I am a frat guy

[SATX*APhi]

I am a frat guy. I live in a frat house. I go to frat parties. I fight. I
especially like to fight independents. I think if indedpendents were cool they would have pledged a frat in the first place. I know that independents are jealous of my social life. I believe that I am more fun and can party harder than any GDI.

I am exclusive. I run dances. I am the brains behind Spring Break. I am the reason road trips exist. I hope you enjoyed my homecoming party last Friday.

I can recite the greek alphabet before the fire of a match burns out. I can rattle off all of my founding father's as well as my fraternity obligations, but I don't know the words to my school song or my accounting profs last name.

I don't go to class. I never study. I devise elaborate schemes to cheat on my exams. I don't buy books. I have a low GPA. I have an endless supply of doctor notes from the campus health center. I am thankful that my frat buddies will get me a job after graduation because I know that I can't get one on my own.

I give more than $1,000 of my parents' money in social dues each year to promote my frat's alcoholism problem. I drink because I am cool. I drink alot because I am cooler than you. I serve alcohol to minors. I urinate in public.

I do keg stands and have keg parties. I am the master at indians. I own you in quarters. I have never not drinken in the game "I never". If I can't find my beer bong I know I can find one next door. I don't binge drink-I continually drink. I have a pre-party for the "pre-party".

I can dance.

I wear my letters. I billboard my frat on sweatshirts. Most of my T-shirts are frat t's from frat parties. I wear long sleeved T-shirts under short sleeved T's. I own many plaid button-downs. I tuck in the front and let the back hang out. I own one baseball hat. I live in my khakis. I wear Timberlands in the winter and sandles in the summer. Sometimes I wear sandles in the winter because I can. I drive a sport utility vehicle my dad paid for. I play with my dog in thefront lawn.

My hair is a mess yet totally in style. I sometimes don't shave for weeks at a time.

I am vogue.

Ladies love me, but more importantly, I know ladies love me. I will never commit to just one girl. I don't wear condoms because it doesn't feel as good.

I believe a girl gives up her right to say "no" if she is in my frat
houseafter 1:30 a.m.

I am shady.

I don't care about what girls have to say. I only care about me. I will say anything to get a girl into bed. I will say even more to get a freshman girl in bed because I know she'll believe me.

I am a player.

I am loud and obnoxious wherever I go in public. I live in filth. I enjoy the smell of old beer in carpet. I prefer a dingy frat house to a clean apartment.

I think living among rodents builds character. I leave the seat up. I can't clean up after myself. I put on a great front for parent's weekend. No one can see through me.

I know every word to every song by Willie Nelson, David Alan Coe, and the Greatful Dead. I will sing them for you if I haven't picked up by nights end.

I can't remember my parents home phone number, but I do know every digit to their calling card number.

I haze my pledges. I make them eat and drink things you would not imagine. I make them clean my house. I emotionally scar them for life. I abuse them physically. I make them cry. I then call them wimps. I later call them my brother if they don't de-pledge along the way.

I know hell week.

I am everything that is wrong in American. I am everything you wish you could be.

I am a Frat Guy.