random issue of the week

AXOLiz · #1 08-23-2002, 12:56 PM

I'm a venter. I'm warning you ahead of time. This is my random issue of the week. Feel free to post yours. I find it much easier to give advice on other people's problems than figure out what to do about my own, so if you have any advice for me, I'd appreciate it (and return the favor if needed

).

So here it is, Liz's issue of the week:

Last weekend, my friend and I met the perfect man. We're both single, he's single, and there's only one of him. We've both been fairly down lately about out dating situations, or lack thereof, and have been starting to wonder if someday we'll have to settle like all these people we know.

So we meet Mr. Wonderful who's smart, ambitious, has a great sense of humor (my friend and I both share the same ultra-sarcastic sense of humor and it usually annoys other people, so finding someone who also was like that was really great), attractive (at least to me, I wouldn't call him hot), etc. He had to drive back that night, so we only talked to him for maybe 3 hours.

He only had one business card on him, so he gave me that and I gave him one of mine (he wrote both of our #s on it). We spent the rest of the night trying to figure out if there were clues that he liked either of us, and we couldn't come up with anything.

Ever since then, we've been talking about this guy all the freakin time. Both of us really like him, but he lives 6 hours away, we barely know him, and there's only one of him. I e-mailed him the other day just to make sure he got back home ok, and he never replied so I didn't tell my friend till last night because we were talking about him AGAIN, and I think she was kind of mad. I kept it as, "WE had fun with you, hope you got home ok." But she made me hand over the card so she could talk to him whenever.

So I basically think this whole thing is pretty stupid. If he wanted to talk to either of us, he could. Thing is, we're going to be in his city next weekend, and my friend wants to call him up and go out with him. Hopefully he'd have friends and everything would be peachy keen, but I know we'd still go out with him even if he was by himself. If I was a guy, I'd definitely go after my friend over me. I'm kind of worried that, after the two of us talking this guy up as much as we have, that they'll end up hooking up and I'll be crushed. It happened to me once before - my best friend went after the one guy who liked me and I was so hurt. I'm not exactly beating guys off with a stick, and I know this is a different situation, but I don't know if I could deal with something like that again, especially because this is my closest friend in the area. It'd be one thing if there was a guy for each of us, or if he let on from the beginning that he liked my friend since I want her to be happy, but I don't want this turning into a fight over some guy we barely know.

I think our friendship is too important to have problems over some guy and I'd rather just forget about him, but at the same time, what if he liked me and thought I didn't like him because I didn't want to end up fighting over him? I know it's stupid, but it's in the back of my mind. Plus I've pretty much been single my whole life and am to the point where I'm getting lonely. My friend and I go out all the time, so it makes it better, but the way things are going, I'm really worried we're going to have issues because of this. I've said that maybe we should drop the whole thing since no good could come of the two of us going after the same guy next weekend (well, I've hinted at it), but she won't do it. I realize she's lonely too and is all gung-ho about this guy, but is it too much to ask that since I am too, we just forget about it?

I'm secretly hoping he doesn't e-mail or call either of us so this just goes away. Like I said before, it'd be one thing for me if he OBVIOUSLY liked her. I want my friends to be happy. But if he isn't leaning towards either one, I don't think we need to be competing against each other to get him. She said she just wanted to talk to him to see if he had, "friends" and then made some comment about how when they get married, she'll totally hook me up with one of his friends.

So not only are we close to fighting over this guy, but she's already assuming he'd want her over me. Granted I'm assuming that too, but I'm also kind of sick of my friends saying stuff to me like that. They all do that. "Well, when so-and-so and I are dating, I'll find one of his friends for you."

Grr.

I realize I probably sound psycho, but does anybody have any advice?

justamom · #2 08-23-2002, 01:31 PM

AXOLiz, I'll take a TINY stab since I didn't get married till I was in my LATE 20's.

He gave YOU the card.
You E-mailed yet no response. I've deleted some things accidentally, he may not have recognized the "subject". Then again, 6 hours is considered geographically unacceptable by MANY, and there may be nothing more than the fact that he met two really nice women ad shared an evening.

She wants to call-Let her. A call is more aggressive than an E-mail and if somebody is on the wrong track, it will look like HER! (I know that sounds devious)
IF you all get together, a second meeting may be more revealing
as to where his interest is.
Take it from there. I wouldn't LET myself get too excited over this guy till farther down the road. Unless there is a very good reason for him to frequent your town, I will refer back to geography as an obstacle.

As far as your friend-Alls fair in love and war as long as each of you, being FRIENDS, doesn't cross any lines. You have to establish those lines however if you want to keep the friendship intact.

As far as her cmment about hooking you up with his friendsonce they are married-------I think SHE may believe she is teasing you, but this is not a joking matter in your eyes. Many a truth is said in jest! Good luck!

Hootie · #3 08-28-2002, 01:11 AM

Whatever you guys do, one has to go for him the other can't. The double emailing is a little pathetic looking. No offense to you (you did it first). But it sounds desperate to see two emails from two women you hardly know.
Really, think about it long and hard and figure out if the distance is something you could overcome...and you'll probably come to realize that he's not all that. But if you really feel he's that awesome, give him a call. I don't know what to tell ya about the friend situation though. In all my life my best friend and I haven't argued over a man before (we have such different taste).

Best!
Hootie

aggieAXO · #4 08-28-2002, 01:53 AM

I don't think there is any guy worth losing a friend over. Let me clarify that-any guy you just met (though in my opinion any guy period but hey I am not the best to be giving advice on relationships with guys and I haven't found one that I truly would want to lose a friend over ok I rambling now). As JAM said let her call if she wants to then go from there.

AXOLiz · #5 08-28-2002, 08:13 AM

I also think the whole thing's pretty stupid. Granted I sent him an e-mail like a big loser, but I just wanted to thank him again for taking us out. It wasn't like, "I LOOOOOVE YOU AND WILL STALK YOU FOREVER." It didn't even include, "I hope to talk to you again soon," or anything like that. It was right up there with the thank you notes I send my grandma for taking me to lunch.

A bunch of my friends and I went out last night, and the friend in question was there. She was talking about how she's going to e-mail him to try to get him to go out with us this weekend. Now I'm glad this guy gave her hope that she won't have to settle for some loser, but I don't want her to go back to her bitter act when he doesn't e-mail her back. Maybe I can handle the single-thing better than she can. I know it'll make her all depressed if she doesn't hear from him. At least if she let it go now, she won't be all upset later.

I also feel like friends aren't worth losing over some guy (with very few exceptions - I have known some couples that were great together and one of their friends was being a jerk by not letting them be together without a guilt trip). What I don't get are the people on either side of us telling us to go after this guy and who cares what the other one thinks. I know a few of her friends (who are also friends with me) are doing this - how could you tell a friend of yours to do whatever it takes to beat another one of your friends? Especially when it's over some guy who we've known for three hours and lives 6 hours away.

I'd much rather focus my attention on my other friend's brother-in-law anyway. This friend has a girlfriend, so it's not like I'll ever be competing with her for guys. Nothing like using, "She may not like guys, but I do!!" as a pick-up line.