is simply no excuse for that, especially when other collegiate members can be seen floating in the background.

Leslie, you are right that we should all take these PNMs' Recruitment stories with a grain of salt....but like KillarneyRose said, I recognize poor recruitment skills when I see them. Maybe TBSG got released for some utterly different and legitimate reason...but even still, she should not have been subjected to such poor hostessing. It's just bad manners.

And while I'm on the TBSG subject ditto the comment about TBSG NOT dissing the chapter publicly by keeping it anonymous. THAT is good manners. Nuff said.

[lionlove]

Originally posted by imsohappythatiama

THERE SHOULD NEVER BE DOUBLE RUSHING ON PREFERENCE NIGHT.

Off topic but our chapter did double preffing last year because a lot more ladies accepted our invitation to pref then in the previous years. There were no sisters just standing around and we made every effort to make every lady feel welcome and comfortable. It was just that situations beyond our control forced us to double pref.

[RockChalk]

Originally posted by imsohappythatiama
THERE SHOULD NEVER BE DOUBLE RUSHING ON PREFERENCE NIGHT.

Maybe I misread the thread, but I thought TBSG was not invited to pref.

[AOIIalum]

Well said, imsohappythatiama. If any PNM leaves a party and feels bad, something is wrong. We don't know the entire story and that's fine. All we know is someone walked out of a sorority recruitment party and felt unwelcome. She may have been released for a good reason. She could have possibly been released because she didn't talk much at the party. If that could possibly be the case then she feels like she knows why--because her conversation was monopolized by another and when she got to speak her comments or questions were discounted by the sister paired with her. That should never happen. In addition, no PNM should even feel as if it happened. Period.

Yes, as Leslie pointed out, we should remember that emotions are heightened and perceptions really are affected during the process. We don't know how every campus works or how each chapter of each sorority is on every campus--even within our own organizations. Should we stop cheering on PNMs? Nope. Should we stop being supportive if the PNMs story doesn't turn out the way she expected? Nope. Should we not post a thought or a comment that may help the PNM through a rough time? Nope, as long as we do so respectfully. I think we as a group have consistently done so, but we don't hesitate to question or call out if something just doesn't sound right.

Do people get hurt during recruitment? Sure, on all sides. Do we know the PNMs who post on here? Most of the time, no. Is it fair to say that XYZ to change their recruitment because they dropped WendyPNM? No, of course not. I do think it's fair to say that XYZ should rethink their recruitment preparations because WendyPNM walked out of their party feeling like she wasn't welcome. There's a big difference, and I think that's the point many of us have been trying to make.

Christin

[kddani]

RockChalk, you're correct, she didn't get invited to pref. My bad. I don't think it matters THAT much though... this shouldn't happen at any party.

[RockChalk]

^ I don't think it really matters either, I just thought I was hallucinating when people brought up pref.

[kddani]

too many rush threads, we're getting them confused!

Not that i want there to be LESS rush threads