Relationships and going to different colleges

[Shark_in_Skirt]

I know there have to be about a billion other couples who are seperating to go to different colleges right now, but I just feel so alone. Pretty irrational, I know.

My boyfriend is leaving tomorrow for college... I guess I'm just posting here because it's like 1:00 AM and I don't want to wake any of my friends up.

It'll be a full month before I go off to my own college and literally every single one of my friends will be gone by Saterday. I will be the only person in my home-town!

How did you all cope when your boy/girlfriend left before you did for school? Did any of you attempt a long-distance relationship?

Sorry this is such a random, weird post. I just had to say something before I totally went pyscho!

Thanks for listening.

XOXO,
Annie.

[justamom]

Many on this board have posted about long distance relationships. In fact, there was a thread about it a while back.
Maybe someone can pull it up if they remember.

For a short while, you will be in "Limbo", with your friends and Honey gone. Of course, it will take a while to settle in at college too. Hope you don't get too lonely during the transition.

Yes, it can work, but it is darn hard.

So many "firsts" ahead of you. I hate to see girls miss out because they hold back due to a relationship that has drastically changed. Being far from each other can strain the strongest love. I hope you jump into college life without weighing everything you do in relationship to HIM.

One thing that really helps (this is from a survivor of the MOTHER
of all long distance relationships) is creating your own life with new friends and new activities-a life so full you aren't thinking how much you miss him every waking moment. Classes with cuties helps a LOT! LOL If things DON'T work out, you won't have another void. Besides, it keeps you interesting and adds that touch of independance which is most attractive.

I sure hope the ladies of GC come out with the "nuts and bolts' for you. There has been some EXCELLENT advice on this topic in the past!

[Angelic]

I have to completely agree with justamom! Independence is a very attractive quality, especially when it comes to guys. I don't remember where I heard it from but someone told me that the person who controls the relationship is the one who cares the least. I know this sounds awful but if you think about it, it makes sense. I'm not saying you should stop caring about him, but if you're calling him three times a day, not going out on weekend nights to wait for him to call (like I have seen many of my friends do), and are making all of these sacrifices for him, it is easier to become the weaker person in the relationship. You are a person too, go out and have fun, meet new people, and have a good time. You are more attractive to your bf because he is more likely to miss the girl he knew (happy,fun) rather than you depressed or clingy...

This is all speaking from experience. (yes i was the clingy girl). I know that relationships are not about control but after our relationship was over I could see how miserable and depressed I was and how much fun he had. I think that if we both were having fun (but still missed each other) things would have been better.

But maybe you are one of those lucky girls that has a bf who is really committed and you have absolutly nothing to worry about. If this is you, I know it's hard but go out and have fun. Try to do things for yourself this month before you start college. (Because you'll be really busy once it starts)

[jonsagara]

I was in a long-distance relationship for two years. We're now engaged and have been dating for over 6.5 years. If it matters enough to both of you, it can be done. Good luck!

[Munchkin03]

I've been in one for almost 2.5 years. By the time I started my relationship, I was already in college, which is pretty different from your situation. There was no way that I was about to give up any of my independence--there haven't been too many Saturday nights spent sitting at home crying 'cause my boy's not around. Which doesn't mean that I don't miss him. We see each other about once a month, and if all goes well, we'll be together for good later on next month!

Anyway, my best advice is to "live it up". That doesn't mean to hook up with every Tom, Dick, or Harry, but to enjoy yourself. Try things you normally wouldn't try. Do well in school. Go out a lot. Take advantage of your time in college. If it doesn't work out, you won't have the feeling that you've wasted that first semester, year, or whatever pining after him.

[KappaKittyCat]

I've had 2 long distance relationships: one that lasted a little under a year and one that lasted almost 3. I am currently flying solo and have been for almost 2 years.

The first relationship was doomed from the start anyway; he treated me like crap and I didn't have the self esteem to realize that I didn't deserve it. His leaving allowed me to see how much happier I was without him. When he came back, we'd both changed so much that it was like we didn't even know each other. So in that case the distance was a good thing in the long run, because it helped me get out of a really bad situation.

Don't get me wrong, it sucked a whole lot the first several weeks. The night after he left, I went to a party where all my friends were with their SOs and I felt so left out that I faked a headache and went home 45 minutes after I got there. But that's where good friends come in. They called me up the next day and took me out and made sure I wasn't alone for the next week or so. I had this tendency to wallow. I guess the lesson there is just to stay busy.

The second relationship ended for other reasons which are really messy and there's no need to get into them here. PM me if you really want to know. Suffice it to say that neither of us could really handle being in a relationship anymore. The distance had nothing to do with that breakup. We actually had just as good a relationship (while it was still good) apart as we did together. We saw each other once a month and called or emailed every day. Each of us had a life.

In summation, remember a few things:

1. You are young and still changing. Furthermore, you have every right to change. If I'd met my current self when I was a freshman, I would have hated me. But now I love me. If your changing doesn't include him, then it wasn't meant to be. Furthermore, if his changing doesn't include you, then you have to forgive him that and let him go. Easier said than done, I know.

2. You have to be whole people if you expect to have a whole relationship. That means that if one of you has issues and is relying on the other one to solve them (and I'm not talking changing a tire or doing laundry here), then you're never going to grow. And you have every right to grow. See #1. The distance will bring those issues out if they haven't already been discovered. It'll make them a real problem, and that'll put an end to the relationship.

3. Above all, this is college and you're supposed to enjoy yourself! It took several of my friends all year to figure out that I had a long distance relationship. That's because I didn't spend all my time mooning over him and sitting in my room on the phone with him. I had a life. One of my friends found out when he started telling me how horrible he thought long distance relationships were and how nobody should be in them, especially in college. I pointed out that I was in one, and he said that I completely disproved all his theories because I let myself have a life. And in the end, it was the demise of that relationship that inadvertantly led to my joining a sorority in the first place (I think that my COB story is on here somewhere if you are dying to read it). I'd established a network that was waiting for me at school, so all I needed to do was take the vows.

Bottom line: Boys will come and go, but sisters are forever.