Stories about rush gone wrong but you ended up in a great place

[carnation]

Hey everybody--

Many of you have told this kind of story on GC...stories in which your formal rush went awry but you ended up in an incredible sisterhood later. BlazerCheer really needs to hear encouraging stories like this right now.

I'm a prime example...I dropped out of rush the first time and ended up in my wonderful Pi Beta Phi after a second formal rush. The remaining days of that first rush aren't so great to remember, though...I had to wait out the rest of rush in the rush dorm while I watched happy girls going off to their theme, then pref parties all dressed up. Coming home late one evening, I passed one sorority house and could see all the girls going in for prefs and it looked so exciting...the next day I was visiting my grandmother and got caught in traffic right in front of where the girls were getting bids. It was so horrible.

BlazerCheer will have to live this nightmare in the next 2 days. Cheerleading practice starts on Saturday; in the meantime, she has to stay in the rush dorm and watch excited PNMs leave this evening for prefs, then tomorrow to get bids. Many, many women have dropped out of rush, including the other cheerleader who was rushing, but they've all gone home until classes start.

I told my daughter my story and how it ended up so happily and she knows how wonderful my sorority experience has been these 30 years. In the meantime, she really needs to hear stories with happy endings of pledging later. Can you help her?

[maggieaxid]

Well, I can give you my story....it was heartbreaking, but I ended up where I belonged. Can I ask why she dropped out? You can PM if you want to in private, but at the same time I don't want to invade anyone's privacy! I also was a rho chi, so I know it is very hard for girls to drop while all their friends are rushing/joining a new org. alot of times they feel left behind.

anywhoo, here's my story:
i am from the north and went to a school in the south and never really planned on rushing. However, my roomate at the time was a southern belle from charlotte and she convinced me that i should give it a try. plus, for such a small school elon's greek system is huge with almost 50% of the student body are greek by spring. and we have deferred rush. the chapters are also so large that noone does COB.
well, i started hanging out with girls on my hall, and one of them's sister was the president of XYZ. I got to know her and lots of members of XYZ. A lot of them told me I would be an XYZ, or that I would be a great XYZ and they couldn't wait for me to become a sister. (a little dirty rushing, ya think?). Anyway, I went to all 7 parties first round and had a great time at all of them. However, I felt really special went I went to XYZ's house. Lots of the sister's said hi to me, and they knew my name and were really great. I honestly thought that these people were my friends. When the party ended a few of them even came up and gave me hugs! However, the next day I recieved my invites back and I couldn't belive that XYZ was the only one to drop me! I was devestated. I couldn't believe that these girls had faked it and lied for almost a full semester! I wanted to drop out really badly! But my rho chi and a my roomate convinced me to at least go to second round and give everyone else a shot.
So thats what I did. I tried to clear my head and let it go that these girls had pretended to be my friend and i got the "well i'll show them" attitude. The rest of my experience was great, and I actually ended up in the place that i never really thought about. But it is/was the best place for me!

the moral of my story being, this is a personal decision. Going in with all your hopes of ending up in one place isn't always a good idea. There are wonderful aspects about every org., and wonderful people in all of them all over the country and some all over the world. They wouldn't have lasted a hundred years if they didn't!

[AXOLiz]

I can probably help on this one, I didn't join my chapter until the very end of my sophomore year. I signed up for formal rush as a freshman (ours was in the Spring that year), but I was having a really rough time the week it came up. I had the flu and was having major problems with one of my best friends and adjusting to college in general, so I ended up dropping out of rush. I didn't leave my room much that week, so I didn't really know what I was missing.

The next fall, I'm living with one of my good friends and a bunch of her friends. We ended up not getting along at all (even though we lived together the year before). I didn't know many other people at my school that still lived on my side of campus, and one of my friends from work was talking about going through rush to check it out, so I signed up again. She ended up not going, but I decided to give it a try. I wasn't really into the sorority scene, but I figured if nothing else, I'd meet some more people. So I went through the first few days, and after spending time on here and on the other side of rush, I probably appeared completely disinterested (mostly because I came straight from working for 6 hours and was really tired). Plus, I was honest about going through to meet as many people as I could, which wasn't the best strategy (although it was probably good in the long run since I was really unsure about what I wanted to do). By the time the first cuts were made, I had been cut by all but one of the sororities. I knew it wouldn't be a good fit and dropped before going to pref. At that point, I got to see all the girls going to panhel pledging with their new chapters and wearing their new letters around campus, and I felt really left out.

Then, around the end of the first semester of my sophomore year, I noticed that one of my good friends in my communications class had just joined a sorority. She was very open with me and answered all my questions honestly - I asked her how much time pledging took up, if there was any hazing (and she said what I've said to anyone who's asked me since - that she wouldn't have stayed if there was, and if you look at the chapter, we're all a bunch of strong women who wouldn't let that happen ever), etc. Turns out the day I mentioned it, there was an informal rush event. I went to that, and to all the other events. I was always glued to her side (and as I found out later, she was having a bunch of problems in the chapter so she probably wasn't the best sister to be glued to when you're rushing). Plus, as any of my friends can attest to, when I'm nervous and trying to impress someone, I end up making the most stupid, ridiculous comments you've ever heard. Rush was right around finals as well, so there were a couple of parties I rushed (no pun intended) through since I had a LOT of work to do. So I know now that I probably said something dumb that I didn't mean to say to someone I met for 5 seconds, and since they didn't know me, they probably took it the wrong way, and I didn't get a bid. The sister I went to rush with told me how much certain people liked me though (I joked once about how I only came back because "Blaire liked me"), and that I should definitely come back and to make sure I met a lot more people. Well, I was pretty ticked off at the time, and I got to see all the ads my chapter took out in the paper about the new members and how much they loved them, etc., so that didn't help.

So around the end of my sophomore year, I got a letter and a calendar inviting me back to rush. I was going to throw it away, but my friend convinced me to come back. I went to one event and there were a bunch of girls there, so I didn't think I had a chance. I had to miss a few events because of work conflicts, so I skipped the next two (my friend told me as long as I came to 4, I'd be ok). I didn't think anyone was going to notice that I was missing, but when I came to the next event I could make, the rush chair came up to me and said she was worried when I didn't show up and was going to call. That made a pretty big difference, especially when I didn't know her that well. I got to hang out with the girls who I really got along with the first time I rushed, and my friend couldn't go to any of the events that semester, so they were all impressed that I came without her and found people to talk to on my own.

Friday night after the end of rush, I get a call from one of the sisters in a class I had. She was telling me how one of her friends was thinking of taking a poli sci class (that was my major), and she wanted to make sure I'd be there so he could call me. I was packing to go home, so I told her I might be in bed but he could call (I got 3 hours of sleep the night before). Around 10, there's a knock on my door. I look outside and see two of the sisters. They had friends on my floor, so I figured they were visiting them and stopped by. So I open the door, and I'm standing there half asleep, in my pajamas with my room in total chaos and boxes everywhere, and there's 30 girls in my hallway cheering. I accepted my bid that night (although they told me I could wait till I was more awake) and haven't regretted it since.

I was initiated in December of my junior year. I held an exec position (Communications) in the spring of that year, and I was elected to our first VP position before we left for the summer. While the sister who originally got me to join ended up deactivating for personal reasons, I found a place I could call home and some of the best friends I could have ever asked for. Had I rushed my freshman year, I know I probably would've ended up somewhere else. Guess the 4th time's the charm.

[KappaKittyCat]

I went COB, so I don't have a personal story to tell myself, but one of my little sisters had what started out as a miserable experience and is now a very happy Kappa. She actually regretted us after first round and focused on the other two, ABC and XYZ. She is an XYZ legacy and preffed both, but felt very uncomfortable at XYZ. She suicided ABC and did not get a bid. We remembered and liked her and placed her high on our snap bid list. She was not sure whether she would stay, but she accepted our snap bid. On Bid Night she was very quiet and obviously unhappy. ABC was right across the hall from us and they were making loads of noise and obviously having tons of fun. I'd asked to be matched up with her because I remembered her as being shy and sweet, and I'm good at getting people to come out of their shells. We had a good time, joking around, and she opened up a little.

Anyway, the next night was the all-Greek party at the end of Rush/Recruitment. It was at a local club and featured dancing and karaoke. Almost every ABC there was slobbering drunk and/or acting rather slutty-- i.e. showing more skin than clothes in January and hanging all over many random guys. She's kind of a modest girl and she was mortified by this behaviour. We did karaoke together, No Doubt's "Don't Speak," and danced it up and had a blast. On the bus home, she told me she was very happy she hadn't gotten into ABC. At the end of the year, when it was time to say goodbye to the seniors, she told the whole chapter about her Recruitment experience and said that being cut by ABC was the best thing that could have happened to her.

BlazerCheer: I know you're devastated right now, but you'll get through it. Every group at VSU is a great organization. I urge you not to give up on the possibility that you'll find a fabulous sisterhood where you least expected it. Good luck.

[AXOLiz]

oh, and as a p.s. to my story - I was just joking with one of my sisters the other day (who I SWEAR I never met until part of the way through my junior year when I started hanging out at the house between classes - so she had to be one of the last people I met, or I just didn't remember her at all). I told her I was glad I didn't join sooner, because if I would've spent any more time hanging out with her, god only knows what kind of trouble I would've gotten into. She ended up being one of my closest friends ever, even though we didn't really talk all that much until the end of her senior year/my junior year. I'm a big believer that things work out how theyre supposed to in the end, so I'm sure your daughter will end up where she feels at home, whether she ends up going greek or not.

[kdonline]

My freshman year roommate went through rush when I did, but she dropped out. I didn't know this because she lived in the same town & was getting ready @ her parents' house, rather than dealing with the dorm.

Anyway, when she fully moved in, she was obviously kind of jealous that I had pledged and she dropped out. But I didn't rub it in or anything.

During the year, we had sooo many talks about sorority life & she was determined to go through rush again her soph year.

I didn't see her during the summer & of course, we didn't live together for soph year, but when I saw her during rush, my eyes popped out of my head! She looked GORGEOUS and had this new confident attitude. She wasn't the shy girl from freshman year. Heck, I think she even dropped KD after the 2nd round! (Oh, the nerve!)

I was so happy for her when she pledged DG!

So yes, happiness can definitely be found after dropping out of rush!

[FuzzieAlum]

This isn't my story but the story of a friend down the hall, "Linda."

We had both talked about rushing, and we went to the sorority open houses in the fall and were pretty excited. This girl was everything you want in a sister, and she ended up in exactly the house she wanted - which was at that time definitely the top house on campus. Well, that's hardly rush gone wrong, right?

A bunch of us right in a row all went Greek - I was an AXD, my neighbors were an ABC and a DEF, and then there was my friend Linda who joined GHI. Unfortunately, her roommate, who she could not stand (the feeling was quite mutual) ended up in GHI as well.

Both "Linda" and another pledge classmate ended up depledging. Fortunately, Linda found a home in ABC and her friend went DEF.

I guess the point is that even a perfect formal rush story doesn't guarantee a happy ending. Don't be discouraged - the long route, like my sister "Melissa" took can work, too.

Melissa rushed her freshman year, and I remember that our chapter loved her. But she ended up dropping out of rush. Fast forward to her junior year, when she was the RA in the building we were housed in. She knew a lot of us not only from being her residents but also from classes, and this time, when we informally rushed her, she accepted a bid.

It took Melissa two years to figure out what sorority was right for her.

I know other girls who waited a couple of semesters to get a bid from the chapter they wanted. It must have been agonizing to wait, but they ended up where they wanted to be.

There are a lot of ways to get to sisterhood, including frosh formal rush, informal rush, rushing as an upperclassman and alum initiation. Formal rush doesn't work for a lot of people - they're not ready at the beginning of the year for it, they don't know what they want, they're just shy, they're overwhelmed, etc. If formal rush didn't work for Blazercheer and she's still interested in Greek life, she can find a way to get there. And in the meantime, she has the opportunity to observe the chapters as they are day to day rather than in the bustle of rush and take her time to think them over.

[GPhiSweetiePie]

Bless her heart. I came so close to dropping out of rush myself. I had been having a wonderful time, particularly at 2 houses, and so of course I ranked them 1st and 2nd after the 3rd round. But on pref day, when I got my list of houses to go to, neither one was on it. I was really, really crushed. My biological sister (an alumna of one of those houses) consoled me and really encouraged me to go to my pref parties, even though I really did not see myself as a member of 2 out of the 3 houses I was supposed to go to. But I had been telling her all along that I liked Gamma Phi Beta, so I went to prefs, and well, you all know where I ended up. But for Blazercheer, don't worry. If you can C.O.B. sometime this year, check it out, it seems like it would mean a lot less pressure for you. And look at it this way--if you go through formal rush again next year, think of all the advantages you'll have that all those freshmen won't. You'll have been there for a year already, you'll have that college experience, you'll know where everything is, you'll have more to talk about at any party, and you may already know some girls in some of the houses. And even if you don't end up Greek, I have to tell you that I think being a college cheerleader is amazing! Those spots on college squads are so hard to get, especially in Southern schools. You are so lucky, and you must be so talented. You also have a wonderful, supportive mom, and you are lucky enough to have a sister your age (my biological sisters are all a great deal older than me, so I don't feel like I've had the opportunity to be as close with them as I'd like to be.) Please don't let it get you down, and above all things please remember to not take the rush stuff personally. As my sister told me, rush is a system. It may not always work for you. But that doesn't mean that you wouldn't be a great asset to any organization, Greek or not. I hope this helps you!

I'm editing this to add a P.S.-- I don't know how many sophomores go through rush at VSU, but if it means anything to you, when I pledged last year as a freshman, over half of my pledge class was made up of sophomores!

[aephi alum]

I hadn't intended to rush when I got to school - but for the first few days I was on campus, about the only thing to do -was- rush, so I figured I'd give it a chance.

I went through rounds one and two, and had a great time. But after round two, knowing that the sororities were thinking very carefully about whom to invite to pref, I thought very carefully about which sorority/ies I could see myself in, and the answer was - none of them. Rush had totally sold me on the idea of sisterhood, but I couldn't see myself suddenly calling 90-100 people "sister". So I dropped out of rush.

I'd made some friends before getting to school and met other freshmen during rush, and I did feel a little left out on bid day when they came running up to me in their new t-shirts saying "Guess what! I'm an XYZ! What sorority did you join?" I was rooming with 2 other women, each of whom had joined a different sorority, and it bothered me when I came back to our room to see elaborate door decorations from each sorority.

A new local sorority was holding its first-ever rush during the week following formal rush. I happened to see a poster advertising it, when there were about 15 minutes left for their first party, so I went over to the student center just to express my interest and ask when the next party was. I wasn't really expecting anything to come of it since I was sooo late, but I wound up staying for over an hour and talking to all the sisters. I went to their other parties (on time, LOL) and in the end they offered me a bid!

My sorority had only 7 sisters at the time, and by the time rush was over I knew I could truly call each of these women "sister". I had 4 pledge sisters, all of whom I'd also met over the course of rush. It meant a lot to me that when I signed, I knew everyone's name, year, major, and something about them (hobbies, etc.).

Another story... One year when I was rushing on the other side, a woman came through formal rush whom we all absolutely adored and who, we thought, liked us. Suddenly she didn't show up to a party. We discovered later that she decided she couldn't take the stress of formal rush, so she dropped out. A few of us kept in touch with her, and the next semester we invited her to informal rush (assuring her that it was -nothing- like formal rush ) and offered her a bid, which she accepted.

BlazerCheer... Joining a sorority may not have been the right decision for you right now. You must have been under tons of pressure, between the stress of formal rush and all of us on GC looking over your shoulder , but you made the decision that's right for you. Take care.

[RockChalk]

*Warning: the following is a long, rambling story written by a person who has not yet had her daily dose of caffeine. *

In the summer of 1998, I went to my freshman orientation. Orientation lasted a full day, and during the afternoon, we had several meetings we could choose to go to. I went to the one about sorority rush because none of the others looked interesting. I hadn't really thought about going Greek before that because my mom is very anti-Greek and no one in my family has ever been in a GLO. So I went into the rush information session having absolutely no idea what to expect.

The Panhel exec did a presentation on rush, what to wear, what we could expect, etc. They gave us a registration form and a booklet that defined some of the terms used in rush and had brief profiles of each sorority on campus. I was getting excited until I saw how much dues for new members were. $1200 (can't remember if this was for a semester or a year) Now I know enough to ask about payment plans, but back then I had no idea that sororities would do such a thing! Heck, I didn't even know what Panhellenic was!

Anyway, I told mom that I had thought about rush and she somehow convinced me that I shouldn't. So, I didn't rush. (My mom has the annoying habit of being right most of the time. I think that's why I listened to her. )

I moved into the dorms that August. There were 40 women living on my floor and ten of them rushed, including my roommate.

I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Aha! Her roomie convinced her to go Greek!" Actually, it was the opposite. While most of the rushees on my floor were very nice, my roommate was a complete witch. Even though she wound up dropping out of rush and COBing later, her influence was enough to turn me off of Greek life.

Then in my sophomore year, I joined Student Ambassadors. Through that organization, I met a lot of wonderful women who were in sororities. When the president of our organization (whom I have a great deal of respect for) pledge AXO in the spring of our sophomore year, I was finally convinced of the positives of Greek life.

I was also painfully aware that it was too late for me to join.

I didn't have a clue as to how one would go about COBing. I didn't even know that I *could* COB. I also knew that while KU's formal rush isn't as competitive as rush at an SEC school, juniors don't have a prayer of getting a bid. Sophomores do (it's common for each of our houses to take one or two sophs during formal rush), but not juniors.

Eventually I put the whole thing out of my mind and figured that it wasn't meant to be... although I still wondered "what if" every time I drove by a sorority house.

Fast forward to February of this year. I pick up the student newspaper one day and see that a new sorority will be colonizing in the fall! Reading on, I realize that they take women of all levels. It isn't too late after all! Even though my folks ran into some financial difficulties and I only have one more semester in school, I'm still going to go for it. If that doesn't work, then I'll try alumnae initiation.

If you can dream it, you can do it!

[UF56]

kdonline-

Your story was encouraging to me because it showed how a non-freshmen got a bid here at UF!!! Thanks for sharing!!!

[italianaxo]

my first experience with rush was a nightmare. i grew up in nyc and was really unfamiliar with greek life. i never would have thought about rushing except that the only person i knew who had already graduated from my college raved about her sorority. she got me interested and so i went to school i went to all the greek life info sessions. my high school was a tiny, close-knit community and i felt lost in a huge university. i was so excited for rush.
i signed up for rush september of freshman year with a friend from my dorm (she was from the south, really understood the rush process, also more outgoing than me, not the best confidence builder). at all the info sessions the panhellenic vp assured everyone that the number of bids given out was dependent on the number of girls rushing, so everybody would get a bid. in reality she meant everyone who made it to pref would get a bid. so i was totally convince that in 5 days i would be a sorority girl. not quite...
i thought rush was going great. the girls all seemed so happy and nice. (being from new york all these people running around with smiles plastered on their faces shocked me). after the second night the panhell vp announced that some people might not receive any invitations to return and that she would phone them by midnight to let them know. my friend and i waited up till midnight with basically our whole hallway even the kids who weren't rushing to see if we got phone calls. none of us did so i went to bed relieved and excited. 7 am my phone rings, "sorry you didn't get any invitations, hope you enjoyed rush, please don't come back". i was devestated. i thought that meant that no one i had met those nights liked me and basically i felt like a big loser. plus i had to explain to my friend and all interested parties that i was not going back to rush. i pretty much cried all day.
at first every time i came into contact with greek life i felt sad and almost embarrassed. i felt like i wasn't good enough for the sororities.
then i began to build up my life at college. i made great friends, started playing club soccer, and found a job teaching part time at a preschool for special needs kids. i honestly don't think i would have ever done this, especially the job, if i had pledged first term. i became less sensitive about the "sorority subject". second term another friend begged me to accompany her to a cob event. this time around i wasn't so nervous and really had things to talk about. i was more mature and ended up in a better place because i waited to pledge. the people i know who dropped out of rush and never joined a greek group, though they were upset at the time, now have sooo many friends, know as many or more people than i do, and are really happy with their activities.
blazercheer, don't let this experience dampen the excitement that happens freshman year. no matter what there are so many new opportunities for you.

[aggieAXO]

Carnation,

I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is having a tough time.
I think I know more rush horror stories than perfect ones.

I am not going to get into my entire rush-not that it was bad but I am at work and don't have time (ahh the life of the ER). I had a good rush and was able to pick each day where I wanted to go. As I have said before I was crosscut on bid day which was devistating... but everything turned out well and as the cheezy saying goes ended up where I was meant to be-I believe everything happens for a reason. I hope your daughter will give rush a second chance. I have heard so many stories about first rush time experiences, how someone dropped out and then rushed the next year and had an awesome rush. Sometimes things are just better the second time around .

[justamom]

For Blazercheer-

Maybe Carnation has told you the story, but there are others on GC who may be in the same boat so I'll post it.

My niece went to A&M. She was Valedictorian, Captain of our HS Dance line, Prom Queen, Homecoming Queen and Belle. She had it ALL. She was NOT a legacy to anything on campus.

She hit it off with another girl who was like a mirror image and they became "rush" buddies. After round one, they both felt very confident and were considering whose invitations they would accept. When they received their invites, her friend was invited to all the parties. My niece didn't need to make any cuts. She attended the next round and though a bit down, decided to keep an open mind. Her rush buddy was bubbling over with excitement
and they even talked about the ONE house they had in common.
I get fuzzy around here, but evey night it was phone calls and crying, so lets jump to picking up the invitations for pref. My niece had 1. The other girl had her top picks. After the parties, my niece did not sign her card. Her friend became a Theta. My sister called, my niece called, my OTHER niece called...it was nothing but tears around our house for about a week.
Let's fast forward. She became active in lots of organizations and continued to meet the girls in various sororities. She and her rush buddy became best friends and so, as a SOPH at A&M, she went through again. This time it was different. She ended up in the same house as her friend and was where she wanted to be all along. She had NO IDEA why she was cut as a Freshman, she had her recs, and obviously a great resume' she was polished, very pretty... What she didn't have was someone on the inside to root for her. Meeting the members of the sororities in a casual way made all the difference.

When my daughter went through we (niece and I) talked every night and she advised me to tell her not to take anything that happens personally and to only sign your card if you are certain. One year makes a big difference and what was so important today, most likely will be far less significant when you look back-IF you look back.
JAM

[houstonchica]

I went though rush as a Junior at a mid-sized Texas university. I didn't know anyone in a sorority. In fact, I didn't know a soul at the entire school as I was a transfer student from out-of-state. At the time there were 7 sororities on campus and I made it through each round without being cut. It was up to me who to eliminate when the invitations were returned. I felt confident that I would be a sorority pledge by the end of rush. Well, when the invitations for Prefs came back I had only received one. It was
so discouraging. My self-confidence sunk to its lowest possible
level. How could this have happened? I went to my one Pref party. I really didn't "feel it" there but I signed my bid card anyway. The next morning there was a phone call from my rush counselor informing me that I had not received a bid. I found out soon after that XYZ had filled quota after their first Pref party so I probably didn't have a good chance especially as aJunior who didn't know anyone. It was hard to deal with the rejection and I never did join a sorority after that. But I did make other friends and became involved. You may decide to rush again but remember there are a lot of cute, smart, and good girls who are not in sororities too. You'll be fine! Gosh, you're a college cheerleader! That in itself is such an honor and accomplishment . I really think that you are going to find that all of this happened for a reason. Your cheerleading duties will probably be extremely demanding along with your classwork. And, don't forget there is always COB or you can try formal rush again next year! Go out there and have a great freshman year at VSU!!!