*sigh* overzealous PNM

AGDPrincess70 · #1 04-27-2002, 09:06 PM

okay, this might get confusing, so bear with me...

I hang out with this girl (we'll call her Sue) who is a really good friend of one of my friends. She doesn't seem to have any girl friends and totally latched on to me. Though she's nice and pretty cool, she can be pretentious, overbearing, and lacking in sense of humor. I think this comes from being insecure and needy. Her mom is a Phi Mu and wants Sue to join a sorority because she sees that Sue can't make and keep friends. That said, she asked me about structured recruitment one night and I told her briefly what she can expect from it, empasizing that she'll find where she belongs and can be happy.

She must have selective hearing or something, because she thought that meant that because she knows me and some of my sisters from hanging out with us, that she's automatically going to get a bid from us. Honestly, and this may sound totally shallow, but I don't think our chapter is the place for her. Most of my sisters who met her don't like her, but are always nice to her. I keep reminding her "you've only met some of my sisters. Keep an open mind and see where you belong."

Sue is ADAMATE about being an AGD. She works with our VP recruitment, and one day asked her, in front of a large group of people, how her chances were for getting in. Needless to say, that put our VPR in a very uncomfortable situation! She said the same thing I keep saying, to go through structured, and she'll find her place, whether it be AGD or not. Sue took it the wrong way, and called me that night saying that VPR basically guaranteed her a bid!

What do I do or say? I don't know how to talk her out of this mindset. I care about her and know chapters on our campus where someone like Sue would fit in perfectly, but she doen't get it. Short of beating her with a stick and screaming in a megaphone "YOU DON'T BELONG!! YOU DON'T BELONG!!", What else can I say? Sorry this is so long. If you guys made it this far, i applaud you

AGDPrincess70

dzsaigirl · #2 04-27-2002, 09:43 PM

Well, grades would be an issue, are they bad? That's such an easy out. If a girl asks why and she has bad grades, that's the only reason you have to give...even if she's really a crackwhore who wouldn't get bid with a 4.0!

Anyway, just tell her that it is a chapter decision and that it is not up to you.

RockChalk · #3 04-27-2002, 09:55 PM

You could say something like, "well, we had a lot of legacies go through recruitment this year. We have to bid them first, and once we bid all the legacies, we didn't have enough room in our pledge class for you."

IowaHawkeye · #4 04-27-2002, 10:19 PM

or you could just be honest with her (which is what i'd prefer if it was me) and say you just didn't mesh with the chapter and we thought another house was better off for you?

AGDLynn · #5 04-27-2002, 10:36 PM

She has to understand that recruitment is a numbers game. If she's not high enough on the list, someone else is.

Something I just thought of...might want to document these incidents in case she or someone else wants to file a recruitment infraction b/c she/they thought Sue was offered a bid.

Maybe she would be happier in another sorority, but if she is so outspoken about wanting AGD, other groups may get turned off so she goes no where. I'd bluntly say, "Sue, AGD cannot promise you a bid. That is against the rules.!!" I'd tell her that other groups may be turned off...

Is there a Phi Mu chapter there? If so, she must think she doesn't have a chance there..

LeslieAGD · #6 04-27-2002, 11:12 PM

Hey Kiddo, now you have me curious as to who this is!

Lynn makes a good point about telling her flat out that AGD cannot guarantee her a bid, it's against the rules...also tell her that not only will other chapters be turned off, but that she'll end up turning us off as well if she thinks she will get a bid just because she has met a few people (...aka - you-know-who situation). Lynn, no, there is no Phi Mu chapter.

AGDPrincess70 · #7 04-27-2002, 11:51 PM

Hi Honey!

Yeah, I need to talk to you this week

It's a heck of a story. Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow at Christy's grad party thingie.

LIEP,
Holly

aephi alum · #8 04-28-2002, 09:32 AM

It might be a good idea to sit down with her and explain how formal recruitment works. Explain to her that there are several rounds of parties, and any sorority can cut her after any round, and that she shouldn't get her heart set on one house. I'm concerned she may decline all invitations except AGD's after round 1 (assuming AGD invites her back), then end up nowhere.

If she continues to cling to AGD, (I know this sounds harsh) maybe you should cut her after round 1 so that she can explore other options. It sounds like most of your sisters that she's met already feel she wouldn't be a good fit.

Is she a legacy to any house that is on your campus? (Sisters, grandmothers, even aunts and cousins?)

Dionysus · #9 04-28-2002, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDPrincess70

She must have selective hearing or something, because she thought that meant that because she knows me and some of my sisters from hanging out with us, that she's automatically going to get a bid from us.

That's not all that unusual to assume that.
I would've thought the same thing. Matter of fact I did in the past.

Quote:

Honestly, and this may sound totally shallow, but I don't think our chapter is the place for her. Most of my sisters who met her don't like her, but are always nice to her. I keep reminding her "you've only met some of my sisters. Keep an open mind and see where you belong."

That's fine. If you all don't want her, don't act like it. Like aephi alum said, cut her like in the first round or someting. It appears that she really needs something like sisterhood, but AGD isn't for her. That needs to be communicated in some way or another. It's hard, but the further she gets with you all then she gets cut, the more she will be hurt.

DeltaBetaBaby · #10 04-28-2002, 12:17 PM

I just thought I would express my agreement at cutting her early. Also, be SURE you document this stuff. Lynn is right, you don't want this coming back to haunt you.

shadokat · #11 04-29-2002, 10:51 AM

Definitely cut her straight away. Yeah, you may feel bad because she needs friends or something, but it isn't your job to do it for her. If she drops recruitment or gives you shit about it, tell her it isn't your decision alone, and that the chapter decides as a whole.

AOX81 · #12 04-29-2002, 11:15 AM

Send me her number and I'll call her and tell her how it is.

DeltaBetaBaby · #13 04-29-2002, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AOX81
Send me her number and I'll call her and tell her how it is.

LOL, you just made my morning!

GreekGuide · #14 05-02-2002, 02:20 PM

Everyone has great replies. I agree with being honest with her. No one can guarantee a bid.

To dzsaigirl's point, grades could be an out. I know with AGD (as I am sure with other chapters), we look at the whole picture. Grades, community service and involvement, physical and interpersonal atributes, etc....

You could explain to her that going through formal recruitment is a mutual selection process. Chapters select members based on the whole package and likewise PNM's select a chapter on its whole package. The goal is to make the connection.

When I went through rush, I swore I was going to be an ADPi because two of my good friends are ADPi's. However, when it came down to it...AGD was the right place for me. I don't think I could have figured that out through informal recruitment.

Good luck.

Fuzzie906 · #15 05-02-2002, 02:40 PM

My Chapter recently went through a situation like this... since first day only reason we cut is for grades... on the second day the girls cut and we drop a certain lowest scoring% of women and the scoring ended up that the girl ended up in the lowest percentage... if you can't cut right away... don't invite her to preference... if she chooses to suicide your chapter... i am sorry for her if she does not get in but you have to do what's right for the chapter just keep leading her in a direction that is possibily another and hopefully she gets a good Recruitement counselor that will help her find a place...

there are truly letters for everyone :-)

Valerie