Things You Hated About Your Ex That Taught You Something

brownsugakdphi · #1 05-05-2002, 10:00 PM

I'm kinda gettin out of a relationship, okay I've been out of one... I guess this will be my therapy, so bear with it... I've seen many postings of why their significant other is so great, and not to take anything away from that, but I would like to post why my ex is not great, but too keep it positive, what experiences and knowledge I have gained....

MY EX is not a great guy because:
1) Forgot about my birthday even though I told him, I learned that I shouldn't expect so much from people.
2) Let everyone in his fraternity of silly littly boys what was going on behind closed doors, I learned that if I can't keep a secret, then I can't expect anyone else to.
3) Put me as his last priority *he distinctly listed his priorities, I ranked last*, I learned that if I can't make myself my NUMBER ONE PRIORITY how can I expect others to value me.

This is just a start, but I'd like other people to finish with their own additions... I guess your responses will be my own therapy too!

justhey76 · #2 05-05-2002, 10:20 PM

oh my GOSH, it sounds like my ex is the EXACT SAME GUY. he
1. forgot my bday, then when a friend reminded him that night, he said, oh well, its over now
2. he let his brothers in on EVERYTHING going on in our relationship, my life, etc, but did not tell me ANYTHING about his or thiers
3. he put me as his last priority too. ON A LIST, no JOKE.

the only thing i learned from him is basically what you did. i always put our relationship before everything. i have learned that i should put myself first. otherwise, how will a guy ever put me as a priority and think about things like my birthday, or think before be blurts out info about me? i just totally learned that i am better than that, and i simply do not need to put up with any less than the best.

ZTAngel · #3 05-05-2002, 11:19 PM

Let's see....
1. He forgot my birthday (what's with guys forgetting their girlfriend's birthday?!)
2. His roommates knew every detail of our relationship.
3. He had a habit of smoking about 15 bowls a day....not healthy...he was a wake and baker.
4. He thought his 1.6 GPA was actually decent!

I learned to never put up with a guy that I know I can do 10x's better than. There are so many more people out there and I shouldn't stick with a guy just because I'm afraid to move on.

brownsugakdphi · #4 05-05-2002, 11:36 PM

I guess I came up with some more.... It's funny how are exes did similar things... I would be interested to see what guys put on about their exgirlfriends....
4) (I'm continuing my list) I was a virgin until this guy.... It happened, and he knew how sensitive I was about the issue... It was something I had hoped to keep til marriage... I found out a couple days ago that his whole fraternity knew and had details about our sexual life... I learned that I have to have a clearer picture of the guy that I have intimate relations with, I need to know I can trust someone.
5) He was notorious for forgetting our anniversaries and on our one year anniversary I found out he went to a strip club... Now I don't make a big deal about strip clubs and stuff but to do it on our one year... damn! It taught me that I need to find someone who puts value in the things I find important, if he doesn't find them important then it's a reflection on how much he finds me important...
6) He was "busy" doing things for his career, something I had to understand. When I would complain about not seeing him for weeks he would say that when he had anytime I was the only one he spent it with... One night I went out with my girls cause I was mad at him, who did I find at the bars with this brothers?! - him.... I learned, when a guy can't make time for you, you don't make time for him...

that's about it for now... i'll see if I can come up with more.... damn, I think i'm making him sound really really bad... he did have some good points... but that's another post!

SigkapAlumWSU · #5 05-06-2002, 12:10 AM

1) He didn't forget my birthday, but didn't get me anything for it, or for xmas, even after I threw him the biggest suprise 21st birthday party any of our friends had ever seen. (They still talk about how cool it was that I suprised him with friend from all over the state) That taught me not to expect the world and you won't be disapointed when you don't get it.
2) If one of our couple friends wasn't fighting, we were. There always had to be drama, it didn't matter who it was. That taught me that drama sucks, and I don't need it in my life at any cost, it just causes stress.
3) He resented the fact that I went back to school and he was still stuck at home working in retail. I learned that I have to put myself first or I won't ever reach my goals. No one can ever stop me from getting where I want to get.

All in all, him being the dick that he was taught me that i can do better and I shouldn't be afraid of aiming as high as I want.

Seems like we've all learned to be the wonderful women everyone already knew we were.

Coramoor · #6 05-06-2002, 12:16 AM

Lol....all of the lists above would be exactly how my ex would describe me.

I didn't forget her birthday, but we were had broken up a few months earlier and she got really made when I didn't make a special effort to give her a gift.(I did give her a call and send best wishes).

I wouldn't say that my brothers knew every detail, but she got angry when I let a few guys know that we were 'seperated' for a bit. I didn't see the big deal...was I supposed to lie about it when they asked why she wasn't around....?

One time she gave me an ultimatum. So I gave her a list of my priorites, and she was distincly on the bottom only b/c she did that. We are in college to better ourselves.

Anniversities, and holidays just aren't important to me. I never really cared if I got a gift on christmas or something for my birthday. My ex wanted to exchange gitfs for St. Patricks Day!! Just total opposites.....

Just like in sororites, sometimes things come up at the last minute. Maybe something happened to a brother and I had to take his place in a function. When it was over, I would go over to her house-but she was never interested in my explaination. It was always 'Your putting a bunch of boys over me, your girlfriend!'....

What I learned...

1. When a girl startes feeling insecure in a relationship, they get even more clingy....which only serves to alienate the guy even more. (at least that is how it is for me).

2.Watch what you say. She will bring something you said five months ago up and use it against you, even if it was an off hand comment that didn't mean anything.

3.Just agree then go and do what you want to do anyway.

KSig RC · #7 05-06-2002, 01:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Coramoor
Just like in sororites, sometimes things come up at the last minute. Maybe something happened to a brother and I had to take his place in a function. When it was over, I would go over to her house-but she was never interested in my explaination. It was always 'Your putting a bunch of boys over me, your girlfriend!'....

I love this line - my answer is usually "well, they were here first" and (if it's fraternity) I'd go with "Not boys - brothers."

From past relationships, I've learned to expect anything (the most bizarre thing is the most likely to happen), and that for better or worse people will never stop surprising you (as Collin says).

AchtungBaby80 · #8 05-06-2002, 11:17 AM

One of my exes was very, very insecure and it made me want to scream. He would never leave me alone until I was with him, which was most of the time I wasn't in class because he was afraid I would disappear if he couldn't actually see me (I guess). I never had any time to myself; if I tricked him into letting me by saying I was sick or something, the phone rang off the hook. Seriously, every 10 or 15 minutes. It was very restricting, and I broke up with him because I felt like he was holding me back.

So, since then I've learned that it's very important to be secure with oneself, especially if you expect not to get on your significant other's nerves, much less stay with him or her. Everyone has their moments, but insecurity like that is *really* annoying.

And brownsugakdphi, I'm with you on #4--the same thing happened to me (with a different guy), and just thinking about it still makes me want to run him over if I ever see his sleazy arse again.

XO_Princess · #9 05-06-2002, 12:17 PM

1) Well, my ex didn't foget my bday-he actually took the day off work, but when they called and said they needed him to come in, he did.

2) He was obsessed with money
3) He went out with friends one night, stayed out all night, stumbled in the next morning, and had the nerve to ask why I was mad.

4) Never asked how my day went, but always talked about his. If I started by saying, Oh I had the worst day, he'd cut me off and start talking about his.
5) Generally was just an ass!

I larned not to put him before me. I also learned that I needed to do my own thing away from him, and to expect better!

33girl · #10 05-06-2002, 09:00 PM

My ex would buy me flowers, stuffed animals and cards. Then turn to me and ask to borrow $10 for a haircut. He had no concept of spending money wisely. This is something SO important in a relationship and a lot of people don't think about it. Not having money itself, but the same concepts of how to spend it.

Coramoor · #11 05-06-2002, 09:27 PM

Lol...women are too much sometimes.

Take them out to dinner, buy them flowers and you get yelled at for not saving money. Don't buy them flowers and get yelled at b/c you never do anything sweet or surprise them!

LeslieAGD · #12 05-06-2002, 09:35 PM

Well, my ex bf couldn't just break up with me...he opted to stop calling as if that's really a break up!

I guess this taught me that you won't always get closure no matter how badly you feel you need it...and if you really want it, then you have to go out any get it for yourself.

justhey76 · #13 05-06-2002, 10:32 PM

Oh my GOSH. My ex ALWAYS talked bad about HIS ex. I'm talking CONSTANTLY talking about her. Turns out, he broke up with me, to get back with HER (he was cheating on me with his ex). It taught me, damn, if he is talking about anyone that much, good OR bad, hes gotta still be hung up about something, and you should steer clear.

Jeff OTMG · #14 05-06-2002, 10:33 PM

Ladies, I think I see a pattern here since many of you had the same problem. It appears that the women are wanting more out of a relationship than the guys are willing to give. Do not expect a guy under the age of 25 or even 30 to be able to commit to a realtionship, there are too many other things that he would rather be doing. Do not complain about being told the truth. If you are last on a list of priorities and you don't like being there you better find someone else. Why would you be upset about the truth? Do you want him to lie? Granted it wasn't very tactful, but guys have never been known for that. I think that forgetting birthdays is inexcusable, but if he did forget how important do you think it was to him? How important do you think you are? You are young, as are the guys, you should all be expected to do what you want and enjoy life. If that does not happen to be the same thing then you should not be together. If he wants to stay out all night and party without you, who are you to say that is wrong? Same thing for you, if you would rather do something other than spend time with him then he is not your top priority and he has no room to complain. You are each doing what you want. The problem is both sexes frequently want their cake and eat it too. Everyone wants to do what they want yet still want their SO to be there whenever they are ready to spend time together.

I agree that descretion is probably a good idea when your sex life is involved. It is a sign of immaturity and reminds me of guys boasting in high school. Best suggestion is that if you are ashamed of it then don't do it. If the problems are in the details then tell the guy that it is between the two of you and if he respects you he will keep his mouth shut. If you are not a top priority then don't be surprised if you are the talk of the campus.

Neither side has any room to complain if they are not deceived, if they are move on to something better. I have had many women dump me over the last 20 years because I didn't want to get married. I told them up front that I was not interested in marriage, but they acted like I lied to them the whole 1 to 3 years that we were together. Not true, it isn't what I wanted. In 1989 I did finally meet a person that I would marry and in a few years it just might happen. It wasn't that I was against being married, but I wouldn't ever do it again unless I thought that it was to the right person and not that it was time or that I was suppose to do it.

cash78mere · #15 05-06-2002, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LeslieAGD
Well, my ex bf couldn't just break up with me...he opted to stop calling as if that's really a break up!

I guess this taught me that you won't always get closure no matter how badly you feel you need it...and if you really want it, then you have to go out any get it for yourself.

this is something about guys that i will NEVER understand. how do they think that just completely stopping any form of communication is acceptable? guys, do you have any answers because i'd really like to know!