when it's time to break up

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #1 08-04-2002, 06:59 PM

How do you know?

I ask because I've got a 9 month on my hands (I know, not that long, but long for me) and I'm starting to wonder.

Any ideas?

FiReKraCkEr · #2 08-04-2002, 07:23 PM

Well, I dated someone for four years!! And as a 20 year old ...that's a pretty long time.

Well.....there are a lot ways to know. And it really depends on you and the dynamics of your relationship.

But, here are some signs that I use....

* When I get refered to as "Baby", "Honey" and a variety of pet names and he forgets I actually have a name and identity. The pet names are cute, but when I sense I'm losing my sense of self....then I must put my foot down.

* When we kiss and I don't get that fluttery, warm feeling...and it starts to feel like I'm just going through the motions, instead of actually wanting to do it.

*When you start picking out all the annoying, unattractive things about your guy. Like a mole on his neck, and it starts taking over his face and eventually he becomes a mole head!!! Then, you know he is a goner.

* When he starts disrespecting you and your values (for example: making you do stuff you don't want to do..You cannot stay with a loser like that!!!

* When he does things and you actually cringe of yuckiness!! and you get uncomfortable aroud him..like he's a child molestor or something.

*When he hits on your friends or sisters...and he asks for a threesome....that is totally disrespectful!!

*** And here is the final draw.....when you actually have doubts that he will be your friend when you break up.

hope this helps!!

Oh, I forgot to mention......one of the things up above won't cause a breakup from me....but the combo of them will

Ivory

Dionysus · #3 08-04-2002, 07:33 PM

*After everytime you see him you are always upset about something he did or did not do.

*You begin to self destruct (emotionally or physically).

DeltaSigStan · #4 08-04-2002, 09:01 PM

When you fight over who loves who more........

Hootie · #5 08-04-2002, 10:25 PM

Well I can say with confidence that there are a few tail-tell signs that something is either wrong or it's time to move on:

1) When the physical isn't present. We're not just talking sex here. If you notice the lack of physical contact ~ hugs, holding hands, kisses, or just the backing away from those things (or if they become a nucense) it's a sign something is wrong.

2) You both are going in different directions! While opposits do attract, let's be honest. If you are school/goal oriented and he wants to lay on the couch and watch tv...then there's gonna be a problem eventually. Might as well nip it in the butt now! I KNOW FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE!

3) Your heart says yes but your head says no. It's SO hard to follow your head. But most of the time it knows what is best. Even if it is hard to understand (God I should follow my own advice ~ Right Kate?)

These are just a few things I've found when dealing with the emotion of love. If you're not at the "love" emotion yet but debating...then you probably won't "love" him...it's probably time to move on.

aephi alum · #6 08-04-2002, 10:27 PM

If you have been dating for a while (which is the case; you can't apply these standards after the first date!), and you realize that:

- He doesn't respect you for who you are
- He wants you to give up something valuable to you
- You can't trust him with your deepest secrets
- Above all - you can't see yourself married to him

Then... buh-bye.

DeltaSigStan · #7 08-04-2002, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hootie

2) You both are going in different directions! While opposits do attract, let's be honest. If you are school/goal oriented and he wants to lay on the couch and watch tv...then there's gonna be a problem eventually. Might as well nip it in the butt now! I KNOW FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE!

Ok, then explain this.

At the soccer league I referee at, there's this little BOY, he's a junior in high school (just returned after getting expelled for pot possesion), SHOULD be a freshman in college, but has straight Fs, threw away a promising soccer career (allegedly), and basically has no direction, no ambition...

His girlfriend, on the other hand, is a straight A student, is starting a second year at a JC, is a good athelete, coachs gymnastics, and is (sigh) A SAN DIEGO CHARGER CHEERLEADER!

Now they have been going out for a month. Can someone PLEASE explain to me how this relationship has lasted?

OH!, and you wouldn't know how many girls I run into at San Diego State are like straight A students and are dating college/high school dropouts who are either unemployed or at entry level jobs at best...

Do I have to drop out of school or something? What's the use of all this hard work when losers like this.......ah nevermind.......

shadokat · #8 08-04-2002, 10:49 PM

When anything the other person does, no matter how nice, sweet, cute, etc. makes you want to punch him in the face!

FiReKraCkEr · #9 08-04-2002, 10:49 PM

Stan...

Maybe they're bored and want something to fix?? LOL

Lord knows I know after 4 years, my ex wasn't "fixable" I learned to loooong way! Now, that I'm older and have a little experience I know to find guys who are what I want, not what I want to change

But realize, after those girls have fun and grow up..they'll be looking for ambitious, respectable men who have cha-ching in their wallets. Oh, and are hot and sweet too....

Note: I'm not saying drop outs are unrespectable...

NO DRAMA 4 Ivory!!!

Ivory

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #10 08-04-2002, 11:31 PM

What about the whole coming-off-the-honeymoon thing? Isn't there a period right at about 6 to 9 months where all the sudden things that were cute aren't so cute anymore, his faults are clear -- everything like that?

How do I know it's not just a bump in the road?

FiReKraCkEr · #11 08-05-2002, 12:03 AM

Oh, hon! I know what you're goin through!

You just have to reevaluate the situation....

Ask yourself:

*Do I want him in my life?
*Is he a positive attribute to my life?
*Does he bring out the better persn in me?
*Can I make it through the bad times with him?
*Is he worth my time and patience?
*Does he make me happy? Honestly?
*Can I walk away from him guilt free, and know I made a good decision?
*Are his visions of life and values similar to mine? Can he make them happen?
*Does he value me as a person, and individual, and most importantly a WOMEN?
*DO I LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONLY? Does he love me this way?

After you answer these questions with an open mind..it may or may not help you.

Whoa, I'm gettin way too deep!! I really hope this helps girl!!!

Ivory

Peaches-n-Cream · #12 08-05-2002, 12:55 AM

if/when the negatives out number the positive aspects of the relationship
if/when he is mean, yells, hits, cheats, or makes you feel unimportant

UF_PikePC98 · #13 08-05-2002, 01:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KDatUTC

*When he hits on your friends or sisters...and he asks for a threesome....that is totally disrespect.

Ivory

My oh my I could have fun with that statement.

I might get banned again if I post that story.

FiReKraCkEr · #14 08-05-2002, 05:46 PM

Um, yeah...PLEASE spare us ths gory details!!

CarolinaDG · #15 08-05-2002, 11:49 PM

I think when it all comes down to it, you just know... Mine was when I cried my eyes out for Valentine's day... no reason, just knew at that moment that it was over.

Also, my little "deal breakers" are:
*When the guy lies to me (I mean, jeez, if you're gonna cheat, then just say, "I want to see other people." No biggie. Just tell me!)

*When the physical outweighs the emotional. I can have physical with any guy, the emotional is why I have a boyfriend.

*When you start talking about the future, and you know that you're too different to make it work.

As a general rule, it's gonna get worse before it gets better. Get out soon!!!! My friends joke, because I have a "two week rule." I don't do it on purpose, but if I'm with a guy for two weeks and I don't still think he's the best guy on the face of the planet, I end it. There's no point if he's not the best.